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Guilt trip not needed

Posted by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:52 PM
  • 17 Replies

Some of you may remember my previous post about possibly moving states away to live with my sister while I get back on my feet.  If not here is the post:

http://www.cafemom.com/group/416/forums/read/15860425/I_cant_even_live_on_PA

The short version is that I've been unemployed for 2 years, have had no luck finding a job that is conducive to what I need to be paid and hours I can work.  I have no help with DD on days or hours when daycare is closed that doesn't charge.  The housing assistance in my state has a 7 year waiting list so that option is also out.  My sister has offered to let DD and I move in with her, 5 states away so I can get back on my feet.  At this point it looks like what I will be doing.

I finally told DD's aunt (BD's sister) yesterday that I would be taking DD to another state.  She got very upset.  Her first question was if I had talked to DD's dad (who lives in the same state as my sister) and the courts about this move.  DD's father, of course is completely in support of the decision because it is what is best for DD and I.  He also knows that us living with my sister means DD is closer to him so they can spend time together on a regular basis for a change.  What the courts have to do with it I have no idea since I have custody.  Basically what it comes down to is she was trying to make me feel guilty and argue with me about taking DD so far away from her and her family.  I understand how she feels, but she needs to understand that I have to do what's best for DD.  Staying here leaves me in a position that I cannot provide stability for DD.  She doesn't understand this and is trying to make me feel bad for it.  I had a hard enough time with this decision.  I don't need a guilt trip on top of it.  Ugh.

Thanks for letting me vent.


by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TarotMommy
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:57 PM
1 mom liked this
Do what's best for your family. Never feel guilty for it either. Being closer to your child's daddy is more important than an aunt.
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jkleinman
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 10:59 PM

I agree.  I think part of it is that she's worried she'll see DD about as often as she sees her other niece which is very rare.  I think most of the family hasn't seen the little girl in about a year and a half.

Quoting TarotMommy:

Do what's best for your family. Never feel guilty for it either. Being closer to your child's daddy is more important than an aunt.



Jacqalyn
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:15 PM

As long as you and bio dad have no problem with it then don't worry about what others say. I think you are doing the right thing, even though it may seem hard.

xo.MommyW.xo
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:17 PM
Its not about her. Move asap
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jkleinman
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:18 PM

Thanks.  Emotionally it's not easy.  I will be leaving 21 years of my life when I move.  That is tough to let go of.

Quoting Jacqalyn:

As long as you and bio dad have no problem with it then don't worry about what others say. I think you are doing the right thing, even though it may seem hard.



Lostinindy
by Silver Member on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:21 PM
It will be hard, but a fresh start can be a good thing. Don't let her guilt you. Reassure her that with Facebook and Skype you can keep them connected.
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incognito116
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:21 PM


Quoting xo.MommyW.xo:

Its not about her. Move asap
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jkleinman
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:24 PM

I did.  I also told her that we will be up for visits as often as possible.  She and her mom are always welcome where ever we are, as well.

Quoting Lostinindy:

It will be hard, but a fresh start can be a good thing. Don't let her guilt you. Reassure her that with Facebook and Skype you can keep them connected.



TarotMommy
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:52 PM
I have sympathy for the aunt. However, a person has to do what's best for her immediate family. I have a son in the Navy whom I haven't seen since October and I don't when I'll see him again. I can certainly relate.


Quoting jkleinman:

I agree.  I think part of it is that she's worried she'll see DD about as often as she sees her other niece which is very rare.  I think most of the family hasn't seen the little girl in about a year and a half.

Quoting TarotMommy:

Do what's best for your family. Never feel guilty for it either. Being closer to your child's daddy is more important than an aunt.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jkleinman
by on Feb. 12, 2012 at 11:55 PM

DD's father is in the Army and has been for 10 years now.  His ex-wife is the mother of the little girl and does not like his family.  She puts no effort into making sure his family sees her.

Quoting TarotMommy:

I have sympathy for the aunt. However, a person has to do what's best for her immediate family. I have a son in the Navy whom I haven't seen since October and I don't when I'll see him again. I can certainly relate.


Quoting jkleinman:

I agree.  I think part of it is that she's worried she'll see DD about as often as she sees her other niece which is very rare.  I think most of the family hasn't seen the little girl in about a year and a half.

Quoting TarotMommy:

Do what's best for your family. Never feel guilty for it either. Being closer to your child's daddy is more important than an aunt.





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