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I'm sick of people staring at my DS when we are out in public...

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Today my DS and I were in a very crowded candy store and DS was was getting over-stimulated by all of the noise and people so he was being loud and making noises. This one woman in particular was looking at him with utter disgust. I can't stand ignorant people. I wanted to tell her that he is autistic, but I am sick of having to explain my child to people. My son is not a "bad kid" and yes I do disapline him, he is not doing it to be troublesome. What am I supposed to do? Never take him out? He deserves to go out just like any other "typical" child. Does this ever happen to you with your children when you're out?

Autism Is Everywhere        




 




 




 




                          

by on Apr. 6, 2012 at 9:54 PM
Replies (271-280):
Liyoness
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 1:40 AM
Get the cards from ACT which say, 'my child has autism' and hand them out if you truly want to explain.
Honestly, though, ignore it. What's the point in noticing or getting upset over looks?
It happens when I'm out with clients, and I just walk happily with my little guys. Occasionally I can feel the glances, (I really don't pay attention to others when I'm out. I have my own business to worry about) but I ignore them. If they care enough, they'll approach me and I can deal with it then.
There's nothing to be ashamed of.
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stockuponlove
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 1:44 AM
Oh she must be one those mothers that says " my child(ren) never acted that way. Uh huh

I once had a woman say this to another woman about my daughter when she was 2. We were leaving olive garden and she was throwin a fit over something. When I heard this woman say this I was pissed. I spun around and said " oh then you must have never raised your children, for all kids "act like that" at some point.". She was shocked and I left. I hate people like that.
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Liyoness
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 1:45 AM
1 mom liked this
It isn't undue stress. The child HAS to learn how to deal with these things. There will always be errands to run, and eventually that child will grow up and have to run those errands himself.


Quoting anotherhalf:

Of course the child has a right to be there, but isn't it placing undue stress on a child to bring him/her there knowing that the child is easily overstimulated?



Quoting melissaoliver79:

because they deserve to be there as much as you do.. they are human just like you...



Quoting mjande4:

I think that you did a great job of explaining the situation to your husband, however, I question why a parent of a child who they KNOW could react negatively to over-stimulation, would EVER take that child to WALMART!?



Quoting .Pagan.:

some people are unaware of what autistic children do when over stimulated. my family has none and neither does myhusband's side so i dont think it is natural for them to to just know. the other day we were in walmart grocery shopping and a child was being very load making noises that were a certain pitch and sounded odd. my husband looked at me and said ' wth just take the kid outside if he is going to throw that big of a fit' i said to him ' oh he is most likely autistic and getting a bit overwhelmed is all'. to others who dont know anything abt it it does look like a misbehavingchild and a parent ignoring the problem. i know that doesn't help you any and i understand your reasons to be frustrated but also too not everyone has experience with autism to even know what it looks or soundslike. we cant expect everyone everywhere to just know abt disorders.




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Liyoness
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 1:58 AM
Indeed, what the fuck do you know?
I am a behavioural interventionist specializing in autism spectrum disorder - I know that repeated exposure is necessary. Children grow up to become adults who need to buy groceries, new shoes, and walk to work.
There are things that can be done to lessen stimulation, but you cannot avoid it altogether. Some of those strategies might include stimming, by the way.


Quoting momdoes:

And again, I am not saying to keep him in a fucking house!!!!!!!!!!! Keep him locked away!! I am saying that this therapy of stressing them, causing them pain, (and yes, sometimes exposing an autistic person to overstimulation causes PAIN) is for the birds!!!!!!! some things might be able to be overcomed but some will not and in my experience, repeated exposure to crowds does not make the stimulation go away, it only makes it worse. But what the fuck do I know?


Quoting OceanGoddess:

We take my son to places like tht to help him with his overstimulation and tech him how to calm his body. It is part of his therapy. I'm not going to keep him in the house his whole life.


Quoting momdoes:


You will probably hate me and what I am about to say but here goes. Dont want people starring at your child? Then do not make him out to be stared at!



As his mother, you should know most of what gets him stimulated as an autistic person, what areas to avoid and where he can go safely and be enjoyed time by all. He is not your "typical" child. he is an autistic person who has needs and they are not being met by going somewhere he is obviously not comfortable with.



Not too long ago, we went to a mall. There are plenty of autistic peopel who can handle the mall scene but some who can not. It is too much sensory fro them. There was a man leading another out of the mall with the poor thing screaming and doing his own claming himself down noise, but that man couldnt get him out of there fast enough! I was instantly pissed because when the descision to go to mall was made it was made probably knowing the child could not handle the scene. When I told my dh it pissed me off, his words were of that of well, the parents can not stay away form places they like. No, and they dont have to. But why drag another who doesnt want to go? My aunt never stiffled herself or kept herself from scenes she enjoyed that she knew would overstimulate her son. SHE KEPT HIM FROM THEM. She found alternatives for HIM.




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MmmLissa
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 2:04 AM
1 mom liked this

I second this: If your child can not handle these types of environments, don't bring him to them. It is not fair to subject others to his noisy fits. If I take my children out in public and they behaved in a way that would disturb others, I would leave. It is common courtesy for others around you. People deserve to enjoy their experiences to without having to listen to your childs fits.

Quoting tennisgal:

Well if you want to take him out like any other "typical" kid then "typical" kid behavior is expected and when it's not recieved, you can expect some surprise from passers-by.

 


lovesal
by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2012 at 8:21 AM


Quoting MmmLissa:

I second this: If your child can not handle these types of environments, don't bring him to them. It is not fair to subject others to his noisy fits. If I take my children out in public and they behaved in a way that would disturb others, I would leave. It is common courtesy for others around you. People deserve to enjoy their experiences to without having to listen to your childs fits.

Quoting tennisgal:

Well if you want to take him out like any other "typical" kid then "typical" kid behavior is expected and when it's not recieved, you can expect some surprise from passers-by.

 

 

Ummmmm, ya okay...where in this post did I once mention that my son was having a "noisy fit"??? And I am so happy for you that your children are so well behaved, wonderful...I am sure they have never even raised their voice, cried, or got upset in public...are they even human? Or better yet, are you??

Autism Is Everywhere        




 




 




 




                          

CrusherMama86
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 8:23 AM
Happens a lot. People are stupid. I don't let strangers bother me. But DH's family is annoying as hell. They think DS is just spoiled and acts like they could straighten him up hahahahaha
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CrusherMama86
by on Apr. 17, 2012 at 8:29 AM
For anyone saying "why take your child when you know he'll have a fit?"....you don't know what you're talking about. These children should not be kept at home, avoiding anything that over stimulates them. They need to be exposed to these scenarios so they can learn appropriate coping techniques. Anyone who has an autistic child knows it takes repeated exposure to teach anything. Anyone who does not have an autistic child shouldn't be giving advice on something they know nothing about. I don't care if you know someone who has it or your cousin does. Until it happens to YOUR child then you don't KNOW.
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MmmLissa
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 6:17 PM

I didn't say my children don't misbehave, that would be ridiculous. What I said was, if they start acting in a manner that bothers or disturbs the general public around them, I would leave with them.

And yes, you did say your son "was being loud and making noises" This is disturbing to others who want to enjoy their experience as well. Who are you to bring your disruptive child into a public place, disturb everyone around you and then complain that they gave you a dirty look???

 

lovesal
by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2012 at 10:22 PM


Quoting MmmLissa:

 Who are you to bring your disruptive child into a public place, disturb everyone around you and then complain that they gave you a dirty look???

 

I can bring my child anywhere I want, anytime I want and I can also complain about ignorant individuals like yourself anywhere I want, whenever I want...

Autism Is Everywhere        




 




 




 




                          

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