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Tell My Mother In Law or Let Her Figure It Out **Edit**

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:52 PM
  • 75 Replies

**So we didn't have to tell her. My lovely sil did it all on her own.Basically, they were talking about us and my SIL took it upon herself, so whatever....She asked my husband and he said yes. She said well weren't you going to tell me? He was polite and said that it isn't something that you want to share over the phone when we knew we would be seeing them on Christmas. She made her usual comments about don't you know what causes that? How fing original ya know? So Christmas at her home was miserable. Hubby went to work at 9 am on Thursday and got home at 6 pm Friday night. We did our family Christmas that night. The next day, Christmas Day, we got up and had to head to her house which is about an hour away. We get there and immediately are greeted with attitude. I brought a fruit tray, but obviously my mil was not happy with that. I asked if I could help with anything. She says no its all done since you weren't here to help cook you can clean all of the dishes. I didn't mind cleaning the dishes, but her attitude made it very uncomfy. Then she made a comment about the rolls and said this is why I hate eating so late. Umm lady? We started eatinf at 1:45pm. I don't know about you, but a full Christmas dinner at 11 or even 12 seems a bit ridiculous to me. Whatever...she did not have to wait on us. We already told her that we would be late. She didn't even care that her son MY HUSBAND had not been home for very long. He was tired so he slept a bit later. Her baby comments were your house is too small, you need to do this, you can't do that, you should do this. Someone made a "funny" about Christmas balls and hubby said something about his Christmas balls worked fine. Then the comment was made well there are operations that can be done to fix your problem. My hubby said I wasn't aware that I had any problems. All in all it was miserable. However something great happened....We have already decided to not go there next year. Oh fing well lady. I can't wait until next Christmas.**

 

So DH and I have been married since 1999. Our first son was born in September of 2000. Our second son was born in February of 2003. I had always said that I wanted 3 boys. My husband asked me one Christmas Day what I wanted for next Christmas. I told him a baby. My mil whiped her head around and said, "You don't need another baby. You already have two." Ok yeah whatever wasn't asking you.

Our children are not her favorites. They are often ignored and not given any attention. So when I did become pregnant with number 3 (another boy) mil never called me once during my entire pregnancy. She did of course have to come to the hospital and interject herself into everything.

Much to our delight we got pregnant again. We had another boy. Again she never called once during my entire pregnancy. My SIL had a girl in between my two sons births. So the day my 4th son was born my MIL was at the hospital. Mason is not more than 3 minutes old, he was still being cleaned up, she says to the nurse that was there when my SIL's baby was born, "I don't know but that Savannah sure holds a special place in my heart." Mason can't even get any attention on his freaking DAY OF BIRTH.

Two weeks later, we go up to her town and meet them for supper. She has another couple with her and my FIL. We sit in the booth in front. After the introductions, we sit down. My mil says, "I was smart. I stopped at 2." My husband was livid. My KIDS were all sitting there. Way to go to make them feel wanted there grandma!

Anyway, then baby number 5 comes along. It is a girl this time. We don't tell her right away. We were about to at a Christmas Party when someone said so is that the baby of them family? Basically asking if anyone was going to have anymore. She says, 'It damn well better be." SO we didn't tell her like we had planned.

When I was pregnant with number 3, she said to me, "If he has Down's, you will abort it YES IT won't you?" She is a special education teacher. You would think she would see value in these children.

We are pregnant with number 6. We have not told mil or fil. I am only 8 weeks right now. She ignores my children. Shows great disdane for large families. This is fine for her. Let me clarify something though. We are not on any assistance. We do not and NEVER HAVE asked them for a dime, to babysit, to help us with a bill. We take care of our own.

Someone once said well maybe she is jealous. I don't think so because she once told me that she had fallen pregnant once and was happy when she misscarried. WHO SAYS THAT!!!!!!!

I could go on and one about what she has said to us, how she ignores us. My SIL and her children live 40 miles SOUTH of us. YET, they will drive down to see them but say we are too far off the main road to visit. She can't remember any of my kids' birthdays. My daughter (number 5) was even BORN ON HER anniversary. She calls the other grandkids for theirs but doesn't bother with ours.

There has never been any fight. There is no bad blood. She just has her favorites. Sorry I got long-winded. My question is do I tell her at Christmas? Or do I not say anything until Easter when we have to go back to her house for that holiday. Hubby said he would tell her at Christmas and if she was negative we would get up and leave. My major issue is my children. They deserve grandparents who love them and value them.

What do I do?

by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
marilyn623
by Gold Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:55 PM
I wouldn't tell her on Christmas, no reason to ruin a perfectly good holiday!
graciesmom6206
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:56 PM
3 moms liked this
I think you said it yourself. Your kids deserve grandparents that want to be involved in their lives and are happy around them. They seem like toxic people and I personally remove toxic people from my life, family or not.
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epoh
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:58 PM
Yup.

Quoting graciesmom6206:

I think you said it yourself. Your kids deserve grandparents that want to be involved in their lives and are happy around them. They seem like toxic people and I personally remove toxic people from my life, family or not.
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Toxic.Stardust
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:59 PM
5 moms liked this
Maybe tell her as you're leaving? "We had a wonderful time. Oh, we're having another baby, bye!" then run out the door lmao
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morrigan914
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 7:59 PM
5 moms liked this
Why bother? When she asks why she wasn't told tell her you figured she wouldn't care anymore then she did about the last 5.

The_Doodle
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:00 PM

I wouldn't even worry about formally teling her. She can find out on her own.

Lostinindy
by Silver Member on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:00 PM
Why tell her and let her rudeness ruin the holiday. I wouldn't bother to tell her at all. It's not like she I going to be happy about it. So why let her know the good news. If she said anything I would say you don't seem to have time for the other five why worry about this one.
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Kmakksmom
by Stefanie on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:00 PM
Tell your MiL. She's going to find out sooner or later.

But not on a holiday. Perhaps on the phone :)
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CrickettyBoo
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:00 PM
Don't.
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mamagreen08
by on Dec. 3, 2011 at 8:01 PM
1 mom liked this

Personally, I would frame in an 8x7 an ultrasound picture of baby #6 and wrap it up as their present and say Happy Holidays!!

It is your life and your family. If she doesn't want to be apart of it, then she doesn't have an opinion. Learn to ignore it and learn that she will never be apart of your children's lives. And there is no way I would be visiting her during the holidays.

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