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Edit to clarify : TEACHERS, PRINCIPALS, SCHOOL WORKERS, I gotta question for you

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:18 AM
  • 47 Replies
What are the rights of primary parents in public schools?
Here is my issue. After starting a serious relationship, my DD's BD took me to court after 6 years! So now we have a CO stating I'm primary. When this all started schools seemed to take his side. So at the beginning of the school year I went & talked to principal. He said we would do 1 conference as I requested, BD wont have a choice. Well, it's confernce time & I got a reminder slip saying "mom's conference"?????? Why would it be labled this way if BD supposely wasnt gonna get his own conference. Also they let BD's mom in which IMO is not her right.

EDIT: We have shared custody (i'm primary, he is alternate). I have no problem with him talking to teacher, CO states both PARTIES (as in me & BD) have equal rights to school, medicial, etc. That is fine with me, my problem is HIS MOTHER! Before I started my relationship with now DH she stayed out of things like conferences! Where we live there is HEPA (sp?) & his mom knows that means I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SAY SHE CANT BE IN THE ROOM! At dr, counselling, any other appointment she stays out of it. Well, last year (first grade) we had separate conference & they (i'm sure his mom cuz he doesnt talk for himself) told the teacher things about me that werent true & I got a "pity email" from the teacher, stating things like "I know you have a lot on your plate..." Really!?! Cuz I never said that umm. I want the conference with her dad together so that he cant lie about me AGAIN.
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by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
gfig
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:20 AM
Bump
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alwayskk
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:21 AM

I'm confused. You can have primary physical custody but still share legal custody. What is your custody arrangement? How often do they see their father?

nicsmama09
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:23 AM
is he involved In dds life

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MrsDavid
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:23 AM

The school promised you something that they could not deliver.  YOU don't get to choose if he has a separate conference or who he brings.  FERPA (Google it, I don't have time to fill you in on what it is) protects his rights to his child's education records, regardless of "primary" custody.  Basically, unless you have an order saying he can't....FERPA says he can AND that the school must abide by his wishes as well.

Let go of your control/power trip over this.  You can't control this without a court order restricting his access.  Is that  hill you need to die on?

mjande4
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:24 AM

I am having difficulty following your post, but I will say my philosophy is that if both parents are interested in their child's education then as a school we do everything possible as a team (parents and teachers) to help the child.  Too many parents with agendas (i.e. custody issues) try and use the school in their battles.  Focus on what is best educationally for the child!!

nicsmama09
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:24 AM
He should be involved with the school of he gets her
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haleyleedy
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:24 AM
This. we have primary custody her mom has visitation. but she can still find out anything about the.school situation.


Quoting alwayskk:

I'm confused. You can have primary physical custody but still share legal custody. What is your custody arrangement? How often do they see their father?


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Hot_Mamma_of_2
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:24 AM
Only you have the right to tell them who can be in the confrence with you and BD. Who can pick up your child and be on the emergancy card.
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mjande4
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:25 AM
1 mom liked this

You were much more eloquent than I!!

Quoting MrsDavid:

The school promised you something that they could not deliver.  YOU don't get to choose if he has a separate conference or who he brings.  FERPA (Google it, I don't have time to fill you in on what it is) protects his rights to his child's education records, regardless of "primary" custody.  Basically, unless you have an order saying he can't....FERPA says he can AND that the school must abide by his wishes as well.

Let go of your control/power trip over this.  You can't control this without a court order restricting his access.  Is that  hill you need to die on?


TarotMommy
by on Nov. 18, 2011 at 8:26 AM
Is it joint custudy with you as the primary? If so then the dad can do whatever he wants in keeping up with schooling and the child as well as have his mom sit in on a conference. You as primary means the child resides with you but joint custody means both parties make everyday decisions regarding the child which includes schooling. Grandma has no say but if the dad wants his mommy there she can be.
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