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how do i get my 5 yo to stand up for himself ?

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:49 PM
  • 12 Replies
My 5 yo is having a few problems here in the neighborhood and at school.
He regularly tells me that other kids hit him and pinch him. He tells his teacher and they get in trouble but it doesn't stop it.
Yesterday, I saw a kid hit him and he barely reacted.
I also saw a kid about to take his bike and he kept saying no that is mine but he did nothing to stop the other kid. His little brother stepped in.
He will get frusterated and in turn, bullies his brother here at home.

Me and his teacher are at a loss for what else we can do to make him stick up for himself.
His little brother sticks up for him if he is around just for my oldest to take it out on him here at home.
He tells me or his teacher when something happens.
I tell him if someone hits him to tell an adult. If they hit him again to hit back. He says he might hurt someone.
Even the teacher says he makes himself an easy target for kids because a lot of times, he won't even speak up until he gets home and at this age, his teacher can't do a whole about it the next day.

How can I help him to stand up for himself and at the same time stop the cruelty toward his brother?
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by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:49 PM
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Replies (1-10):
frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:53 PM

I would enroll him in a self defense class for his age group so that he can learn safe ways to protect himself against others.  The instructors will usually teach not to use force unless very necessary.  I always taught DD that if someone hurts her she can defend herself with whatever she can, whether it be her hands, feet or backpack.  Luckily DD is well liked within her class and school.

Also talk to him about how we do not strike others in anger or frustration that he needs to come to you and use his words to express bad feelings.

quickbooksworm
by Silver Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:53 PM
Have you tried martial arts? Many times taking those classes give the kids the confidence they need to stick up for themselves. Knowing they are able to defend themselves is important.

My son wad picked on a little last year. Since he started karate it has changed his whole attitude. He's still my sweet, friendly boy but he is more assertive now.
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Elayna90
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:56 PM
I was thinking about self defense classes but I am also a little worried about him using those things to hurt his brother more. Since you ladies have experience in those, how likely do you think that is?
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ccnstanczak
by Save Humanity! on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:04 PM

wont hitting back just get him in trouble? if he cant get away or is cornered or thrown on the ground (shudders, then yes fight to get free)and get to an adult

im a little anoyed his teacher said that. she should be protecting him from this, not blaming him for not speaking up especially knowing that this is happening she should be keeping a close eye on it.

im a little worried that at one point he will fight back and will hurt someone, simply trying to defend himself, kwim?

hes so young. it seems by what you have written that in the moment he is intimidated by these kids and then delayed reaction takes it out on the little brother.

again, why is the teacher unable to do anything? that kind of baffles me. as a teacher are you supposed to handle this or alert the principle? bulling is a huge issue. most schools have a zero policy and severe punishment for bullying plus all the assemblies and so forth. what kind of punishment are these kids getting? are their parents being called?

i will tell my son it is NOT ok to touch someone elese and he dosnt  have to take it. speak up. they are doing it cause they are getting away with it. ugh. i hate bulllies.

im sorry mama, im sorta baffled.

 

 

ccnstanczak
by Save Humanity! on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:06 PM

  i like the idea of self defence class. it does build confidence and self control and the ability to defend oneself.

ccnstanczak
by Save Humanity! on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:08 PM

 

Quoting Elayna90:

I was thinking about self defense classes but I am also a little worried about him using those things to hurt his brother more. Since you ladies have experience in those, how likely do you think that is?

 have them take the class together!! i know from my experience, the teachers are very admant about family, respect, grades and good behavoir.

(i dabble in tai chi and i have my white belt woohoo)

Fields456
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:08 PM
1 mom liked this
Can u put him in a martial arts. I have heard that not only is it good for teaching them to defend themselves it also is a great way to build their self esteem
Elayna90
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:23 PM
Hitting back might get him in trouble but if he has already told someone and nothing is done, he has to do something.

He was pushed to the ground once and the teacher was there and the kids had to sit out at recess and she called me immediately.

His teacher is actually very good. She makes sure to always tell me when something has happened. She has done a movie day on bullying. She has had talks with the class and one on one with him. She reported it to his IEP team... she also keeps a close eye. He is mainly with her because he doesn't like the other kids because they are mean. But teachers don't catch everything. And if she doesn't see it and he doesn't tell her than she can't do anything.
The punishments these kids are getting are timeouts, no recess, no movie day, etc. She has sent general letters home. Together we have taken it to the office. The director wanted him to move classes but since it is a blended class that would mean moving schools. At this point in the year that would be detrimental to my son.

I am also worried he may just explode one day and yes, when he is angry, he can get violent.

It is a Headstart program and the closest place to us that has a blended class. Their rules are a bit different apparently.


Quoting ccnstanczak:

wont hitting back just get him in trouble? if he cant get away or is cornered or thrown on the ground (shudders, then yes fight to get free)and get to an adult


im a little anoyed his teacher said that. she should be protecting him from this, not blaming him for not speaking up especially knowing that this is happening she should be keeping a close eye on it.


im a little worried that at one point he will fight back and will hurt someone, simply trying to defend himself, kwim?


hes so young. it seems by what you have written that in the moment he is intimidated by these kids and then delayed reaction takes it out on the little brother.


again, why is the teacher unable to do anything? that kind of baffles me. as a teacher are you supposed to handle this or alert the principle? bulling is a huge issue. most schools have a zero policy and severe punishment for bullying plus all the assemblies and so forth. what kind of punishment are these kids getting? are their parents being called?


i will tell my son it is NOT ok to touch someone elese and he dosnt  have to take it. speak up. they are doing it cause they are getting away with it. ugh. i hate bulllies.


im sorry mama, im sorta baffled.


 


 

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JoshRachelsMAMA
by JRM on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:24 PM
Boxing.
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Elayna90
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:25 PM
I box so this might not be a bad idea. It will at least get rid of frusteration.

Quoting JoshRachelsMAMA:

Boxing.
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