Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Would we be crazy to have a third?!?

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:48 PM
  • 27 Replies

Hello everyone! I'm new here and this is my first post. Thanks for reading! It's a bit lengthy...

I am a 31 year old mother of 2. My daughter is 4 and my son will be 3 next month. My husband and I have been together since we were 16, married since we were 24. We've had a really rocky relationship, and I suffered from pretty severe depression when my kids were tiny. I never really got to enjoy the new mom thing like I wish I had. My husband and I actually separated for about 6 months last year, because of his PTSD (from childhood abuse), and my depression. We got back together about a year ago, and it's been a long, rocky road. However, I feel like we're finally in a good place - and I'm happier than I've ever been before.

We were sure we weren't going to have any more children, and got rid of all of our baby stuff. But now I have the baby itch so badly, I can't stand it. My husband definitely wants a third, and I feel like the kids would love it, it would bring us closer, and it could almost be like a fresh start for us.

That being said, we are currently in a terrible financial situation. We are in the process of filing for bankrupty, and are renting a teensy-tiny 2 bedroom apartment. It's in a great town with great schools, and our rent is incredibly cheap for the area, but it's SMALL. I'm not working, and was planning on going back to work next year. (I'm a teacher.) But if we have another one, I'll have to stay home for at least another year, as childcare would be just about my whole paycheck.

I guess I'm wondering if I would be completely nuts to have another. I really want one, and I think it would make us all even happier as a family. But we'd have to have the baby in our room, and then move him/her in with both kids. Moving to another apartment in this town is not an option (it would at least double our rent), and we're not ready to leave this town just yet. We have a long-term plan, and want to purchase another home of our own in about 2 years, which I think is do-able.

What are your thoughts?? Am I nuts? Just for the record, we've both been to therapy - individually and together - and now have a healthy relationship. Just so you don't think I'm mentally unstable. (I'm not. lol.)

 ETA:

Our financial situation is bad in the fact that we're filing bankruptcy. However, my husband makes good money and we can easily pay our bills, even with the addition of a third. Right now, we're looking at putting about $25,000 into savings this year.

Moving is only not an option because then we couldn't save, and wouldn't be able to buy that house in a few years

by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:48 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Mandiii04
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:50 PM

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
SarahLizyB
by Gold Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:51 PM

Its not a smart move to have more kids. Children are not free. Its not going to help you financially. The only time you should consider is when your financial stable for several years and your relationship is stable.

frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:52 PM

My thought is that no you are not ready to have a third, financially or emotionally.  I would wait 2 yrs after the final therapy assessment before even thinking about bringing another child into the family.  It doesnt sound like the present residence isnt large enough to add another body either.     Definitely wait longer until everything is a bit more stable to have another child.

incognito116
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:53 PM


Quoting Mandiii04:

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
charliebee
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:54 PM

 If the child is going to put a huge financial strain on your family or you have to go on PA to have another child then its probably best to wait. It must be tough to want something so bad though. Maybe plan to get in a better place in a year financially (save up!) and then try! A year isn't all that long really.

OneWackyMama
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:56 PM

Wow. Not a welcoming first response!

Our financial situation is bad in the fact that we're filing bankruptcy. However, my husband makes good money and we can easily pay our bills, even with the addition of a third. Right now, we're looking at putting about $25,000 into savings this year.

Moving is only not an option because then we couldn't save, and wouldn't be able to buy that house in a few years.

wonderwomanT08
by Ruby Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:58 PM
1 mom liked this
If you love the two you have and you are already struggling why would you.have another? That is not fair to.them at all!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mandiii04
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:59 PM
1 mom liked this
If you file for bankruptcy you won't be buying a house anytime soon.

It is moronic to have another child in that kind of situation.


Quoting OneWackyMama:

Wow. Not a welcoming first response!


Our financial situation is bad in the fact that we're filing bankruptcy. However, my husband makes good money and we can easily pay our bills, even with the addition of a third. Right now, we're looking at putting about $25,000 into savings this year.


Moving is only not an option because then we couldn't save, and wouldn't be able to buy that house in a few years.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
FL2AK
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:59 PM
1 mom liked this
Yes. You would be nuts. You have a history of depression after having your children and that along with your husband's mental health led to you two almost ending your marriage. You cannot afford the children that you have let alone another one. Focus on your marriage and the two children you have.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
HadleyAzure
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:00 PM

  Why are you guys filing bankruptcy if you can pay your bills ?

Quoting OneWackyMama:

Wow. Not a welcoming first response!

Our financial situation is bad in the fact that we're filing bankruptcy. However, my husband makes good money and we can easily pay our bills, even with the addition of a third. Right now, we're looking at putting about $25,000 into savings this year.

Moving is only not an option because then we couldn't save, and wouldn't be able to buy that house in a few years.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)