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Apparently giving birth is selfish

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So I went to a business dinner with my husband that included a few men from his firm and their wives/so to welcome a new partner.  Since I'd never met the new guys wife before myself and some others were making polite conversation and i asked if she had any children.  She replied they had 2 daughters from China and a son from Russia, she showed us a picture from her purse and told us a bit about them.  I mentioned that they were adorable and that my aunt also had a daughter from China, because she couldn't conceive (i was not insinuating that was her issue at al) She said "ohh no no no. I'm fully fertile.  We just feel with so many homeless, starving children in the world it is just very selfish to have children.  There are too many that need good homes and yet people just keep bringing more children in to a world of limited resources.  Its just awful" At this point every person at the table kind of silenced.  Her husband tried to kin of smooth it over and turned it a little sayig like Oh she means you know more people keep having kids they can't care for its so sad.  She cut him right off and said "no I mean no one in general should be creating children when there are so many out there that need help.It's just so selfish and it's so egotistical how people think they have to mark their territory on the world by planting their seed" AWKWARD! 

Listen I get what she is saying and I think adoption is wonderful..but who the hell says having your own kids is selfish and egotistical? Sorry bitch but we have 2 gorgeous children we made and raise and are working on #3..if that makes me a selfish, egotistical resource waster so be it! lol

Her husband who is technically one of my husband's bosses approached everyone  today who was there and personally apologized and said he had hoped his wifes comments did not offend anyone.  My husband of course said no problem at all...but you can bet they all think this chick is a crazy bitch. 

by on Feb. 16, 2012 at 10:07 PM
Replies (231-240):
CopperGirl
by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 6:32 PM
1 mom liked this

My husband and I chose to adopt because my health is not great and we both have biological things we did not want to pass on. To some people it is important to have their own children for whatever reason. Is it selfish? I don't think so. We got our two kids from foster care as babies, so we were lucky I guess. It is all fine and well to think you can just waltz in and adopt from foster care or international orphanages and it is going to be this rosy fairytale story, but it is not, and it is not that easy either. I do kind of suspect this woman is a little like my husband...he gets a real charge from being "saintlike" and adopting from foster care,which I think is absurd and it annoys the heck out of me, but some people are just that way. You can't help her, she obviously has some issues. Good luck with #3.

windwoman21
by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 6:37 PM
1 mom liked this

Sounds more like she wants a pat on the back for being so "Wonderful"

dfcinnamon
by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 6:37 PM
1 mom liked this

Everybody is entitled to their opinion, but trying to force it down someone's throat is not the right thing to do.  If that is what she wants then let her.  I think being selfish is on her foot not hers.  Maybe she doesn't want to ruin her perfect body by not getting pregnant.

Tyrneathem
by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 6:41 PM

I think you very well summed up my feelings, too.

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

Having a kid is selfish. It's the most selfish thing you can do! It doesn't matter whether that kid is your biological one.

It's selfish. And that's ok.

I agree with you about this lady, incidentally, but probably not for the same reasons.



BbyGrlPickles
by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 6:44 PM
1 mom liked this

Huh well that's a way to look at it I guess.. I mean it DOES make sense to adopt with all the homeless kids around and what not... But I wouldn't exactly call it SELFISH to want "your own" kids...

takahari4
by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 6:44 PM
1 mom liked this
Wow! I must be awful in her eyes because we have 5. And yes we can take care of ours.
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jen1130
by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 6:46 PM
1 mom liked this
Well I understand her point there are a lot of kids in this world needing a good family....what ever their reason 3 kids have a family. She most likely is so into international adoption she has no idea she insulted anyone there with kids (bio).
We are very selfish we have 3 bio kids and 4 adopted from foster care.lol
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Mom2Jake08
by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 6:48 PM
1 mom liked this

What a self-righteous dipshit.

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KellySunshine
by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 6:48 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting FooLynRoo:

I would have congratulated her but asked her how come she isn't into adopting one of the homeless children in her own country - like the 8 year old less desireablechildren who spend their lives without parents in group homes or shuffled from foster family to foster family - a truly saintly soul would know charity starts at home - and someone truly trying to change the world and give out good would give to those most in need (older orphans)

We have 2 bio sons that are in their 20s in college, a 24 year old in college that we had guardianship of as a teen, two kids (adopted 2 years apart) from Mongolia and are in the midst of a foster/adopt from our area.

I was asked that question ALL the time (why don't adopt from the US)? Mostly from people who have not nor plan to adopt at all. I am not sure of your situation...but I do have to saw the question brought tears to my eyes (especially the second time) as it is the rudest question anyone has every asked me, usually stunned me to silence

...so my daughter and son from Mongolia who mean the world to me are not the same worth as an "American" child's life?

Most parents who adopt do not make a decision of US verses the "rest of the world"...they fall in love with a child they are matched to and is best for their current family. If you think an "older" child fits into all families...you have never adopted an older child from  any country "system".  Most children in foster care come with "requirements" (look at some domestic listings sometime)

Things like  "must be youngest in the family" (ie no subsequent kids..probably significant attachment disorder that will be violent to young children and pets), "Can be only child" (again no subsequent kids..lots of therapy), Must go with all siblings (some have issues and requirements of their own and must have rooms for them)...

How we place a higher value on one persons life over another is pretty darn shameful!

..and before you tell me I just want the "perfect" children I don't have to deal with like a "foster" child...my new "American" son has Aspergers, mild mental retardation, emotional disturbance, ADHD, RAD, and massive PTSD and trauma. My other two adopted children had issues like Hep C, ADHD, RAD, emotional disturbances, and poor early nutrition, and FAS...so we get the kids we are meant to have...and that does not stop at the border of our country.

megatriguena
by on Feb. 17, 2012 at 6:48 PM
1 mom liked this
She is not crazy just over opinionated. I feel we shouldn't have more than replacement (i.e., 2 children) and that adoption is important but I don't believe in making other ppl feel bad or uncomfortable over my opinions
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