at a cross roads, and i don't know what the right path to take is.

[Mrs.VanDeKamp]

i am just.....what do i do? leave? of course i am going to leave, but now dh is begging me not to leave him, and promising we can move asap.

being alone with the kids will not only be hard, but it will hurt my kids more than anyone else.

i am just so lost.

i swear to god, i am not a bad person, i take care of our home, and kids, and work my ass off to help pay bills. i don't go looking for a fight with the inlaws, and have never treated them with the disrespect they show me.

me and dh have had our issues. but we also love each other. and i hate giving up on something we have worked so hard on.

things were going so well, it WAS getting better....and then this.

i am just so confused as to what the right move will be.

i know i have to get off this land.  do i stick it out with him and deal with these hateful people for the rest of my life?

or take the hard road, which will cause my children pain and confusion, and leave and try to make a life for us on my own?

[ermka]

But. YOU'RE STILL MISERABLE! Is he going to pull the same thing with a house or a rental that he did with the truck? You keep saying you can do it on your own. Then do it! If he chooses to come with you, then that's great, if not, then you know where you stand. Your relationship is right now based solely on how miserable you are living on his families property. Those people are toxic. It's not up to you rather they "win" or not. That's all on his shoulders. If he doesn't go with you, then yes they "won" but that's for him to live with. Not you. If he does go with you, then maybe they'll realize how toxic they are, maybe they won't. But you won't be living in a situation that is causing you to drive yourself nuts. You will be happier. Your kids will be happier. You can't take responsibility for his happiness, right now, that shouldn't be your priority.

I know it's all so much easier said than done. Making a decision to end your current way of life and create a new one is never easy.

A friend of mine called me today, bawling her eyes out. She just got out of a 3 year relationship. I was all geared up to tell her she.made the right decision & it would get better etc. When she stopped me. She said she was crying because foe the first time in 3 years she was happy, truly happy & she didn't know how to process it, or what to do with herself.

Do you want to continue to be miserable? No, no one does. But you need to figure out how to get past the indecision. The wondering if you'll be happier or if you'll be more miserable.

In the last 3 days I've seen you go from "I'm done, I'm out" to "we're working this out" to "I can't take it I'm leaving" back to "idk what to do" and all of that is normal. BUT! it's time. It's time to figure it out. Take a deep breath. Make a decision. Stick to it. Regardless of the promises & devotions of unending love he makes. Do it for you. Not for him, not for your kids (I know that their well being is important, but kids are resilient, they'll adjust and be okay, no matter what you decide) Do it for just you.

Quoting Mrs.VanDeKamp:

thing is, we rarely fight. and when we are mad at each other, is a quiet anger, and quickly dissolved. i have a very hard time staying angry with him, and he HAS gotten better. his family has gotten worse though :( he says we can move he will buy a house or we can rent, he just doesn't want me to go without him. and while one side of me says "fuck them all" the other side doesn't want to let his asshole family win.

Quoting ermka:

Take a deep breath!!!



What's going to be worse for your kids? Living in an environment where their mom is miserable & their father isn't doing anything but making empty promises? Or getting used to a new normal where dad's still in their lives, not every day, but knowing that mommy is happy? Kids can sense this stuff, rather they actually witness the bs or not? It's.not good for them to be in such an unstable, indecisive environment either.



You need to sit down, weigh all of your pros and cons (I know it sounds cliche, but it works) make a decision & stick with it. Of course! Whatever decision you make you're going to wonder what if. But, if you make the decision based solely off of intellect, instead of emotionally, then you'll feel better about it in the long run.



I completely understand that you love him & he probably loves you too. But you need to put your foot down eventually. No one expects the decisions to be easy. But they're decisions that need to be made. The back and.forth isn't doing anything but making it a lot harder than it needs to be. *hugs*

[Vicious_fairy]

You're obviously missing MY point

Quoting Mrs.VanDeKamp:

Quoting Vicious_fairy:

No relationship is without fault. We dont fight, it is not a volitile environment for them. the only time i get really upset is when i leave a clean house when i go to work and return to a disaster.

[Mrs.VanDeKamp]

http://www.cafemom.com/group/416/forums/read/16337148/why_cant_my_life_ever_just_be_SIMPLE_my_f_ing_god_UPDATE_another_update

Quoting sweetnsassymami:

Can you link your other post about this? I'm on mobile and can't search it andI dont know the back story.