Things ER nurses wish that the public knew...
100.5 is not a fever and your child doesn't need to come in for that
Monistat is available over the counter. So are laxatives. So are pregnancy tests. Please try them first before coming in
I have four other patients. One is on a ventilator and cardiac drip, three are in pain, two are vomiting, and one is in stirrups waiting for me to come in for a pelvic. The doctor has four questions for me, lab is on the phone, and I have a call bell going off. Please limit your life story to three minutes or less unless it relates to your chief complaint
I know you wanted narcotics, but ibuprofen really does work well. Also, sometimes we just can't make the pain go away completely
If you have piercings and tattoos and cry about the IV, we will laugh at you at the nurse's station. Sorry
If you have had this same pain for three months, it is not an emergency
I need a clean catch urine sample. If you had me the bag back with both wipes still in it, you've done it wrong
I don't know how much longer the lab/CT/the doctor will be. I don't mind you asking, but don't get mad when I can't tell you
I'm sorry you had to wait in the waiting room, but we see people based on how sick they are and luckily for you, you aren't the sickest person here!
(ETA: I love my job and I love my patients. None of these things are meant to be mean, just true!)