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The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club
I realized something the other day. So many times when we give advice on this site we do so without having experienced something similar. And sometimes we negatively judge the person because we can't understand why they won't follow our advice. So after telling people who are married and their spouse cheats on them to leave them because that is what I would do; I found myself in that situation. And I realized it is not just that easy. My husband is/was having an emotional affair. Now here I am trying to win my husband back. It is not an easy feat at all but something I have chosen to do. But by doing this I know that if this doesn't work and my marriage ends I can leave it knowing I did all I could and won't leave wondering what I could have done to change things. Also anyone out there who thinks this will never happen to them beware. No matter how well you think you know someone people are constantly growing and changing. I have been married 5 years. I never, ever thought I would find myself at this point because I thought he believed like I do that marriage is for life and divorce is not an option. Don't fool yourself. Whenever you are dealing with another person you can not control them whether they be your significant other or your child. So before you tell someone else that you would never have to deal with what they are going through because your significant other or child would never act like or do something like that stop and think and realize that it could very possibly happen to you. Nothing involving another person is guarenteed.

P.S. Just out of curiosity would you be able to forgive your significant other if they had an emotional affair?

Update: I watched the movie Fireproof (Christian movie about marriage) with my husband tonight and our marriage is back on. He has chosen to break it off with this woman. So miracles do happen. Hopefully we can completely heal and move past this and it will never happen again. Just wanted to share.
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by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 12:28 PM
Replies (31-40):
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 12:54 PM
Every person's situation is different. I've seen couples work past cheating and build back trust and become stronger than ever. I've also seen affairs that were so destructive to a replationship that there was no amount of work to rebuild what was broken. Husband has not cheated, but he's been cheated on in past relationships and he knows the pain affairs cause. I've been cheated on as well, and I certainly wouldn't do that to someone I love.

I would also not presume to know what another person should do without knowing them very well. I can say what *I* would do based on my own experiences, but I don't consider that advice, just sharing those experiences. If it doesn't apply to your situation I am not offended.
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by Samantha on Apr. 7, 2012 at 12:55 PM

Quoting sabbycat69:

I commend u for trying to make things work. Sometimes the easiest thing to do is to leave the situation but it takes strength to try and make it work

by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 12:57 PM
I agree with what you wrote. It's possible to forgive if you and him give it 100%. You must be able to put it behind you and try to work on your marriage. Good luck.
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by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 12:58 PM

I can't really say since I've never been in that situation. Best of luck for whatever you decide to do. 

by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 12:59 PM
I saw this show on OWN called Unfaithful: stories of betrayal, and.its.a real eye opener. It.shows true stories of cheating spouses but.have actually worked out their marriages. One episode where.a couple divorced but worked things out and remarried :) Some episodes I just wonder WHY the hell they stayed the repeat cheaters or having a lovers baby. But hey, that's dedication to.their vows right there.
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by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 1:00 PM
Would you mind telling us more details of the emotional affair? Did you find out on your own or was he honest with you?
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by Gold Member on Apr. 7, 2012 at 1:00 PM
I forgave my dh, he spent almost 6 years torturing himself with the guilt. He felt that in order to continue in the marriage he had to be completely honest with me therefore he confessed. He had a one night stand. The night he told I got sick, we talked a lot, I figured there was no reason to punish our three kids for his one mistake, after all they were a part of it. We are now stronger and will be married for 10th years in Oct.
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by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 1:11 PM

for me i think i can forgive anyone about anything as long as YOU tell me. people are weak sometimes, people make mistakes, sometimes things are going on and maybe i acted alittle rougher then i should have & you got turned off from being open with me (which i work every hard to avoid bythe way)... i get it... but you haveto let me know whats going on.... if i have to find out myself or God forbid from someone else.. i dont think ill ever beable to get over it. So for me it depends on how i found out i suppose. i dont take liars. trust is everything so me (oh and for physical cheating, condoms would have needed to be used and you muat take a slew of std tests before we are ever intimate again).

The Ninety-Nine Percent Moms

by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 1:15 PM

an emotional affair? Like a close friend, that is a girl?? I wouldn't have to forgive that.......... Maybe I am misunderstanding though....

“If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed”.

-Albert Einstein

by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 1:15 PM
I asked him about someone he was texting (didn't read the texts). He told me it was a friend (warning bells). So I asked him who and he told me who she was. Then I asked if he was having an affair. He said not a physical one. She was an ex-coworker he had recently run into about a month ago. He did confess to taking our child to see her (big issue for me). He also confessed after he was asked whether he told her he loved her or not. He said he did tell her that. Since then he has not been to see her. He still has her number though in his phone. I assume he still texts her but I'm not sure because he erases the texts. All I can do now is love him and pray. I know that while having an affair was his choice there were issues he had with me that I have been working on so he can see I'm serious about working on this and if it doesn't work out then I know what to work on to help make myself better for me and for another relationship.

Quoting CrusherMama86:

Would you mind telling us more details of the emotional affair? Did you find out on your own or was he honest with you?
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