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The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club
I realized something the other day. So many times when we give advice on this site we do so without having experienced something similar. And sometimes we negatively judge the person because we can't understand why they won't follow our advice. So after telling people who are married and their spouse cheats on them to leave them because that is what I would do; I found myself in that situation. And I realized it is not just that easy. My husband is/was having an emotional affair. Now here I am trying to win my husband back. It is not an easy feat at all but something I have chosen to do. But by doing this I know that if this doesn't work and my marriage ends I can leave it knowing I did all I could and won't leave wondering what I could have done to change things. Also anyone out there who thinks this will never happen to them beware. No matter how well you think you know someone people are constantly growing and changing. I have been married 5 years. I never, ever thought I would find myself at this point because I thought he believed like I do that marriage is for life and divorce is not an option. Don't fool yourself. Whenever you are dealing with another person you can not control them whether they be your significant other or your child. So before you tell someone else that you would never have to deal with what they are going through because your significant other or child would never act like or do something like that stop and think and realize that it could very possibly happen to you. Nothing involving another person is guarenteed.

P.S. Just out of curiosity would you be able to forgive your significant other if they had an emotional affair?

Update: I watched the movie Fireproof (Christian movie about marriage) with my husband tonight and our marriage is back on. He has chosen to break it off with this woman. So miracles do happen. Hopefully we can completely heal and move past this and it will never happen again. Just wanted to share.
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by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 12:28 PM
Replies (51-60):
Young_Mommy89
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I stayed...it was really hard in the beginning & there are still problems that creep up on me but he has changed so much. He was the type to say "who's on my fb is none of your business & I won't delete them" he deleted who he cheated with when I told him it didn't matter if he wasn't talking to her anymore it was still disrespectful for her to be on there.

He is VERY different towards me. Very affectionate whereas before he wasn't. I wake up every morning in his arms, he kisses me constantly, tells me he loves me multiple times a day, hugs on me. This is a man who didn't like to kiss, hated being against each other, said "I don't have to say I love you for you to know it". If he upsets me he apologizes & let's me know it wasn't me he was mad about.

Idk its very hard to explain to someone who wasn't exclusively in our lives seeing how it was before...he's amazing now. He's very good about telling me he is proud of me & appreciates what I do
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kansasmom1978
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:08 PM

I think I would but it would take time and he would have to stop the affair.

Young_Mommy89
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:10 PM
1 mom liked this
I was also very early in my pregnancy when SO cheated. He's realized he wants to make a family & have me, dd, & our son in his life exclusively. He also realized his ex was a whore who just wanted dick until she could find someone to financially take care of her & that bcuz at the time he had no job, he was nothing to her.

Quoting heyma4:

Early in our marriage, when I was pregnant with one of my children, my DH almost cheated. We were very young, and there was a friend that was always at our home. he hit on her a few times, and even wrote a letter to her on our computer and gave it to her. Of course I found out, and packed up the kids and all my things to leave him. He was gone at the time at his dads house up the road, but one of his friends told him that I had found out and I was leaving. I guess it never occurred to him that that would happen. He raced home so fast he crashed through some fencing on our property and begged me not to leave. It took a long time, a lot of tears and long talks, but we got through it. I did tell him that there would be no second chance, he was so afraid of losing me and our babies at that time, he realized what was important to him. That was 16 years ago, and our marriage is still going strong. I can trust him now, but it took awhile for him to earn that trust back. I think in some situations it's probably not worth the effort, and I don't say that lightly when it comes to marriage, but in others it is worth the work.

Good luck to you, I hope things work out for the best.

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samurai_chica
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:13 PM
1 mom liked this

Love your avatar. Samurai Champloo is by far my favorite anime series.

Quoting sandra_t00:

we aren't married and have gone through cheating, emotional and physical. Once we get married, no more trying


Young_Mommy89
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:14 PM
When I found out I cried all night & puked so much I literally lost 3lbs in one night. Its a horrible thing.

I'm glad y'all worked things out. Ppl don't understand that sometimes ppl make a HUGE mistake & never do it again. Its not always so black & white


Quoting rmfanfgljf:

I forgave my dh, he spent almost 6 years torturing himself with the guilt. He felt that in order to continue in the marriage he had to be completely honest with me therefore he confessed. He had a one night stand. The night he told I got sick, we talked a lot, I figured there was no reason to punish our three kids for his one mistake, after all they were a part of it. We are now stronger and will be married for 10th years in Oct.
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Donna.June
by Silver Member on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:15 PM
Hell no. Cheating of any kind, I will not let slide. He cheats, he leaves.
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LizzieAnnesMom
by ☆Mrs.Winchester☆ on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:17 PM
2 moms liked this
Maybe. But I sure as hell wouldnt try to win him back. I would make him work his ass of to EARN my forgiveness.
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A.J.s_mommy
by Ruby Member on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:19 PM
I don't think I could. I would be broken, and I know myself enough to know I couldn't let it go.
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-KC-
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:20 PM
My ex cheated..Gave him too many chances. Shouldve left him on the spot. So I learn from experience. No more second chances.Each to its own...but I wouldnt try to get him back.
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HisBrwnEyedBaby
by on Apr. 7, 2012 at 2:21 PM
I'm so sorry hun. It's hard but you do what you feel is best for you guys. I hope it works out for the best.

This is a touchy subject because I have been there, listened and believed the lies, etc.

Hugs to you hun!
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