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you got jokes?

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:40 AM
  • 35 Replies
1 mom liked this
I need a laugh...anyone have any funny jokes?
Here is one dh sent me today

"Don't get me wrong, I love my son. But I prefer to play with the box that he came in".
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by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
velvetkitty
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:41 AM

Lmfao. I've never heard that one before.

amyrw
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:42 AM
I had to read it twice to get it and then I was like ohhh that's so wrong lol.

Quoting velvetkitty:

Lmfao. I've never heard that one before.

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amyrw
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:45 AM
Bump, come on, I know you guys have to have some good ones.
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opal10161973
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:46 AM
Oh man. Mine are so inappropriate.
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KME3
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:47 AM
Lol....
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amyrw
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:47 AM
Inappropriate jokes are welcome. I had a headache earlier and accidentally fell asleep....for 3 hours. I need some entertainment since I can't sleep

Quoting opal10161973:

Oh man. Mine are so inappropriate.
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B-FigNewton
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:50 AM
1 mom liked this

It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it.

At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume."

"No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Alright," the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away.

"Thanks," he says, and leaves.

An hour later another vampire comes in and sits at the bar. He says "Hi, I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Okay," the bartender says and goes in the back again. He comes out with another cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it and leaves with a 'thanks'.

An hour later a third vampire comes in and sits at the bar. "Hi," he says to to the bartender. "I'm a vam..."

"I know, I know," the bartender interrupts. "You're a vampire and you want a cup of blood right?"

"Um, no," the vampire answers. "I AM a vampire, but I'd just like a glass of hot water please."

"Sure" the bartender says. He pours him a glass of hot water. As he gives it to the vampire he says "You know, there were two vampires that came in before you that wanted blood. How come you're just asking for water?"

Without answering the vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used tampon.

"Tea time." He responds.

amyrw
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:52 AM
1 mom liked this
Okay this one is old but I always laugh...

2 old women living in a nursing home are outside smoking in the rain. One takes a condom out of her pocket and puts it over her cigarette. The other asks "why did you do that" and she replies "so my cigarette doesn't get wet in the rain". Thinking this was a good idea the other lady goes to the pharmacy and asks the cashier for condoms."what kind do you need" he asks. She replies "it doesn't matter as long as it'll fit a camel"
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opal10161973
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:53 AM
One lesbian frog says to the other,"We really DO taste like chicken."
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amyrw
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 12:53 AM
LOL, gross!

Quoting B-FigNewton:

It's Halloween and everyone's out trick-or-treating. A bartender is working the late-night shift at the bar. He looks outside and sees everyone in crazy costumes. He sighs and picks up a glass and starts cleaning it.

At around midnight, a guy in a vampire costume walks in and sits at the bar. He says to the bartender "Hi. I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

The bartender looks at him skeptically. "No you're not. You're just wearing a costume."

"No, no, really," he insists. "I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Alright," the bartender says. He goes in the back and comes out with a cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it right away.

"Thanks," he says, and leaves.

An hour later another vampire comes in and sits at the bar. He says "Hi, I'm a vampire and I'd like a cup of human blood please."

"Okay," the bartender says and goes in the back again. He comes out with another cup of blood. He gives it to the vampire who drinks it and leaves with a 'thanks'.

An hour later a third vampire comes in and sits at the bar. "Hi," he says to to the bartender. "I'm a vam..."

"I know, I know," the bartender interrupts. "You're a vampire and you want a cup of blood right?"

"Um, no," the vampire answers. "I AM a vampire, but I'd just like a glass of hot water please."

"Sure" the bartender says. He pours him a glass of hot water. As he gives it to the vampire he says "You know, there were two vampires that came in before you that wanted blood. How come you're just asking for water?"

Without answering the vampire reaches into his pocket and pulls out a used tampon.

"Tea time." He responds.

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