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*bleep* My husband says...........

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What is the most asinine, crazy, out there shit your SO, DH, DF has ever said?

I think with me it would be (and the tv posts got me thinking of this) we were discussing if we ever had another child, what we would do different, as far as raising them. He stated TV would be gone. The new kid would not be exposed to it. he is is crazy! I can't be without TV, so I know my kid would be exposed too! LOL

We have been married almost 8 yrs, I know there is more shit he has said that made me go WTF? but its hard to think of it right now. Give me time tho! LOL

by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 11:57 AM
Replies (31-40):
HouseofFeast
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 12:38 PM

And then he redeems himself:

Quoting HouseofFeast:

Here's an example of smooshing his head:

Quoting HouseofFeast:

Sometimes he's funny, sometimes I want to smoosh his head like a grape until it pops.

Here's an example of funny:



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SpikedMango
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 12:38 PM
5 moms liked this

DH was playing Boggle on his phone and at the end it shows all the words you didn't find. He got really mad and slammed his phone down.

Me : "What the heck?!"

Him : "They use all these obscure freaking words that nobody freaking knows and it's pissing me off!"

Me : "Let me see."

He hands me the phone and points to a word. "THIS one! What the hell is a-fuh-rayde?! Who the hell knows what that word is?!"

Me : "............. You mean 'afraid'?"


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ How to get silence out of a man for three solid hours. :)

sweetnsassymami
by Diabla on Jan. 24, 2012 at 12:38 PM

lmfao!! mexican sprinker system ahahaha

Quoting LizzieAnnesMom:

Well first off let me start by saying that my DH grew up mostly in Kansas and Okahoma and has never spent much time around Mexicans. I however grew up in a small town in South Texas. Being white was a minority. My grandfather is Mexican. 

Well in my hometown we were sitting in a Mexican food restaurant that my sisters in laws own. Attached to the ceiling by strings were baggies filled with water. My younger BIL, SIL and MIL were with us. My BIL (at the time he was 11 or 12) asked what the baggies were for. My husband answers with this. (please keep in mind he is dead serious)

"It is a Mexican sprinkler system. When the building catches on fire the fire burns the string and the bag falls and bursts, putting out the fire"

*facepalm*


GreenEyePixie
by Ruby Member on Jan. 24, 2012 at 12:40 PM
1 mom liked this
Ok this came from someone else saying it to hubs first but he loves to say it.

Back story: my hubby has brown spots on his feet and legs they are from some disease that is cosmetic only.

When asked about them, he likes to tell people:

I am a black man trying to break out of a white man's body!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
HouseofFeast
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 12:40 PM

pinkiebabii
by Jennie on Jan. 24, 2012 at 12:41 PM
I'm not even saying because my SO kind of reminds me of Jessica Simpson and I'm not embarrassing myself.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
amnesialand69
by Silver Member on Jan. 24, 2012 at 12:48 PM
This made lol so hard i shook the bed and almost woke my 2 yr old up.

Quoting SpikedMango:

One time DH was eating the sausage from one of the Hillshire Farms gift baskets he got for Christmas. I walked in the room and looked at him funny. He was all, What?"

"Why are you eating the paper it's wrapped in?"

".............. It's not the sausage skin?"

"No. That is paper. Paper. You are eating paper. Also, you just ate the Hillshire Farms STICKER attached to the paper."

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
amnesialand69
by Silver Member on Jan. 24, 2012 at 12:50 PM
My husband had a convo in his sleep with me. He started saying random numbers. I asked him what he was talking abou he goes "you never fucking listen to me. If yoy would listen to me you would know what the fuck i was talking about." Lol needless to say he doesnt remember that convo.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
cheez1e
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 12:50 PM

Hilarious, I just busted out laughing!

Quoting SpikedMango:

One time DH was eating the sausage from one of the Hillshire Farms gift baskets he got for Christmas. I walked in the room and looked at him funny. He was all, What?"

"Why are you eating the paper it's wrapped in?"

".............. It's not the sausage skin?"

"No. That is paper. Paper. You are eating paper. Also, you just ate the Hillshire Farms STICKER attached to the paper."


GaleJ
by Silver Member on Jan. 24, 2012 at 12:55 PM

My husband has very vivid dreams and sometimes wakes me up by talking in his sleep/dream. It is inevitably nonsense and although I am then awake he never wakes and doesn't remember any of it afterward, an example:

Him (suddenly and loudly): HONEY I NEED THE MAP!

Me (suddenly awakened): ...what map?

Him: ...the map to the lake

Me: ...what lake?

Him: I can't find the lake and don't know what lake it is without the map.

Me: Okay so forget the map and the lake and let me go to sleep.

Him: If you go to sleep you'll miss the lake.

Me: If you don't have the map and can't find the lake we'll both miss it.

Him: ...okay (and he is quiet and I'm awake and really not very pleased about it at all - ARGH)

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