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at a cross roads, and i don't know what the right path to take is.

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i am just.....what do i do? leave? of course i am going to leave, but now dh is begging me not to leave him, and promising we can move asap.

being alone with the kids will not only be hard, but it will hurt my kids more than anyone else.

i am just so lost.

i swear to god, i am not a bad person, i take care of our home, and kids, and work my ass off to help pay bills. i don't go looking for a fight with the inlaws, and have never treated them with the disrespect they show me.

me and dh have had our issues. but we also love each other. and i hate giving up on something we have worked so hard on.

things were going so well, it WAS getting better....and then this.

i am just so confused as to what the right move will be.

i know i have to get off this land.  do i stick it out with him and deal with these hateful people for the rest of my life?

or take the hard road, which will cause my children pain and confusion, and leave and try to make a life for us on my own?


by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 12:36 PM
Replies (11-20):
Mrs.VanDeKamp
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 12:59 PM

of course it will hurt. but i am stronger than them, and i can handle the pain of a failed marriage. i can turn off my emotions and deal with it. butmy kids can't.

Quoting Apollos82:

Will it hurt you to leave your husband? Emotionally, I mean. You say it will be hard on the kids, and it will--but will it be hard for you, too?


randomosityblog
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 1:00 PM

I wouldn't give up on him just yet if you think there's something left there - but I don't know the details so maybe you should. I just know how awful in-laws can be. 

Quoting Mrs.VanDeKamp:

he was looking at rentals this morning, in the area of $1,500 and up. ridiculous. we can't afford that. it is cheaper to buy a house and pay a mortgage. i told him that if we bought a house, and he didn't follow through on his promise to do couples counceling, or if he was an asshole, i would simply kick him out and take over the mortgage.

i hate to be a quitter. i hate to let them win. we have our issues, but it WAS getting better before this happened.

Quoting randomosityblog:

Your DH needs to follow through with his promise to move you guys away. Give him a few months. In the mean time, plan for leaving him in case it has to happen. The RIGHT path is never the easy one.



Mrs.VanDeKamp
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 1:02 PM

thing is, we rarely fight. and when we are mad at each other, is a quiet anger, and quickly dissolved. i have a very hard time staying angry with him, and he HAS gotten better. his family has gotten worse though :( he says we can move he will buy a house or we can rent, he just doesn't want me to go without him. and while one side of me says "fuck them all" the other side doesn't want to let his asshole family win.

Quoting ermka:

Take a deep breath!!!

What's going to be worse for your kids? Living in an environment where their mom is miserable & their father isn't doing anything but making empty promises? Or getting used to a new normal where dad's still in their lives, not every day, but knowing that mommy is happy? Kids can sense this stuff, rather they actually witness the bs or not? It's.not good for them to be in such an unstable, indecisive environment either.

You need to sit down, weigh all of your pros and cons (I know it sounds cliche, but it works) make a decision & stick with it. Of course! Whatever decision you make you're going to wonder what if. But, if you make the decision based solely off of intellect, instead of emotionally, then you'll feel better about it in the long run.

I completely understand that you love him & he probably loves you too. But you need to put your foot down eventually. No one expects the decisions to be easy. But they're decisions that need to be made. The back and.forth isn't doing anything but making it a lot harder than it needs to be. *hugs*


Mrs.VanDeKamp
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 1:08 PM
1 mom liked this

stfu dude. the choice to break up a family is not one that should be made lightly. this isn't just about me and how i feel, this is about my kids too. and i do not relish the idea of causing them pain and heartache. smh.

Quoting Vicious_fairy:

.......


Everyday.....




Just leave already


Vicious_fairy
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 1:12 PM
And you think with an unhappy relationship your kids are gonna be happy?
You think they aren't gonna know?

Your destroying them in the process.



Quoting Mrs.VanDeKamp:

stfu dude. the choice to break up a family is not one that should be made lightly. this isn't just about me and how i feel, this is about my kids too. and i do not relish the idea of causing them pain and heartache. smh.

Quoting Vicious_fairy:

.......





Everyday.....









Just leave already


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Mrs.VanDeKamp
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 1:22 PM
Quoting Vicious_fairy:





No relationship is without fault. We dont fight, it is not a volitile environment for them. the only time i get really upset is when i leave a clean house when i go to work and return to a disaster.
maddismum89
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 1:24 PM

no dnt leave i know better than any1 inlaws r a pain in the behind nd corse problems but they really dnt last that lng ur relationship sounds strong enough to get throu it jus do what i do just concentrate on u ur children and ur man ul c a way through trust me :) x

happymommy1105
by Platinum Member on Apr. 14, 2012 at 1:25 PM
Honestly I have read all of these. It's been a week.

You have expected everything to change over night. It's not.going to go.

You have to give it time to change. You have to give it the opportunity to change.

Find a house, let the paperwork go through and move together as a family. In the meantime, seek counseling and try to move forward.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
christyg
by on Apr. 14, 2012 at 1:28 PM

You said "now this...." So what happened?

sweetnsassymami
by Diabla on Apr. 14, 2012 at 1:33 PM
Can you link your other post about this? I'm on mobile and can't search it andI dont know the back story.
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