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The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

*bleep* My husband says...........

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What is the most asinine, crazy, out there shit your SO, DH, DF has ever said?

I think with me it would be (and the tv posts got me thinking of this) we were discussing if we ever had another child, what we would do different, as far as raising them. He stated TV would be gone. The new kid would not be exposed to it. he is is crazy! I can't be without TV, so I know my kid would be exposed too! LOL

We have been married almost 8 yrs, I know there is more shit he has said that made me go WTF? but its hard to think of it right now. Give me time tho! LOL

by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 11:57 AM
Replies (51-60):
SophistiSlut
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 1:49 PM

The other day I slept in until 11:30am. I said, "Good morning," and he insisted that it was afternoon. Uh, dude, if noon hasn't happened yet, it's not afternoon.

Yesterday, he woke up at about 1pm. I said, "Good afternoon," and he said, "I just woke up. It's morning."

What... the eff.

MZ82
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 1:50 PM
Dh says/does things daily that are crazy! Once, he body slammed me on the couch so hard the frame cracked in half. I was laughing so hard, but pissed at the same time! He was like "what? Im john cena!" We had to buy a new couch and everything. This morning after my shower he said " the fresh smell of a woman, aaaahhhhh". Dd asked dh what he was doing the other day. He said "mommy" dd said "no! You are washing dishes!" Every day is something new, it keeps things lively!
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SpikedMango
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 1:51 PM

What's even worse is later on he confessed he had dropped a peice of "sausage skin" on his lap and proceeded to pick it up and eat it also! S.M.H.!!!

Quoting JasKat3:

 I was laughing so hard I started crying for like 5 min straight!!

Quoting SpikedMango:

One time DH was eating the sausage from one of the Hillshire Farms gift baskets he got for Christmas. I walked in the room and looked at him funny. He was all, What?"

"Why are you eating the paper it's wrapped in?"

".............. It's not the sausage skin?"

"No. That is paper. Paper. You are eating paper. Also, you just ate the Hillshire Farms STICKER attached to the paper."

 


SpikedMango
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 1:54 PM

He definitely is! I love being married to him, because there is something that is side splitting funny every stinking day. This life is awesome, lol!

Quoting abbysmommy429:

Your DH sounds hilarious!

Quoting SpikedMango:

DH was playing Boggle on his phone and at the end it shows all the words you didn't find. He got really mad and slammed his phone down.

Me : "What the heck?!"

Him : "They use all these obscure freaking words that nobody freaking knows and it's pissing me off!"

Me : "Let me see."

He hands me the phone and points to a word. "THIS one! What the hell is a-fuh-rayde?! Who the hell knows what that word is?!"

Me : "............. You mean 'afraid'?"


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ How to get silence out of a man for three solid hours. :)


mommy82808
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 1:55 PM

When my son was a baby I had just gotten him to sleep and crawled in bed and of course he wakes up again. So I push my then Bf(now ex) and tell him its his turn to get the baby. He doesn't move so I do it again. He says OK. Then just lays there. I'm thinking that maybe he was trying to wake up a bit before he got up.... couple more min goes by. He still doesn't move. So I start to push him really hard. He then says, "stop Shaking me!"

Me: The baby is crying, Its your turn to get him.

Him: Hes crying because you are shaking me.he is right here in my arms!

Me:"whatever!" Throw the blanket on top of him. Hitting him in the process. Doesn't remember it at all.

chickychatter
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 1:56 PM

We have a PSA commercial and the guy  gets arrested  for driving drunk and my dh yells "there is no way he is drunk he is just pretending".................

kansasmom1978
by Katie on Jan. 24, 2012 at 1:58 PM

When he says it's no big deal to leave me and the kids for two weeks to do mission work.  Don't get me wrong I know he loves it and it's a good thing. But leaving me with 3 kids, one of which is autistic with no car is stupid.

chickychatter
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 1:58 PM

My husband is born in raised in MS and his two favorite phrases are " you are grinning like a possum eating sugar out of a hair brush" His other phrase is " you ain't no more gonna do that than a rabbit on the moon". If you ask him where is he going he will say "up a bear's butt to see the sun rise".  

BraedynsMom414
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 2:00 PM
I'm glad I'm not the only one this happens too. Lol my bf actually said that to me, got up came over to the other bed(we were in a hotel room) propped his feet up on the wall and yelled one more time. Woke up an hour later and didn't remember a thing. Freaking weirdo.

Quoting amnesialand69:

My husband had a convo in his sleep with me. He started saying random numbers. I asked him what he was talking abou he goes "you never fucking listen to me. If yoy would listen to me you would know what the fuck i was talking about." Lol needless to say he doesnt remember that convo.
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SpikedMango
by on Jan. 24, 2012 at 2:01 PM
1 mom liked this

I woke DH up one morning to talk about a vacation to Japan. I didn't realize he wasn't fully awake when I started talking to him.

Backstory : DH is a gamer. He was particularly obsessed with Final Fantasty XI at the time. In that game, there are power moves where you store up "TP" to do the power attack.

"Baby, we need to make sure everything is taken care of before we even attempt to finalize this trip."

"Fine. Get your weapon TP up and we will be ready."

"My weapon TP?"

"There's no way we can gets past the MOBs without your TP skill up."

"Yeah... Okay. I'll get on that right now..."

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