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Do I expect too much?

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:48 AM
  • 11 Replies

I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now. I love him to death. He is the most amazing man I have ever met.

When we first met, he would stare at me and say "Oh my gosh you are so bea utiful, how am I so lucky?".. He would say sweet things like this all the time..

He doesn't really do it much any more, and I kind of need that constant praise and attention to feel secure.

I have told him about this that he acts different now, he isn't as sweet, and he doesn't see it. He says "I dont think I am doing anything different"...

Am I the one with the problem or is it normal to want to hear sweet things on a daily basis?

by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:48 AM
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Replies (1-10):
cypris420
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:50 AM

It's normal to want to hear those things, sure.  But not normal to need to.  There's a world of difference there and be careful you don't start smothering him with your insecurities.  Have you considered counseling?  Sometimes the sweet nothings calm down after the first few months of infatuation.  Are you happy together as a couple overall and this is just a sticking point?  Good luck.

kagegirl
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:52 AM

My DF was the same way. However, he also was not used to being in a stable, emotionally secure relationship either, so he would push his luck alot. We have been together a while now, and while he still says sweet things often, it's not as often as he used to. I am fine with this though. Because he no longer pushes his luck. He has seen where my boundaries are, and he respects them. But he DOES show me the sweetness. Pats my behind when I am bent over looking in the fridge for something, walks past me and runs his hand along my back when he does. I prefer the touching over the words. Start touching him more, or saying sweet things to him more, and maybe he will get the hint and start doing it too. 

AlyssaH87
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:52 AM

Yes very very happy. We just moved in together. The only fights we have had are over me being insecure.

Yes I have been to counseling over my insecurities but not with him. My ex husband was very abusive. I sadly cannot afford counseling right now.

Quoting cypris420:

It's normal to want to hear those things, sure.  But not normal to need to.  There's a world of difference there and be careful you don't start smothering him with your insecurities.  Have you considered counseling?  Sometimes the sweet nothings calm down after the first few months of infatuation.  Are you happy together as a couple overall and this is just a sticking point?  Good luck.


AlyssaH87
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:53 AM

I touch him all the time and always say sweet things.. ;)

Quoting kagegirl:

My DF was the same way. However, he also was not used to being in a stable, emotionally secure relationship either, so he would push his luck alot. We have been together a while now, and while he still says sweet things often, it's not as often as he used to. I am fine with this though. Because he no longer pushes his luck. He has seen where my boundaries are, and he respects them. But he DOES show me the sweetness. Pats my behind when I am bent over looking in the fridge for something, walks past me and runs his hand along my back when he does. I prefer the touching over the words. Start touching him more, or saying sweet things to him more, and maybe he will get the hint and start doing it too. 


momto3infl
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:53 AM

 I dont want to hear it daily-but I have been with hubs for 17yrs.  But I got over it quickly, and I am not very secure with myself.

cypris420
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:54 AM

Try to remember what you learned in counseling previously and apply it to your life now.  Just because you are with someone different, doesn't make what you learned before unusable.  

Quoting AlyssaH87:

Yes very very happy. We just moved in together. The only fights we have had are over me being insecure.

Yes I have been to counseling over my insecurities but not with him. My ex husband was very abusive. I sadly cannot afford counseling right now.

Quoting cypris420:

It's normal to want to hear those things, sure.  But not normal to need to.  There's a world of difference there and be careful you don't start smothering him with your insecurities.  Have you considered counseling?  Sometimes the sweet nothings calm down after the first few months of infatuation.  Are you happy together as a couple overall and this is just a sticking point?  Good luck.



randomosityblog
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:57 AM
1 mom liked this

I think you need counseling. Not as a couple, but just you. Needing constant praise and attention to feel secure is not a good thing. :/

Pooperisfull
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 8:57 AM

 Men are built different, and they seldom do all we "expect" them too. Just keep talking to him, and let him know how you feel. I know that my husband loves me and thinks I am beautiful, I do not need to hear it everyday to know it.

I think you need to work on your own self worth issues, and I believe when he sees your love for yourself it will be more natural for him to say it all the time as well. I am just guessing, but I do know it is a turn off when someone is needy.

TarotMommy
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:00 AM
It's not good to bring the baggage of your past relationship into this one. Your SO shouldn't have to reassure you daily. If this is the only thing you two fight over you need to take a step back and look at the here and now. In your last relationship he was abusive because he was insecure and he pushed that onto you. Do you want to continue that? That's not fair to your current SO.


Quoting AlyssaH87:

Yes very very happy. We just moved in together. The only fights we have had are over me being insecure.

Yes I have been to counseling over my insecurities but not with him. My ex husband was very abusive. I sadly cannot afford counseling right now.

Quoting cypris420:

It's normal to want to hear those things, sure.  But not normal to need to.  There's a world of difference there and be careful you don't start smothering him with your insecurities.  Have you considered counseling?  Sometimes the sweet nothings calm down after the first few months of infatuation.  Are you happy together as a couple overall and this is just a sticking point?  Good luck.



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Kodysmommy928
by on Nov. 9, 2011 at 9:00 AM

 I agree with this.  I hope that you are able to find some peace within yourself so you do not alienate him and potentially ruin a good thing.

Quoting randomosityblog:

I think you need counseling. Not as a couple, but just you. Needing constant praise and attention to feel secure is not a good thing. :/

 

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