Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

birthday party delima

Posted by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 12:30 AM
  • 215 Replies
1 mom liked this
Okay my son turns 6 at the end of the month. I'm planning a small party for him at my house. Only family and friends are going to be invited. Well my best friend R is newly divorced and is dating a man D. The problem with D is he drinks heavily. Like 24/7. I was raised around that and told myself that i would not put my children around that. So here's my delima. I obviously want my best friend R there with her children, just not D. I do not drink, neither does dh so my children aren't around that. Is it rude to ask her to leave him behind so she and the kids can attend the party? And if it isn't how in the world do i tell her? Thanks



Wow!!! I didn't know i would get so many replies. But thank you sooo much. I sat her down at lunch (i bought, so she wasn't going anywhere) and told her my concerns about Ds drinking, and how he is when he is drunk. Now although I've never met him i told her that before any piece of a$$ she needs to think of her kids. I also told her how much i loved and valued her and the children and wanted them there, he was not welcome.

The best thing, she called me yesterday and they are no longer talking.

Again, thanks for all the replies:)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 12:30 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
AHmom103
by Alexis on Nov. 3, 2011 at 12:33 AM
37 moms liked this

Would it be okay with you if he showed up as long as he was sober and didn't bring any alcohol? If it is, just explain that, since it is a party for a 6 year old, that NO ONE is welcome if they've decided to drink first, or if they decide to bring alcohol.

chloesmama_2007
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 12:59 AM
Yes, it would be okay if he was sober before and during. But according to R he wakes up to beer. He works at a nursing home and goes to restaurants that serve alcohol so he can drink. But R said he doesn't deal with patients. He has an addiction and i have dealt with that. I most certainly don't want that around my kids. R can't even keep him sober more than 2hours after he wakes up
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mrssmitley1210
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 1:03 AM
14 moms liked this

My grandmother is an alchoholic. I will not allow her around my kids if she has been drinking. I straight up told her if she wants to be around she can not drink. I would make it clear, either hes sober or not welcome. I dont think its right for there to be drinking or drunks at a party for children anyway.

try_again_love
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 1:03 AM
14 moms liked this
Just politely tell her there is to be NO alcohol.
If he knows that, its possible he won't even come.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
chloesmama_2007
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 1:15 AM
14 moms liked this
My Mom was an alcoholic also. So i know what it feels like. I will just tell R that it is a childs party and no alcoholic beverages will be welcome and not to bring D if he's had even one beer.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
misssy2000
by Ruby Member on Nov. 3, 2011 at 1:20 AM
3 moms liked this

ugh I feel you grew up around it also, Kuddos to you for not raising your kids around it. I would just tell my friend that you don't want him there drunk, or with alcohol. I tell my fam that no alcohol is allowed at my house, it leaves me out of lots of stuff but oh well.

Fatal_Frost
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 1:22 AM
2 moms liked this

 I would just go the sober route and see how that works out... let them know that there will be no alcohol and to please not bring any...  who knows maybe being sober for a few hrs will be something he wont willingly want to do and not show up anyway... and if he shows up with alcohol, you can ask him politely to leave

mommy31210
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 1:28 AM

that or tell her d is not allowed to drink at your house.

MixedCooke
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 2:01 AM
9 moms liked this

well the issue is moot because you will not be serving alcohol at your party and what kind of friend would she be if she brought him drunk?

murphymom08
by on Nov. 3, 2011 at 3:16 AM
61 moms liked this

If this guy is "waking up to a beer" and he is dating your best friend w/children, it sounds to me like the bigger issue is telling your friend that this is not the guy for her.  The birthday party may be your opportunity to state your case.  For the sake of your friendship, it is better to do this sooner than later.  

If I were in your position, I would tell your best friend exactly how you feel:  you don't want an alcoholic around your children and you really doubt that she wants an alcoholic around her children, either.  Let her know that you are taking a stand - for your children, for her children, for her, and for your friendship - and that he is not welcome, to the birthday party, or ever.  

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)