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It takes having a baby to find out who your true friends are

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:15 AM
  • 12 Replies
I couldn't agree with that saying more......

No one comes to see me, rarely.
They always get pissed off that i can't go out.
They're selfish when I forget about an event because my son was sick.
And I have lost 95% of my "friends".

If they can't understand that my son will always come first then they're still children themselves.
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by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
smenjivar
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:16 AM
I know the feeling. I had my first in high school and I lost all my friends.
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avi_nevaeh_mama
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:19 AM

This is very true. Now all my "friends" are having kids and all the sudden they want to talk to me again. Amazing how that works. I especially like the ones that have ONE child and OMG it's SOOOOO hard and they simply never have time to have even a quick phone call once in awhile. Yeah I have three kids, one of whom is autistic, and I still manage to keep in touch because I make it a priority.

krissii
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:20 AM

So very true!.......My friends get pissed when i say "Sorry can't go out tonight Kyleighs sick" their response is always "Find a sitter damn don't you have a life anymore" damn right i have a life they are currently sleeping cuddled up to me and i wouldn't have it any other way if that means i miss the next big party, trip to the bar, whatever then that is just fine with me

amyme63
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:20 AM
2 moms liked this
Your son might come first but if you act like they should all come last you won't be left with many friends. It's your choice to do what you want but just because you have a baby doesn't mean people will still like you if you turn into a completely self centered "mommy". It's not an easy lesson to learn but we have all been there.
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Jenniferv04
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:23 AM

totally 100% agree with that statement i had my 1st "young" relitivly at least, and you quickly learn who your friends are, who your "when it conviences me" friends are and when your "i'm only here when you want to go out drink/party/etc" friends are... and that being said its nice to know who you can still call a friend that dont have kids after you have one

Hildegarde
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:23 AM
Kids come first. Any good mom knows that. Any good friend knows that.
LLeyhe
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:23 AM
Very few friends are long haul types. One day you will look back and see convenience in a lot of friendships. When the convenience is gone so is the friend.

Ex. Friends at work usually don't last when you leave that job. School friends fade after school. Friends that party tend to fade into the night when you stop.

They don't understand your life or priorities because they don't have to. Not ALL friends go. Sometimes there is a real family like connection but they are few and far between. Be cordial but do what you have to do and open yourself up to new people you have more in common with.
Leopard44
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:26 AM

I lost most of mine during pregnancy.

countrymomma81
by Belle*of*the*Bayou on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:28 AM

I'm sorry you lost most of your friends. But I'm that kind of friend. I understand your child will always come first, but I'm not going to revolve my life around your child. If I'm on the phone with you and your child is crying, I will let you go. If I'm at your house and your child starts whining, I will leave. In my case, my kids are 4 and 9 and I already don't have a lot of patience. It's easier to be a friend from afar when my friends have kids. I'd never get mad that someone can't go out because they have their children though. But maybe that's cause I rarely go out. And if someone's child was sick, I'd be offering to help instead of getting mad. But I do find myself pulling away from friends that have small children. 

This recently happened. One of my friends that I had for almost 20 years had her second child about a year and a half ago. The minute he was born I backed off for a while. I understand she was proud and excited, but it was hard to get her to talk about anything other than her new baby. So I backed off a while. Now that he goes to a babysitter a few days a week, she and I are back to hanging out while my kids and her older son is in school. On the days her younger son doesn't go to the babysitter, I don't call her or go to her house. 

Also, everyone knows new moms are busy. All you ever hear of is how mom's don't have enough "me" time and they are always running ragged. It's quite possible they think you don't have time for them. Just saying. 

Irenesmommy
by Platinum Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 1:32 AM

yes I've found this out to be very true, all my friends loved me when I was pregnant, everthing changed when I had my child. they came around a bit when she was little but have since vanished. I found myself rekindling relationships with old friends with whom I pulled the same dick move.I'm grateful everyday they took me back.

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