Your child and name calling

[Aladdin.Sane]

What do you think about parents calling their child(ren) names?

I recently had a playdate with my daughter and two other girls her same age (4). The parent of one of the girls kept calling her names like moron, ding bat and retard. Retard repeatedly. He was obviously joking and would say it when the girl did something silly. Even in a joking manner I think calling your kid names all the time can negatively affect their self esteem and also influence them to use name calling with other people.

I cant imagine calling anyone a retard, especially my own kid. Thoughts?

[massteria]

I don't recall ever calling my kids retard....but I use dork frequently when they are just being silly.  Does it hurt their self esteem....no.  They know they are being silly and that we are playing around.  If I were to do it in a serious manner, then it would probably have a different effect.

[davnrori]

I've never been around a mom who called her child names but I've seen a lot of dads who do what you described. There was a dad at a birthday party I went to who kept calling his daughter, "dummy", or "you little dummy". And saying things like, "use your brain", "that wasn't very smart", and "why don't you think once in a while". The kid was 5yrs old. It made me so mad! I don't talk to my kids that way. If DD1 does something wrong, I'll say, "Okay, let's think about what went wrong here" but I never attack her intelligence.

[bamababe1975]

 I grew up with parents who did that so I made sure to never do or allow that here. I know how hurtful and damaging such name can be, particularly when people you love are saying them to you.

Now, we do tease and call each other "goober" or playful names that aren't in any way used negatively or hurtfully, just silly like when we're playing and stuff. I can see that they still have good self esteem, so I know that those silly names aren't affecting them the way the words my parents used still affect me today.