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Apparently giving birth is selfish

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So I went to a business dinner with my husband that included a few men from his firm and their wives/so to welcome a new partner.  Since I'd never met the new guys wife before myself and some others were making polite conversation and i asked if she had any children.  She replied they had 2 daughters from China and a son from Russia, she showed us a picture from her purse and told us a bit about them.  I mentioned that they were adorable and that my aunt also had a daughter from China, because she couldn't conceive (i was not insinuating that was her issue at al) She said "ohh no no no. I'm fully fertile.  We just feel with so many homeless, starving children in the world it is just very selfish to have children.  There are too many that need good homes and yet people just keep bringing more children in to a world of limited resources.  Its just awful" At this point every person at the table kind of silenced.  Her husband tried to kin of smooth it over and turned it a little sayig like Oh she means you know more people keep having kids they can't care for its so sad.  She cut him right off and said "no I mean no one in general should be creating children when there are so many out there that need help.It's just so selfish and it's so egotistical how people think they have to mark their territory on the world by planting their seed" AWKWARD! 

Listen I get what she is saying and I think adoption is wonderful..but who the hell says having your own kids is selfish and egotistical? Sorry bitch but we have 2 gorgeous children we made and raise and are working on #3..if that makes me a selfish, egotistical resource waster so be it! lol

Her husband who is technically one of my husband's bosses approached everyone  today who was there and personally apologized and said he had hoped his wifes comments did not offend anyone.  My husband of course said no problem at all...but you can bet they all think this chick is a crazy bitch. 

by on Feb. 16, 2012 at 10:07 PM
Replies (681-690):
noed
by on Feb. 20, 2012 at 8:12 AM

clapping

wigglesmomma22
by on Feb. 20, 2012 at 8:26 AM

 Thats great it worked out that way for you.  I'm just saying, it wouldn't work out that way for me.  To be honest, I'm not a kid person...I have one and she wasn't planned but she is the best thing thats ever happened to me.  I'm just trying to point out to others that people really do know that adopting isn't for everyone...although I don't think having your own is selfish.  I'm glad your DH changed his mind, but no one can change my mind on how I feel about adopting children *for me*.  Like I said before, I'm glad other people have the strength too, but I sure don't.

Quoting KellySunshine:

I will just say that once the child is yours....it is no longer "some one else's" Your boyfriend's DD ID someone elses....an adopted child is not...they are yours as much as a bio child.

I have bio and adopted children...I can honestly say I love them all as my children. The first day my daughter toddled over to my lap, plopped down, and turned around and looked at me at 20 months old in an office half way around the world...she was my daughter as much as the day either of my sons were delivered from my body.

My husband was also against adoption, until he saw and we adopted my daughter...and now we have adopted two more...they could not be more his kids if their were blood (they are even different races)...

We are a blessed family. We just got there a different way.

Quoting wigglesmomma22:

 I get it...I'll be the ass here and say...other peoples kids can suck sometimes.  I'm not having anymore children, I have one and I"m happy with her.  But I get it when people are worried they woudln't love an adopted child the same.  I was engaged to a guy with a DD and I didn't love her the same.  It's different, but kind of the same.  Genetics can play a huge role in how kids are...and your rolling the dice when it comes to adopting.  Sometimes, no matter what you do, the child just isn't yours and I can honestly tell you, I wouldn't love an adopted child the same.  Is it mean...kind of..  Do I intend on adopting?  Nope...,because I know that about myself.  I can't even adopt a dog and like it for more than 6 weeks let alone adopt a child for a lifetime.  The mere thought has me running for the hills.  I know that comes off as kind of harsh, but atleast some people know that about themselves or worry about it enough to have them double check themselves before they get involved over there head.  I'm very happy there are people out there that are more compassionate that I am on this topic...the children who have been given up for adoption deserve loving parents...

Quoting lynnd4:

I agree completely. I personally can't understand not loving an adopted child. We did talk at length and my husband couldn't give a real good answer either. Well at least anything that made me really get it. I don't know what we would have done if we couldn't conceive.

Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

Is that abnormal?

I mean, I think that's natural with adoption, especially in a blended family in which one child is adopted and one is biological. I almost expect it. Biology usually triumphs. Doesn't void adoption as an option. (Does it?)

I'm sure you two have talked about this at length, but I have a best friend who is going back and forth between adoption ("I'm infertile and there are 7+ billion people on this planet" argument) and surrogacy (me being a carrier for her kid--biologically hers and her husband's), and her husband keeps saying something similar about adoption. I don't get it. And I try to get him to explain it to me, and he can't seem to do it. IDK why.

If you want a kid so bad, isn't the chance of favoring worth the risk? (But I know in your case, too, you have your bio kids. My friend doesn't.)

Quoting lynnd4:

He was worried that he wouldn't love the child and favor our son. I feel otherwise, but it was a chance he wasn't willing to take.



Quoting SlightlyPerfect:

Why wasn't adoption "for" your husband?

Quoting lynnd4:

I agree. I always wanted one, then adopt. Adoption wasn't for my husband so we tried for a second and got twins. While I wouldn't change anything for the world, I still want to adopt.


 

 

 

exsurfbum
by on Feb. 20, 2012 at 8:52 AM

LOL!

Mazie0723
by Platinum Member on Feb. 20, 2012 at 8:54 AM
Well we all have our opinions.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Geria09
by on Feb. 20, 2012 at 10:01 AM

Again......Yawn........Sigh

Quoting KPNJ2009:

I'm tired too...Yawn...

Quoting Geria09:

Yawn.......Sigh......

Quoting KPNJ2009:

Again,I am not trying to be cute. I am trying to have a discussion about different points of view, but you for some reason seem to be really angry, perhaps some therapy might help with those issues? I do hope you get that chip off your shoulder and learn to co exist even with people who don't always share your opinion. I am not upset, but you seem to be so we aren't making progress with this conversation, it would be best to not continue. Have a good day.

Quoting Geria09:

There you go again? Frankly,  I don't care to discuss this issue with you. Your condesention isn't cute, but your obessive-aggressive compulsive behavior is VERY DISTURBING and boring, lol.

Door closed.

Quoting KPNJ2009:

I am trying to understand where you are coming from. This is part of a discussion. One party states there opinion and the other party states there opinion and we both discuss it to try to see why the other person thinks the way they do. I asked for clarification so I can understand better where you are coming from.

I am sorry if you feel you are being attacked, people disagree all the time. I disagree with your comment and well you don't agree with mine but even if we disagree I don't understand why are you so angry?

Quoting Geria09:

You quoted my comments, you could have at least shown some decorum and now you're trying to read into the emotions, if any, of my comments?  How weird?  Why would I clarify anything to you? You judged me right out the gate about my opinions on this subject and you want clarification?  I don't think so.....

Quoting KPNJ2009:

Wow, angry much? No one is taking your opinions away from you. I too have my opinion and it just so happens to disagree with yours. It doesn't make me one sided, it makes me opinionated just like you. I guess we arent so different after all.

Have you yourself had bad experiences with county run agencies? If so, you didn't mention that bit of information you stated "I have heard horror stories of adopted..." ..that statement leads readers including myself to think this is third party information..

But then you say "Especially since county run adoption agencies...haven't been so forthcoming in giving the complete medical history"..So you have tried adoption yourself and found agencies to be hiding medical history?

Do you have first hand experience, or don't you..I'm a bit confused, please clarify.

Quoting Geria09:

For your information some of those stories are from people I know.  You apparently have a one-sided view on this issue, and that's fine, but I will have my opinions and they are just that MY OPINIONS.  And yes, I would feel like the child is a stranger among me and my husband, especially since county run adoption agencies in the past haven't been so forthcoming in giving the complete medical and psychological history of older children.

I also cannot speak on the decisions of other families, just my own.

Quoting KPNJ2009:

You have heard horror stories? Give me a break, thank god most people don't base their life decisions on stories "they have heard". Tragedy can occur whether people are blood related or not. To say that a child that is adopted would always feel like a stranger living among "us"..right there you create a "them and an us"..of course the child will not feel a part of the family since you already have made that separation.

I have a biological daughter, she looks absolutely nothing like me. Yes my body grew her and I birthed her, but if I didn't see it myself I may have doubted she was biologically mine. What about the parents that can't physically bear children? What about the ones that use a surrogate? Or the ones with sperm donors?Or the ones that adopt? Would those children always feel as though they dont belong in the family? Like any children  (adopted or otherwise) they will go through an identity phase during their lifetime but a stable loving environment can overcome many barriers, including ignorance from adults.

Quoting Geria09:

You know where this comes from.....extreme left-wing environmentalist who have set their own doomsday clock, lol.  It's funny how the Christian right-wingers are condemned for their religious doomsday beliefs....talk about irony! 

I am a mother of a 4 yr old son and his dad and I never wanted to adopt.  Sorry to say, but the child would always feel like a stranger living among us.  I have heard horror stories of adopted older children assaulting (sexual and/or physical) biological children.  In some cases, these children would kill the parents and/or biological children.  Of course those are rare case, but I think it's frightening nonetheless. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


KellySunshine
by on Feb. 20, 2012 at 10:28 AM

I am not sure how this specific post started but I have a few thoughts on what I read right now....

The issue that people are getting upset with are vast opinions and generalizations based on 2nd hand information, sometimes 10th person and just rumor and news stories that adoptions are extremely risky, costly, and the children will never feel like your "own". So as an adoptive parent, an adoptive child that has worked in one on one adoption advocacy for years, these rumors and minority cases spread fears hence why we currently have over 150,000 foster children in Amercia avaialble for adoption who, most, will probably never get a home....as well as millions in foriegn orphanages that will get sold into sex slave and theft as soon as they "age out" at the ripe old age of 16...imagine your own child having no future at the age of 16...pretty distressing, huh?

Yes, there is RAD, lots of damage done at the hands of abuse or abandonment...but there is a spectrum. It goes from mild to severe. The situations you are quoting are the most severe that happens in .000000001 percent of the cases, not even close to the majority. If you do not want to adopt and think you cannot bond to a child that does not come from your body...that is fine, please do not spread extreme cases as the norm which hurts the opportuntity of others considering it and those children that might be able to have a family as well.

There has been a lot of ignorance in these posts about attachment, bonding, and adoption overall and I think us adoptive parents are sitting back and saying "huh?"

Quoting Geria09:

Again......Yawn........Sigh

Quoting KPNJ2009:

I'm tired too...Yawn...

Quoting Geria09:

Yawn.......Sigh......

Quoting KPNJ2009:

Again,I am not trying to be cute. I am trying to have a discussion about different points of view, but you for some reason seem to be really angry, perhaps some therapy might help with those issues? I do hope you get that chip off your shoulder and learn to co exist even with people who don't always share your opinion. I am not upset, but you seem to be so we aren't making progress with this conversation, it would be best to not continue. Have a good day.

Quoting Geria09:

There you go again? Frankly,  I don't care to discuss this issue with you. Your condesention isn't cute, but your obessive-aggressive compulsive behavior is VERY DISTURBING and boring, lol.

Door closed.

Quoting KPNJ2009:

I am trying to understand where you are coming from. This is part of a discussion. One party states there opinion and the other party states there opinion and we both discuss it to try to see why the other person thinks the way they do. I asked for clarification so I can understand better where you are coming from.

I am sorry if you feel you are being attacked, people disagree all the time. I disagree with your comment and well you don't agree with mine but even if we disagree I don't understand why are you so angry?

Quoting Geria09:

You quoted my comments, you could have at least shown some decorum and now you're trying to read into the emotions, if any, of my comments?  How weird?  Why would I clarify anything to you? You judged me right out the gate about my opinions on this subject and you want clarification?  I don't think so.....

Quoting KPNJ2009:

Wow, angry much? No one is taking your opinions away from you. I too have my opinion and it just so happens to disagree with yours. It doesn't make me one sided, it makes me opinionated just like you. I guess we arent so different after all.

Have you yourself had bad experiences with county run agencies? If so, you didn't mention that bit of information you stated "I have heard horror stories of adopted..." ..that statement leads readers including myself to think this is third party information..

But then you say "Especially since county run adoption agencies...haven't been so forthcoming in giving the complete medical history"..So you have tried adoption yourself and found agencies to be hiding medical history?

Do you have first hand experience, or don't you..I'm a bit confused, please clarify.

Quoting Geria09:

For your information some of those stories are from people I know.  You apparently have a one-sided view on this issue, and that's fine, but I will have my opinions and they are just that MY OPINIONS.  And yes, I would feel like the child is a stranger among me and my husband, especially since county run adoption agencies in the past haven't been so forthcoming in giving the complete medical and psychological history of older children.

I also cannot speak on the decisions of other families, just my own.

Quoting KPNJ2009:

You have heard horror stories? Give me a break, thank god most people don't base their life decisions on stories "they have heard". Tragedy can occur whether people are blood related or not. To say that a child that is adopted would always feel like a stranger living among "us"..right there you create a "them and an us"..of course the child will not feel a part of the family since you already have made that separation.

I have a biological daughter, she looks absolutely nothing like me. Yes my body grew her and I birthed her, but if I didn't see it myself I may have doubted she was biologically mine. What about the parents that can't physically bear children? What about the ones that use a surrogate? Or the ones with sperm donors?Or the ones that adopt? Would those children always feel as though they dont belong in the family? Like any children  (adopted or otherwise) they will go through an identity phase during their lifetime but a stable loving environment can overcome many barriers, including ignorance from adults.

Quoting Geria09:

You know where this comes from.....extreme left-wing environmentalist who have set their own doomsday clock, lol.  It's funny how the Christian right-wingers are condemned for their religious doomsday beliefs....talk about irony! 

I am a mother of a 4 yr old son and his dad and I never wanted to adopt.  Sorry to say, but the child would always feel like a stranger living among us.  I have heard horror stories of adopted older children assaulting (sexual and/or physical) biological children.  In some cases, these children would kill the parents and/or biological children.  Of course those are rare case, but I think it's frightening nonetheless. 












Geria09
by on Feb. 20, 2012 at 11:04 AM

Thank you for sharing on this subject and my comments were not meant to offend adoptive parents.  However, I think I shouldn't have been put in a position to explain my point of view either.  I give clarification where it's needed when in a healthy conversation, that being said, I don't choose to nor ever will adopt.

One mom on this post said it well when she expressed concerns about how the child comes into being (conceived, gestated, and born) and then grow up in foster homes and orphanages.  A perspective parent has no idea the full ramifications to how this decision will affect their family, especially with older children.  I know personally people (family members included) who have adopted older children and it had been a disaster, but somehow they overcame those unimaginable obstacles.  The fact that these cases happen shouldn't be devalued to elemental statistics, that's just wrong.  The reason millions of children are sold into the sex slave trade is not the responsibility of individuals and advocacy groups alone, it's the responsibility of that country's government as well.

I must finally say, I don't spread rumors, fear, or over assumptions and generalizations.  These incidences happen and usually only come out as a form of sensationalized media, but the fact is, they do happen.

Quoting KellySunshine:

I am not sure how this specific post started but I have a few thoughts on what I read right now....

The issue that people are getting upset with are vast opinions and generalizations based on 2nd hand information, sometimes 10th person and just rumor and news stories that adoptions are extremely risky, costly, and the children will never feel like your "own". So as an adoptive parent, an adoptive child that has worked in one on one adoption advocacy for years, these rumors and minority cases spread fears hence why we currently have over 150,000 foster children in Amercia avaialble for adoption who, most, will probably never get a home....as well as millions in foriegn orphanages that will get sold into sex slave and theft as soon as they "age out" at the ripe old age of 16...imagine your own child having no future at the age of 16...pretty distressing, huh?

Yes, there is RAD, lots of damage done at the hands of abuse or abandonment...but there is a spectrum. It goes from mild to severe. The situations you are quoting are the most severe that happens in .000000001 percent of the cases, not even close to the majority. If you do not want to adopt and think you cannot bond to a child that does not come from your body...that is fine, please do not spread extreme cases as the norm which hurts the opportuntity of others considering it and those children that might be able to have a family as well.

There has been a lot of ignorance in these posts about attachment, bonding, and adoption overall and I think us adoptive parents are sitting back and saying "huh?"

Quoting Geria09:

Again......Yawn........Sigh

Quoting KPNJ2009:

I'm tired too...Yawn...

Quoting Geria09:

Yawn.......Sigh......

Quoting KPNJ2009:

Again,I am not trying to be cute. I am trying to have a discussion about different points of view, but you for some reason seem to be really angry, perhaps some therapy might help with those issues? I do hope you get that chip off your shoulder and learn to co exist even with people who don't always share your opinion. I am not upset, but you seem to be so we aren't making progress with this conversation, it would be best to not continue. Have a good day.

Quoting Geria09:

There you go again? Frankly,  I don't care to discuss this issue with you. Your condesention isn't cute, but your obessive-aggressive compulsive behavior is VERY DISTURBING and boring, lol.

Door closed.

Quoting KPNJ2009:

I am trying to understand where you are coming from. This is part of a discussion. One party states there opinion and the other party states there opinion and we both discuss it to try to see why the other person thinks the way they do. I asked for clarification so I can understand better where you are coming from.

I am sorry if you feel you are being attacked, people disagree all the time. I disagree with your comment and well you don't agree with mine but even if we disagree I don't understand why are you so angry?

Quoting Geria09:

You quoted my comments, you could have at least shown some decorum and now you're trying to read into the emotions, if any, of my comments?  How weird?  Why would I clarify anything to you? You judged me right out the gate about my opinions on this subject and you want clarification?  I don't think so.....

Quoting KPNJ2009:

Wow, angry much? No one is taking your opinions away from you. I too have my opinion and it just so happens to disagree with yours. It doesn't make me one sided, it makes me opinionated just like you. I guess we arent so different after all.

Have you yourself had bad experiences with county run agencies? If so, you didn't mention that bit of information you stated "I have heard horror stories of adopted..." ..that statement leads readers including myself to think this is third party information..

But then you say "Especially since county run adoption agencies...haven't been so forthcoming in giving the complete medical history"..So you have tried adoption yourself and found agencies to be hiding medical history?

Do you have first hand experience, or don't you..I'm a bit confused, please clarify.

Quoting Geria09:

For your information some of those stories are from people I know.  You apparently have a one-sided view on this issue, and that's fine, but I will have my opinions and they are just that MY OPINIONS.  And yes, I would feel like the child is a stranger among me and my husband, especially since county run adoption agencies in the past haven't been so forthcoming in giving the complete medical and psychological history of older children.

I also cannot speak on the decisions of other families, just my own.

Quoting KPNJ2009:

You have heard horror stories? Give me a break, thank god most people don't base their life decisions on stories "they have heard". Tragedy can occur whether people are blood related or not. To say that a child that is adopted would always feel like a stranger living among "us"..right there you create a "them and an us"..of course the child will not feel a part of the family since you already have made that separation.

I have a biological daughter, she looks absolutely nothing like me. Yes my body grew her and I birthed her, but if I didn't see it myself I may have doubted she was biologically mine. What about the parents that can't physically bear children? What about the ones that use a surrogate? Or the ones with sperm donors?Or the ones that adopt? Would those children always feel as though they dont belong in the family? Like any children  (adopted or otherwise) they will go through an identity phase during their lifetime but a stable loving environment can overcome many barriers, including ignorance from adults.

Quoting Geria09:

You know where this comes from.....extreme left-wing environmentalist who have set their own doomsday clock, lol.  It's funny how the Christian right-wingers are condemned for their religious doomsday beliefs....talk about irony! 

I am a mother of a 4 yr old son and his dad and I never wanted to adopt.  Sorry to say, but the child would always feel like a stranger living among us.  I have heard horror stories of adopted older children assaulting (sexual and/or physical) biological children.  In some cases, these children would kill the parents and/or biological children.  Of course those are rare case, but I think it's frightening nonetheless. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


bchicobraun
by on Feb. 20, 2012 at 12:10 PM

True dat! She is a crazy bitch :-) Good thing I was not at this dinner, I would have gone off! I am alllll for adoption, but this is just crazy talk!

KellySunshine
by on Feb. 20, 2012 at 1:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree that will will need to disagree...if you have been to a foriegn orphanage and seen those beautiful children knowing their most likely fate, I do not think you would hang your hat on "their government changing"...it is like your own child, if they are in a bad situation, you remove your child from that situation and worry about "the big picture" later. That is how most adoptive parents feel about "government changing". My personal daughter would have died in her country at the age of 3.5 yr due to a surgery she needed t the time, I just an so thankful I got her younger than that time to give her that chance to live and be happy. She is a 10 year old amazing girl today that wins the hearts of most she meets now. That would not be possible if it weren't for foriegn adoption.

I know you do not condemn adoption, I saw that...so I was making a general statement about the foriegn adoptions.

However, I do think there is a certain responsibility we all take in a public forum when giving a very defining and strong viewpoint or opinion for defending and/or explaining our point of view. If not, why contribute it? That applies to me as much as everyone else.



Quoting Geria09:

Thank you for sharing on this subject and my comments were not meant to offend adoptive parents.  However, I think I shouldn't have been put in a position to explain my point of view either.  I give clarification where it's needed when in a healthy conversation, that being said, I don't choose to nor ever will adopt.

One mom on this post said it well when she expressed concerns about how the child comes into being (conceived, gestated, and born) and then grow up in foster homes and orphanages.  A perspective parent has no idea the full ramifications to how this decision will affect their family, especially with older children.  I know personally people (family members included) who have adopted older children and it had been a disaster, but somehow they overcame those unimaginable obstacles.  The fact that these cases happen shouldn't be devalued to elemental statistics, that's just wrong.  The reason millions of children are sold into the sex slave trade is not the responsibility of individuals and advocacy groups alone, it's the responsibility of that country's government as well.

I must finally say, I don't spread rumors, fear, or over assumptions and generalizations.  These incidences happen and usually only come out as a form of sensationalized media, but the fact is, they do happen.

Quoting KellySunshine:

I am not sure how this specific post started but I have a few thoughts on what I read right now....

The issue that people are getting upset with are vast opinions and generalizations based on 2nd hand information, sometimes 10th person and just rumor and news stories that adoptions are extremely risky, costly, and the children will never feel like your "own". So as an adoptive parent, an adoptive child that has worked in one on one adoption advocacy for years, these rumors and minority cases spread fears hence why we currently have over 150,000 foster children in Amercia avaialble for adoption who, most, will probably never get a home....as well as millions in foriegn orphanages that will get sold into sex slave and theft as soon as they "age out" at the ripe old age of 16...imagine your own child having no future at the age of 16...pretty distressing, huh?

Yes, there is RAD, lots of damage done at the hands of abuse or abandonment...but there is a spectrum. It goes from mild to severe. The situations you are quoting are the most severe that happens in .000000001 percent of the cases, not even close to the majority. If you do not want to adopt and think you cannot bond to a child that does not come from your body...that is fine, please do not spread extreme cases as the norm which hurts the opportuntity of others considering it and those children that might be able to have a family as well.

There has been a lot of ignorance in these posts about attachment, bonding, and adoption overall and I think us adoptive parents are sitting back and saying "huh?"

Quoting Geria09:

Again......Yawn........Sigh

Quoting KPNJ2009:

I'm tired too...Yawn...

Quoting Geria09:

Yawn.......Sigh......

Quoting KPNJ2009:

Again,I am not trying to be cute. I am trying to have a discussion about different points of view, but you for some reason seem to be really angry, perhaps some therapy might help with those issues? I do hope you get that chip off your shoulder and learn to co exist even with people who don't always share your opinion. I am not upset, but you seem to be so we aren't making progress with this conversation, it would be best to not continue. Have a good day.

Quoting Geria09:

There you go again? Frankly,  I don't care to discuss this issue with you. Your condesention isn't cute, but your obessive-aggressive compulsive behavior is VERY DISTURBING and boring, lol.

Door closed.

Quoting KPNJ2009:

I am trying to understand where you are coming from. This is part of a discussion. One party states there opinion and the other party states there opinion and we both discuss it to try to see why the other person thinks the way they do. I asked for clarification so I can understand better where you are coming from.

I am sorry if you feel you are being attacked, people disagree all the time. I disagree with your comment and well you don't agree with mine but even if we disagree I don't understand why are you so angry?

Quoting Geria09:

You quoted my comments, you could have at least shown some decorum and now you're trying to read into the emotions, if any, of my comments?  How weird?  Why would I clarify anything to you? You judged me right out the gate about my opinions on this subject and you want clarification?  I don't think so.....

Quoting KPNJ2009:

Wow, angry much? No one is taking your opinions away from you. I too have my opinion and it just so happens to disagree with yours. It doesn't make me one sided, it makes me opinionated just like you. I guess we arent so different after all.

Have you yourself had bad experiences with county run agencies? If so, you didn't mention that bit of information you stated "I have heard horror stories of adopted..." ..that statement leads readers including myself to think this is third party information..

But then you say "Especially since county run adoption agencies...haven't been so forthcoming in giving the complete medical history"..So you have tried adoption yourself and found agencies to be hiding medical history?

Do you have first hand experience, or don't you..I'm a bit confused, please clarify.

Quoting Geria09:

For your information some of those stories are from people I know.  You apparently have a one-sided view on this issue, and that's fine, but I will have my opinions and they are just that MY OPINIONS.  And yes, I would feel like the child is a stranger among me and my husband, especially since county run adoption agencies in the past haven't been so forthcoming in giving the complete medical and psychological history of older children.

I also cannot speak on the decisions of other families, just my own.

Quoting KPNJ2009:

You have heard horror stories? Give me a break, thank god most people don't base their life decisions on stories "they have heard". Tragedy can occur whether people are blood related or not. To say that a child that is adopted would always feel like a stranger living among "us"..right there you create a "them and an us"..of course the child will not feel a part of the family since you already have made that separation.

I have a biological daughter, she looks absolutely nothing like me. Yes my body grew her and I birthed her, but if I didn't see it myself I may have doubted she was biologically mine. What about the parents that can't physically bear children? What about the ones that use a surrogate? Or the ones with sperm donors?Or the ones that adopt? Would those children always feel as though they dont belong in the family? Like any children  (adopted or otherwise) they will go through an identity phase during their lifetime but a stable loving environment can overcome many barriers, including ignorance from adults.

Quoting Geria09:

You know where this comes from.....extreme left-wing environmentalist who have set their own doomsday clock, lol.  It's funny how the Christian right-wingers are condemned for their religious doomsday beliefs....talk about irony! 

I am a mother of a 4 yr old son and his dad and I never wanted to adopt.  Sorry to say, but the child would always feel like a stranger living among us.  I have heard horror stories of adopted older children assaulting (sexual and/or physical) biological children.  In some cases, these children would kill the parents and/or biological children.  Of course those are rare case, but I think it's frightening nonetheless. 














mon78
by on Feb. 20, 2012 at 6:56 PM

Some people think it's selfish to not want to have children.  My grandma told me she thought my cousin was selfish because she asked her if she was going to have children and she said no that she didn't want any.

I think adoption is wonderful and unselfish but every family is unique in their own way and children are a blessing from God regardless of the situation of the family.

I agree with you.  Her comment was not necessary for that occasion.  If she really feels that way she should keep it to herself.  It sounds very ignorant.

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