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Need Marriage Help/Advice Please

Posted by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:59 PM
  • 50 Replies

I know this site can be the source of more drama than help sometimes, but I am hoping someone can point me in the direction of a good read or just some good advice.

DH and I have been sort of having a rough patch for quite some time.  I think it's "rougher" for me than him.  He doesn't seem to think that much is wrong, except for our sex life.  I think our sex life is messed up mostly because of our other problems.

So anyway , I am not interested in divorce (for the sake of my kids) unless the marriage started being a bigger stress on them than the divorce and daily loss of their father would be.   Th thought of divorce doesn't really make me sad for the loss of the relationship but moreso for the loss of (#1) my kids' relationship with their dad and me and (#2) my pride. 

DH is not a bad guy, maybe a little self-absorbed sometimes, and I think I am a pretty good wife and excellent mom.  We have just really lost touch with each other, and it is causing us to fight when it comes up.  I really just want a happy family and have been trying to get there, unsuccessfully, for quite some time.  I just don't know how to fix it. 

DH has asked me before if I still love him, and I don't feel that I do like I should, but when you are trying to fix your marriage, it seems really counterproductive to be that honest. 

Any advice (other than get divorced because that isn't what I want)?

by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 2:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MyLittlePwny
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:02 PM

What exactly are your problems?  You can't offer advice with nothing to go on.

lil_mama06
by Brian's Lil Vixen on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:09 PM

Not knowing the problems themselves my best advice is to go out on dates and reconnect...Even if it's just to a park. To TALK..Don't play the blame game, use I feel...I've been down this road with my dh..Went so far as to feel like I was kissing and having sex with my brother...But we BOTH wanted to fix what was wrong. I don't think we would of if we both didn't want it. Sometimes having kids your relationship as a couple suffers...I feel you need to protect that relationship...I have 6 daughters and my eldest is living in another state and getting married in October, my second eldest is graduating high school this year..Then I have a 15, almost 13,9 and 5 year old. They will all eventually grow up and leave...That's why I feel the way I do. Good luck hon...HUGS HUGS HUGS

creationary
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:10 PM

Nothing major.  We just have very little quality time together.  It just feels like we are roommates.  He has a tendency to voice every little thing that bothers him, no matter how small, and I feel like he needs to choose his battles since he always seems negative.  I feel like his negativity is wearing me down and rubbing off on me.  I don't expect anyone to be able to give any major advice without knowing who we are and how we are as a family, but I guess I am just looking more for good reads or some kind of inspiration. 

Quoting MyLittlePwny:

What exactly are your problems?  You can't offer advice with nothing to go on.


JulyBabies
by Platinum Member on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:11 PM

Don't underestimate the power of alone time. My husband and I got into a rut, it was all work and family all of the time and our relationship suffered because of it.  We don't have much family nearby to watch our kids on a regular basis but made a point to have alone time much more often (we actually joined a gym that had day care, romantic huh?). The extra two or three hours a week made such a difference for us.

Granted, if you have huge trust issues etc. that won't solve it but if you have just disconnected, it may help.

quebecer
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:12 PM

If he's complaining about sex, try having sex with him really frequently for two weeks or so. Jump-his-bones, porno sex. Then gauge the results. See if he becomes more attentive. 

Tannaris
by Gold Member on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:16 PM
3 moms liked this
You need a date night. Once a week. Reconnect with each other.

I'm happy to see someone who wants to fight for their marriage and family and not just take the easy way out. Good for you and good luck!
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kansasmom1978
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:17 PM

You need to make time for each other.  You have to!  You need to sit down and talk, not fight. Be honest with each other.  And be willing to accept what the other says.

Rhiannon1980
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:18 PM
I can't help. If the marriage is not happy and healthy it does more damage than a divorce IMO
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quebecer
by on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:20 PM

But what she's describing is actually really common and it can be overcome. 

Quoting Rhiannon1980:

I can't help. If the marriage is not happy and healthy it does more damage than a divorce IMO


Tannaris
by Gold Member on Apr. 19, 2012 at 3:26 PM
So just toss it aside and don't even try?SMH. Sad :(



Quoting Rhiannon1980:

I can't help. If the marriage is not happy and healthy it does more damage than a divorce IMO
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