Oh. My. God.
My mom sent me a text right before she came home from work, making sure my husband and I were here. She said she had something to show us...
Ok, Mom, I love you, but I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR NEW SEX TOY! I don't care if it's a pretty, sparkly, purple dildo that requires a whole pack of AA batteries. I don't care if it has a cute little purple hummingbird tickler that vibrates everywhere from the nose to the tail, and includes the wings. I REALLY don't care that the dildo tip wiggles, spins, pulses, and vibrates. I need eye bleach, and my poor husband needs some brain bleach!
I know we're close, but even finding out your last "boyfriend" broke was a little much for me. This was WAY too much!
Well, thanks, Mom...if my childhood hadn't scarred me enough, tonight would certainly do the trick.
I'm SO thinking about getting one of these to put in her toilet to get her back!
Good idea? I certainly thinks so...now to get my husband on board... :D
My mother grabbed dh by the balls during my ultrasound. It's taken him years to get over that.
One day, I was taking my GRANDMA to the store. The idiot in front of me slammed on his breaks, so I had to slam on mine. My Grandma was like "geez! are you trying to kill me? ... oh wait, you are cause you know I'm giving you my sex toys when I die"
And, this same Grandma asked my husband (we weren't married at the time) to fix her computer for her. She then told him, "I don't have much money, but I'll pay you with a blowjob--they're better without teeth"
My Grandma is a hoot.
That's like my Grammie telling me which sex positions are the best, lmao. I can't wait til I move up North...12 hours away from my INSANE family will be GREAT! lol
Quoting sissyboogs:One day, I was taking my GRANDMA to the store. The idiot in front of me slammed on his breaks, so I had to slam on mine. My Grandma was like "geez! are you trying to kill me? ... oh wait, you are cause you know I'm giving you my sex toys when I die"
And, this same Grandma asked my husband (we weren't married at the time) to fix her computer for her. She then told him, "I don't have much money, but I'll pay you with a blowjob--they're better without teeth"
My Grandma is a hoot.
What the...how'd that happen! lol
Quoting bmw29:
LMAO I would die…
My mother grabbed dh by the balls during my ultrasound. It's taken him years to get over that.
good lord! What the hell for?
Quoting bmw29:
LMAO I would die…
My mother grabbed dh by the balls during my ultrasound. It's taken him years to get over that.
ooohhhh!! Yeah she needs to be taught a lesson or needs a real girlfriend, lol.
and I want one of those toilet gag jokes, omg... That would be so awesome in the kids bathroom!
What is your greatest accomplishment? UPDATE
- Red_Tempest
on Feb. 11, 2012 at 12:47 AM