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Porn?

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:29 AM
  • 13 Replies

I know that there are quite a few of you on here who are fine with your SO looking at porn and I know some of you watch it with them. But I'm not a fan of porn. Never have been. And it seems like it gets worse all the time. Can't say that it's because he never gets anything from me - he does a lot and could more often if he wanted. But it seems anymore he would prefer watching porn then doing anything with me. He tells me he isn't in the mood and things like that. But he downloads porn videos to his phone almost daily. Like 10 or more at a time. I'm not sure if anyone is going to find a way to bash me or anything like that - its not what I want. I just want to know what you would do! I've tried talking to him and he denies it. Says he  hasn't done that in weeks or more. Says he hasn't downloaded or watched any porn, but he has. He lies all the time about it and when I really try to talk to him and get this figured out he won't talk - something always makes it so we don't talk - he's too tired or has too many things to do, etc. So we never actually talk about it. I'm tired of feeling like crap because of it. It honestly hurts me that he lies to me about it all the time. And it hurts that he prefers porn. I just honestly don't know what to do anymore. I've been with him for 6 years and it wasn't like this at first. I don't know how much longer I can put up with it. It really hurts me and I've tried telling him that over and over. Give me some advice please.

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Astaroth
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:31 AM
It can be an addiction. SO dealt with it.
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rosereed
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:33 AM
That's what I've thought but i know he won't do anything about it. Like I said - he denies it all the time. He won't ever admit it.


Quoting Astaroth:

It can be an addiction. SO dealt with it.

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Mandiii04
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:34 AM
You could start by retyping your post in paragraph form....
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Sweet0.0Cheeks
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:41 AM


Quoting Mandiii04:

You could start by retyping your post in paragraph form....

You've been on a paragraph kick tonight havent you?




I agree though. Paragraphs are needed!

rosereed
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:42 AM

If you don't want to read it the way I have it - then just stay away from my post. Simple as that. 

Quoting Mandiii04:

You could start by retyping your post in paragraph form....


LizzieJane
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:43 AM
1 mom liked this

 Truthfully, it sounds like an addiction. It also sounds like he's ashamed of it, which is why he's lying to you. How do you approach him when you're trying to talk about it? If you're accusatory or confrontational, then he's naturally going to shut down.

The best advice I can offer is to write him a letter explaining that you're aware of how much porn he's been downloading and that there is no point in him denying it, but you need to tell him how much it hurts you, especially because it is effecting your sex life. Try to keep the angry/confrontational language out of it. He needs to know that you'll treat him with love and respect, or else he definitely won't admit that there is a problem.

It would also be a good idea to speak to a professional, even if your DH won't go, to get advice on how to approach this. Even a church pastor could probably offer some great advice; I know that this is something that many pastors help people with pretty often. If nothing else, you should google "help for porn addiction" or something and see what's out there.

rosereed
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:50 AM
I have approached it many different ways to talk. He just shuts down everytime. I even wrote him a letter just a few weeks ago. He didn't mention anything about it for a week, so i brought it up and he said "oh well I've been meaning to read the letter. I just haven't gotten to it". So after a week he hadn't even read it, he still hasn't .

It feels every attempt I make to figure this out he doesn't want to help me out by talking about it. I don't want to deal with this forever. I love him but its hard to put up. I've told him how it makes me feel and its like he doesn't care.

Usually he's cares but when it comes to this topic he just doesn't want to discuss it.

Talking to someone is a good idea though. Thanks :)


Quoting LizzieJane:

 Truthfully, it sounds like an addiction. It also sounds like he's ashamed of it, which is why he's lying to you. How do you approach him when you're trying to talk about it? If you're accusatory or confrontational, then he's naturally going to shut down.


The best advice I can offer is to write him a letter explaining that you're aware of how much porn he's been downloading and that there is no point in him denying it, but you need to tell him how much it hurts you, especially because it is effecting your sex life. Try to keep the angry/confrontational language out of it. He needs to know that you'll treat him with love and respect, or else he definitely won't admit that there is a problem.


It would also be a good idea to speak to a professional, even if your DH won't go, to get advice on how to approach this. Even a church pastor could probably offer some great advice; I know that this is something that many pastors help people with pretty often. If nothing else, you should google "help for porn addiction" or something and see what's out there.


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laranadtony
by Emerald Member on Nov. 9, 2011 at 4:56 AM

 I don't know.Tony watches it and then tries some of the moves.A lot of them I don't go for but some are fun!

He found one site called"sleeping bitches.com" and now he wants me to pretend to be asleep during sex.(we role play sometimes).I am NOT doing that...or maybe I will eventually..I don't know!I think it is stupid!

LizzieJane
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:10 AM

 I'm not a huge fan of porn, and don't really care for my DH watching it. I know that he does sometimes, but not very often and he doesn't try to hide it from me and it doesn't effect our sex life.

There is a big difference between your DH watching porn and still wanting to have a sexual relationship with you/incorporating what he "learned" from the porn, and the OP's husband refusing to have sex with her anymore or even really communicate with her. That's the difference between just having a normal male interest in porn, and being addicted to it, in my opinion.

Also, LOL at the sleeping thing! Sometimes my DH suggests something that sounds so utterly ridiculous to me that I can barely keep from laughing. But every once in a while, you just have to roll with it even if it's silly! :-)

Quoting laranadtony:

 I don't know.Tony watches it and then tries some of the moves.A lot of them I don't go for but some are fun!

He found one site called"sleeping bitches.com" and now he wants me to pretend to be asleep during sex.(we role play sometimes).I am NOT doing that...or maybe I will eventually..I don't know!I think it is stupid!

 

Jessica92009
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 5:13 AM

 instead of telling him he can't have your actually told why you dislike it...how does it make you feel. if its just because you don't personally like it then maybe you need to figure out what exactly it is you don't like and why... an maybe you should be more concerned with why he is lying about it.... are you making him feel dirty or bad for wanting to look... are you not hearing his side.

don't get me wrong I don't have a tolerance for porn. i had many go arounds with my husband on it. but i did the commanding it be gone, i then would find it when he said he wasn't, or i'd answer his phone an its crap from buddies so i understand but you can't force it out...just makes them want it even more

just explain yourself and don't tell him you want to talk about it just talk about it. he says so i did this today at work an you say o i was on the computer an anothe one of your videos popped up i was rather ticked off then realized y....blah blah blah you get the idea. then once you get it out of you let it go for a bit...nagging him won't help either.

in my house my hubby knows not to let me find it or even think its about. i can't stop him from what he does but i can keep it from me an my lil ones...an pretending to be nayeve about it isn't so horrible now....but that doesn't mean i agree with it it just means therre are way more important things i need to be worried about.

 

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