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life sucks a fat one

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:14 PM
  • 1 Replies

alright, here is some back story...I was married to a man who abused my oldest son physically and mentally, me mentally also. He was starting to do the mental stuff on my younger children also and the physical things like pushing and grabbing the shirt around the collar. Anyway I finally divorced him after 10 years and 3 kids with him.

I had met my highschool love during that time and we decided to make a go at it after the divorce was final. I moved across the state to get a change and also get away from where i had grown up and try soemthing else. He promised me before I moved that if I didnt like it he would go back with me. Its rainy and dark and just terrible weather here most of the time. I am from where the sun shines most days, this is depressing!  Well its 15  months later and now I feel that I tried it here and I want to go back. My kids miss their dad terribly and in my emotional state I think I did the wrong thing by movign them so far away. they see him every other weekend.

They cry for their dad still. Life here is not what I thought it would be. I still have no friends here. BF works late alot. If i need help like to go to an appt or something he maybe can help me with watching the kids. His mom comes first a lot of the time. She manipulate him and makes him feel guilty for not spending a lot of timewith her anymore. But he now has 4 kids to help take care of and me. So my kids dad lives 3 hours away and every other week they have to ride in the car 6 hours round trip to see thier dad.

SO i believe our whole relationship and me moving and uprooting 5 peoples lives was based on a lie. I have started looking in to moving back. I am so scared I willnot be able to do this on my own. I found a house that is tiny. 3 br 1 ba for us. I can have it if I want. and on top of all of this I really really love my bf and want him togo with us but he will not, he says he cant leave his mother or his job...but yet my kids left their dad and i left my job...

i know i didnt really ask a question here i just needed to vent. I have been crying over this. I want to leave on one hand because its best for my kids I feel but I really love this guy dammit

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:14 PM
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Replies (1-1):
bamababe1975
by Stephanie on Dec. 4, 2011 at 4:23 PM

 not sure what to say but you might want to check out the Single Moms group, too -link's in my siggy below


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