This is my father and his other daughter... a year ago. I have no photos with him. Only she does.
As a lot of you may know, my father has alienated me. Completely. He was in my life until I was 14, then stopped abruptly. I made my mistakes, paid my dues, and came back and tried being a daughter again. He refuses to talk to me. I'm 22 now, so basically 8 years I've been without him. I have two kids, his grandsons, that he has seen a handful of times but not when I was around. He hasn't seen the baby at all. Hasn't called to see how I am... nothing. He takes my other sister shopping all the time, spends money, goes out to eat.. I finally called him and left a message and said something along the lines of "It's bullshit that you do all this for "D" and spend all that money, and I never ask for anything. All I want is a phone call. I'm done."
Of course, he never did call.
I saw him July of 2011 for the last time. He saw me, went inside, and came back outside with a gun tucked in the back of his shorts, then told his girlfriend (I overheard) that he was going to shoot me if I even looked at him funny.
I left the birthday party in tears.
Anyway, my point is, I had a dream last night that he died. In my dream, my heart broke because I loved him but never got that chance to be his daughter. I had the feeling of never being able to be daddy's princess.
So if any of you had a rough relationship with your dad.. and if they passed (I'm sorry)... how do you deal with it? I know he's probably not dead... but it's going to happen someday and I don't think we'll get the chance to talk before because he hates me.
I am a mother since May 1st of 2008 to Isaiah
And since January 4th, 2012 to Kelly
And a SAHM since October of 2011
I have a lot of regret. I knew my dad was ill, but I didn't realize HOW ill he was. However, we didn't have a relationship because he didn't want one. It was just that simple. I tried, he didn't want it, and that was it. My father was physically and mentally ill, and I couldn't change who he was. He was my dad and I loved him dearly, albeit from a distance. Not forcing myself and my family on him is one regret that I have. I wish I had seen him one more time and I wish my kids had been able to meet him. But what's done is done.
See, that breaks my heart.
I know who he used to be... but since he's gone nuts... it's like I just don't know what to do.
Quoting rockinmomto2:I have a lot of regret. I knew my dad was ill, but I didn't realize HOW ill he was. However, we didn't have a relationship because he didn't want one. It was just that simple. I tried, he didn't want it, and that was it. My father was physically and mentally ill, and I couldn't change who he was. He was my dad and I loved him dearly, albeit from a distance. Not forcing myself and my family on him is one regret that I have. I wish I had seen him one more time and I wish my kids had been able to meet him. But what's done is done.
I am a mother since May 1st of 2008 to Isaiah
And since January 4th, 2012 to Kelly
And a SAHM since October of 2011
Sweetie, there's nothing you can do. When you have a mentally ill parent, you can't change who they are. You have to work on accepting them for who they are, even if they don't want to see you. My dad left when I was 9, and I only saw him once when I was 13, and that was it until he died when I was 23. We would talk every few months when I was a teenager until he found out that I got pregnant at 19 (by my now husband). He screamed at me and at my mom and told her that he never wanted to speak to me again. *shrug* You can't change people. I wrote letters to him, sent him pictures, tried to keep in touch. I left it all in his hands and I did the best that I could.
Quoting hp2011:See, that breaks my heart.
I know who he used to be... but since he's gone nuts... it's like I just don't know what to do.
Quoting rockinmomto2:I have a lot of regret. I knew my dad was ill, but I didn't realize HOW ill he was. However, we didn't have a relationship because he didn't want one. It was just that simple. I tried, he didn't want it, and that was it. My father was physically and mentally ill, and I couldn't change who he was. He was my dad and I loved him dearly, albeit from a distance. Not forcing myself and my family on him is one regret that I have. I wish I had seen him one more time and I wish my kids had been able to meet him. But what's done is done.
That's kinda how my father is too. He has been in/out of my life for 8 years... but more out than in. It's like he'll come around just to tease me, then disappear again.
I don't get it.
Quoting countrymom0707:
I go through this regularly, I often look up the obituary's in his town to see if I am missing anything.. My story is a little different, I tried everything I could to be in his life, but when it came to him wanting to walk in and out of my DD life like he did my whole life, that was the end of the relationship... I have even tried to give him another chance and he didnt want a relationship so I walked away!!
I am a mother since May 1st of 2008 to Isaiah
And since January 4th, 2012 to Kelly
And a SAHM since October of 2011
If were someone's girlfriend & I heard them say that about their child, then I'd not only leave right then & there but I'd call the police. Seriously. You don't joke about shooting someone AFTER getting a gun & putting it on your person. How horrible.
I'm sorry that your dad is behaving like a child instead of the parent that he is. (From what you've said.)
Like an OP, I knew my mom was sick but had no idea HOW sick she was. Why would I? She came to me when my oldest was 6 months old & said that she only had 6 months to live so my daughter needed to come spend live with my mom (while she was dying, apparently). That was the first of several times in the next decade that she was "almost dead" or only had "so many months" to live. Nevermind the decade before that when she was "deathly" ill, but was perfectly fine.
How was I supposed to know that she really meant it this time? I would be mad at those who saw her regularly for not telling me that it really WAS serious this time except that we all had the same thought. "Eh. Whatever. It's just another one of her attempts to manipulate us into doing what she wants because she's 'dying'. No reason to believe her this time any more than the others." Except one brother & I are in the medical field. We SHOULD have known. We should have looked at her & known. We should have. But when you live with someone who has been "deathly ill" for 20 years, you just become numb.
When she died, I wondered what I could have done. What I would have done differently. I would like to sit here & tell you that I would have done everything differently, but the truth is that I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have opened myself, my husband, & my children up to the stress that comes from allowing someone to constantly lie to you & attempt to manipulate you. SHE wouldn't have been different so I know I wouldn't have been. Believe me, I have run this over & over in my head...and distancing myself would have still happened.
You cannot change how someone ELSE behaves. All you can do is let them know that you love them, but that you cannot and will not be treated that way. I honestly would be a bit frightened to be around your dad with the threat he made about the gun. It sounds like he probably shouldn't have a gun and could be dangerous.
I'm sorry, Mama.
When I was 14, after being raped by three older boys and losing my virginity, I was not in a good place mentally. I took his truck joyriding for a few hours.
Spent a year in juvie, after violating probo for running away from my abusive step-father...after reporting step-father to CPS 3 times, they did nothing, so I left.
Quoting atyou:
What happened that made him distrust you?
I am a mother since May 1st of 2008 to Isaiah
And since January 4th, 2012 to Kelly
And a SAHM since October of 2011
Is it just me, or... ?
- hp2011
on Mar. 15, 2012 at 1:02 PM