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am i being in considerate here? please tell me honestly UPDATE WE TALKED ...IT DIDNT GO WELL..Another update

Posted by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 9:31 PM
  • 197 Replies

my best friend is getting married  january. i am in her wedding and she lives in another state.   df and i wanted to get married  on our anniversary  which was january 7th but being  thats the  week she chose to get married  we decided  to  pick a different month. Df and i have been throwing ideas around and with my being in school  it would be easiest to get married when i was on winter break in december.

my bestfriend asked when our wedding was going to be and i said well df and i were talking about december if we can get   the church we want. she then says " you cannot get married in december!!" i asked why and she says " thats a month before MY wedding!"  am i being  inconsiderate here?  df and i are so excited to be able to   finally get married and now my best friend is telling me i cant do it when df and i want to.  hell she got to choose her day  and no one got say, if it didnt work for  them then oh well. now she wants me to plan  mine  x amount of time before or after hers??  maybe im being inconsiderate but i always feel like i have to   bend over backwards to make  everyone else happy and  my feelings never count. This day should be about me and df, not  the rest of the world and their liking. am i wrong here honestly???  ( we are both  in each others weddings by the way.)

Small edit. .... her and i live 5 states away from each other. we are not having ANY  of the same people  at our weddings.  my wedding in no way  hinders hers. the only inconvenience she would have is  getting to my wedding and spending a weekend  at most  out of town.  her and her df are financially  fine. his family has money and pays for their house and  their wedding. they claim to have no money, but she admits its because her and her df are very materialistic  and  live their lives accordingly.  i honestly feel like  im supposed to  bend and do whatever she wants, hell she wont even give me the title as MOH  because she claims its the MOH's job to pay for the bachelorette party and she wants a  a limo ride to the Poconos and a cabin for the weekend for her and all the girls, and know si cannot afford it so if she has her cousin   be MOH  or think shes MOH  then her aunt will pay for the bachelorette party.

UPdate:  well we talked and she bitched me out.  told me  shes been engaged for a year and  has paid $1000s of dollars  so she cant  move her wedding (i never asked her two) i told her  that if it was up to  us we would be getting married  january 7th  but  because her wedding is the 12th  i knew she wouldnt be able to make it. she then tells me   a month before her wedding is to busy for her and i cant have my wedding then,  she says shes having a bigger wedding  and has more details and  needs to  be  meeting with  florists ect. and   THAT  SHE WOULD MOVE HER WEDDING  FOR ME IF SHE COULD.   she then tells me  my aunt isnt happy about it either and  why am i inconveniencing everyone else for a time of year  i dont  definitely want ( i wanted may of this year  but my ex refused to sign when he heard  i was getting married    so i couldn't choose the day i wanted) she tells me  i should wait till next spring to get married and stop rushing into this...rushing into it really??? we have been together for 4 years, he has patiently waited for  my ex to  agree to this divorce so we can move on with our lives.  she said well  u guys are going to be together forever so why  cant you just wait?  then  changes everything and says if she thought this was a day  i really wanted  and saw myself getting married she would come down but she doesnt believe that  this is the wedding i want.  and that i need to stop and think.  she said she didnt want to take from my day either. at this point i  was in tears on the phone and said   this is a pointless conversation right now ( i didnt see it ending well  had i stayed on the phone being i was in tears and still am. i am so hurt that my best friend and my family are so against my wedding being in 8 months. why do i have to  be guilted into everything  and made to feel like shit for something i was so excited about... im about to say  fuck it and  me df and dd will  go have a private ceremony ( not what i really want )  and screw everyone else who  is so inconvenienced by my  wedding...

im sorry im having like i a break down my family has never been there and done everything to make me feel guilty and hearing that not only   my best friend but my family  as well  once again put everything  else and everyone else before me  just  kills me. i dont know why i wanted a stupid wedding  in the first place...crying


UPDATE AGAIN!......I  went wedding dress shopping with my soon to be mil.  after leaving and finding a dress i absolutely love   but wasn't sure because everyone else loved the other one better i sent my best friend the pictures for her opinion , she gave her input  and  all was going well till she started with the "are you still planning on getting married in December? because im telling you right now  if it is  i wont be able to make it. its a month before mine and i have a new job  i just cant take off  for my wedding and yours. ( shes a teacher ) .  i told her i was so sick of this crap and everyone having an issue im about to go elope. and she said  i need to decide what more important to me having my best friend at my wedding or having my wedding this December." she then told me i will break her heart if she cant  come, and that she doesn't understand why im rushing it. she shut up real quick when i reminded her df and i have been together for almost 5 years!  and have been wanting to for 3 but couldn't because of my ex! and thats shes  the one who got engaged after a year together and got pregnant just so he would marry her!( i left out the last  statement about getting pregnant but damn i wanted to remind her of that!!!) so i came home  to df cried that i have no  MOH and that my best friend is showing her true colors after over 12 years of friendship and i have now come to terms that she will not be at my wedding. i will get married when df and i want. apparently in her mind  df has no say in when we get married!! i have had it, i am hurt, and angry  and now have no moh and no brides maids  but thats fine! df  me and dd  are all i need to be present  some of his family will come and one or two of mine will come the rest can kiss my ass!!!! this day is supposed to be about me and df and dd  not  everyone else!!!

by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 9:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lovelyladybump
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 9:32 PM
Did you tell her why it's Decemer and not January?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
kansasmom1978
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 9:33 PM
3 moms liked this

Tell her that you want to get married on Jan 7th.  It's not her choice it's yours.  The fact you compromised to Dec is huge.  Get married when you want.

ejbljb
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 9:33 PM
4 moms liked this

She get's one day, not a month. You are not being inconsiderate. 

beerebelly
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 9:33 PM
1 mom liked this

 You can get married when ever you want! 

bmw29
by Buttcrackncornchips on Apr. 24, 2012 at 9:33 PM
Your friend is being weird. Do your thing. :)
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momdoes
by Platinum Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 9:33 PM

You are being inconsiderate. She planned first. If you werent close I wouldnt worry but given that youtwo will be in each others weddings, nope. Both at the same time like that will be STRESSFUL!!!!!!!! Let her have her day, it be all about her and then you have yours and its all about you!

Pink.Frosting
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I know I sound like a scrooge, but I'm so ready for Christmas to be over this year. Our poor tree is haggard looking from being attacked by cats. I just want it *down* and to have my living room back to *normal.* Bah Humbug...
Today at 12:35 PM
by Silver Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 9:34 PM

She has nothing to do with it.  She can deal.

jillbailey26
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 9:34 PM
4 moms liked this

I'd get married January 7th, when you originally planned.  THAT is your day.  She does not own December, January and February because she's getting married.


"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification"  Romans 14:19

tennisgal
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 9:34 PM

What does it matter to her? How does it make any difference to her??

beerebelly
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 9:35 PM

 And tell her you didn't pick Jan bc of her wedding and tell her why you need to get married when you are on school break.

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