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Apparently giving birth is selfish

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So I went to a business dinner with my husband that included a few men from his firm and their wives/so to welcome a new partner.  Since I'd never met the new guys wife before myself and some others were making polite conversation and i asked if she had any children.  She replied they had 2 daughters from China and a son from Russia, she showed us a picture from her purse and told us a bit about them.  I mentioned that they were adorable and that my aunt also had a daughter from China, because she couldn't conceive (i was not insinuating that was her issue at al) She said "ohh no no no. I'm fully fertile.  We just feel with so many homeless, starving children in the world it is just very selfish to have children.  There are too many that need good homes and yet people just keep bringing more children in to a world of limited resources.  Its just awful" At this point every person at the table kind of silenced.  Her husband tried to kin of smooth it over and turned it a little sayig like Oh she means you know more people keep having kids they can't care for its so sad.  She cut him right off and said "no I mean no one in general should be creating children when there are so many out there that need help.It's just so selfish and it's so egotistical how people think they have to mark their territory on the world by planting their seed" AWKWARD! 

Listen I get what she is saying and I think adoption is wonderful..but who the hell says having your own kids is selfish and egotistical? Sorry bitch but we have 2 gorgeous children we made and raise and are working on #3..if that makes me a selfish, egotistical resource waster so be it! lol

Her husband who is technically one of my husband's bosses approached everyone  today who was there and personally apologized and said he had hoped his wifes comments did not offend anyone.  My husband of course said no problem at all...but you can bet they all think this chick is a crazy bitch. 

by on Feb. 16, 2012 at 10:07 PM
Replies (691-700):
soonmommyof2.
by on Feb. 20, 2012 at 7:03 PM
Wow. i agree with what you said about adoption. It is wonderful. But it doesn't make anyone selfish for having children of their own. Lol. She needs help. Sorry that you had to go through that. But honestly i would have laughed.
lynnd4
by on Feb. 20, 2012 at 7:48 PM
It's not harsh, its honest and I commend you for this. Thank you.

Quoting wigglesmomma22:

 I get it...I'll be the ass here and say...other peoples kids can suck sometimes.  I'm not having anymore children, I have one and I"m happy with her.  But I get it when people are worried they woudln't love an adopted child the same.  I was engaged to a guy with a DD and I didn't love her the same.  It's different, but kind of the same.  Genetics can play a huge role in how kids are...and your rolling the dice when it comes to adopting.  Sometimes, no matter what you do, the child just isn't yours and I can honestly tell you, I wouldn't love an adopted child the same.  Is it mean...kind of..  Do I intend on adopting?  Nope...,because I know that about myself.  I can't even adopt a dog and like it for more than 6 weeks let alone adopt a child for a lifetime.  The mere thought has me running for the hills.  I know that comes off as kind of harsh, but atleast some people know that about themselves or worry about it enough to have them double check themselves before they get involved over there head.  I'm very happy there are people out there that are more compassionate that I am on this topic...the children who have been given up for adoption deserve loving parents...


Quoting lynnd4:

I agree completely. I personally can't understand not loving an adopted child. We did talk at length and my husband couldn't give a real good answer either. Well at least anything that made me really get it. I don't know what we would have done if we couldn't conceive.


Quoting SlightlyPerfect:


Is that abnormal?


I mean, I think that's natural with adoption, especially in a blended family in which one child is adopted and one is biological. I almost expect it. Biology usually triumphs. Doesn't void adoption as an option. (Does it?)


I'm sure you two have talked about this at length, but I have a best friend who is going back and forth between adoption ("I'm infertile and there are 7+ billion people on this planet" argument) and surrogacy (me being a carrier for her kid--biologically hers and her husband's), and her husband keeps saying something similar about adoption. I don't get it. And I try to get him to explain it to me, and he can't seem to do it. IDK why.


If you want a kid so bad, isn't the chance of favoring worth the risk? (But I know in your case, too, you have your bio kids. My friend doesn't.)


Quoting lynnd4:

He was worried that he wouldn't love the child and favor our son. I feel otherwise, but it was a chance he wasn't willing to take.




Quoting SlightlyPerfect:


Why wasn't adoption "for" your husband?


Quoting lynnd4:

I agree. I always wanted one, then adopt. Adoption wasn't for my husband so we tried for a second and got twins. While I wouldn't change anything for the world, I still want to adopt.



 

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Dandelionchick
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 8:51 AM

  I think that was horrible to say something like that.  Why should we all be obligated to raise other peoples children.  Especially ones given up because of the sex.  I understand that there are tons out there and that need homes.  But I have five.  And I would not have wanted to adopt.  I wanted the pleasure of carrying them and nursing them - it was selfish of her to put that thought out there to others.  but she clearly has some issues - so just brush it off. It is her right to have her thoughts as it is to have ours.  Good for her to want to adopt.  

Joy269
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 3:09 PM

Dear Chloe,  It is definitely not selfish to want your own biological children!  I personally have two biological children and two adopted children!  Both ways of having children are wonderful AND it is a personal choice.  I have never heard of anyone adopting when they can biologically HAVE children.  I wonder if it is really the case that this lady is "fully firtile".  She certainly is FULLY RUDE!  Just my opinion.

 

Susan0805
by ~♥~Susan~♥~ on Feb. 21, 2012 at 3:16 PM
She better never work in my husbands office! (hes a paralegal) half of the lawyers in his office are mormon (not that, that is bad just that they typically have big families!) and all of us have children, except one single guy and most have several! Bhaha
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CrickettyBoo
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 3:25 PM
Yowzers.
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kitty8199
by Ruby Member on Feb. 21, 2012 at 3:27 PM
I honestly feel like there are too many kids in foster care to adopt from an agency if she really wants to "save the world". Adopt from foster care in the US.
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Anniethemommy
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 5:43 PM

Wow.... Awkward.... I think adoption is great, my Dad and Uncle whom are twins were adopted. and I wasn't supposed to be able to have babies and said if I couldn't conceive I'd consider adoption if I really felt like I needed a baby after trying, but wow most definitely try not to get seated at her table again....and how selfish is she to adopt from other countries when we have kids right here that need homes?... Wow...

KellySunshine
by on Feb. 21, 2012 at 9:50 PM

Except the world in significantly more than the US...the agencies are not "manufacturing" children..those pictures are all real children in orphanages. All children in this world are deserving of loving parents....in the US and out.

Quoting kitty8199:

I honestly feel like there are too many kids in foster care to adopt from an agency if she really wants to "save the world". Adopt from foster care in the US.


kitty8199
by Ruby Member on Feb. 21, 2012 at 10:32 PM
Yes they do but I feel like people should start at home.

Quoting KellySunshine:

Except the world in significantly more than the US...the agencies are not "manufacturing" children..those pictures are all real children in orphanages. All children in this world are deserving of loving parents....in the US and out.


Quoting kitty8199:

I honestly feel like there are too many kids in foster care to adopt from an agency if she really wants to "save the world". Adopt from foster care in the US.


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