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can a relationship make it without sex?

Posted by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:41 PM
  • 8 Replies

I was wondering if im being selfish, but Ive always been a very sexual person (with 1 partner I was never permiscious) when I met dh we were always doing it. As soon as my son who is now 5 was born, it seemed to slow down. But it was still there. After he was about 2 it was pretty much me wanting it and him only wanting it 2 times a week. For me that was bad. But I thought that it was normal to be with someone all the time and just want it that amount of times. I started to get depressed about it though. My LO is about 1 year, the year I got pregnant we NEVER had sex maybe 1 time every 2 months, i tried everything to get him in the mood, he always blew me off. i started to get angry and upset. He said he wanted another kid but it was like I had to force him to do it during ovulation. I thought maybe I was just being annoying and pressuring him because of the whole ovulation thing. but after my dd who is 1 was born, he still never wants it. I ended up getting very depressed and I have anxiety now badly (PPD). So for a few months I wasnt into it, I was just too depressed and he kept making comments about how he never gets it, and he has to do it himself, bla bla. but even when I try now, he doesnt want it. or hell say oh too bad I already did it myself..is this a game? i dont get it..ive already told him that I feel non attractive and lonely. and I feel like this is a stupid reason to leave someone because its being selfish??!! but I cant take it anymore! im not a cheater, and have no desire to cheat, but I feel hes being selfish emotionally. If im sick or need some sleep becaues the baby is up all night he doesnt help me there either. he never does anything romantic or makes me feel special. yes he fianancially supports us, but is that enough to keep a relationship going? Now I was prescribed zoloft for the anxiety attacks and slight depression because im going through PPD, but im wondering if its this relationship thats bringing me down too..yes in the past ive found emails hes written to girls this past august and from sept to dec of 2011 he was going out 1 time a weekend and not coming home to the next day, and since dec he hasnt gone out at all but the sex still isnt there. after all I put up with, regardless of the fact he stopped going out do i deserve to be neglected sexually too? am i overreacting? ive been with him for 7 years, and I feel really horrible and really scared to leave but im so depressed in this relationship ive tried talking to him he wont go to therepy with me, and he always makes comments he wants us to go back to normal with the sex and stuff but never does it, should I hang on? im 29 but feel 89 lol

by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:41 PM
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Replies (1-8):
GreenAndLean
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:46 PM
Are you sure he wasn't cheating? I mean the emails and then going out all night?

I feel similar to how you do but its not about sex its about him being selfish in other ways and me feeling like we are just 2 separate and different people now.

I am also 29 and its been 7 years for us and I am thinking a lot today about separation or possibly divorce. Its hard when it seems like they don't want to work at it anymore
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lilbit53009
by on May. 1, 2012 at 3:51 PM

he's cheating.

i say this from expirience. when i was pregnant it was the same way. the staying out all night is the kicker. after i confronted him tho about how he was obviously cheating, he suddenly wanted to have sex all the time. that was a cover. he thought i wouldn't suspect the cheating anymore if he started having sex all the time again.

it took months till i finally found out what was really going on...

sorry hun.

starreyedcutie
by Platinum Member on May. 1, 2012 at 3:52 PM
Not if you are feeling the way you are. It's obvious from what you say in your post that the lack of sex is causing you to be depressed. I don't think the relationship can make it if you are feeling this way and he is doing nothing to fix the issue :(
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mamapuffle
by on May. 1, 2012 at 4:06 PM

yes! even though he denies it, im pretty sure hes cheated in the past, he denies it, but it is obvious, even during the months he doesnt go out at all sex is still absent! Im thinking of moving to my moms in another state for the summer, but he keeps saying that im abondoning him, but honestly what is there to abondon? he works all day to 8pm i sit here alone with the kids all day and when he comes home we eat dinner together and watch a movie, but no sex, i dont think weve kissed in years, I miss KISSING!!! the passion!!! i just feel like I dont want to make a mistake because of sex, and break up our family, im hoping maybe this move will make him change his mind, or make me better understand why im staying here

Paperfishies
by on May. 1, 2012 at 4:07 PM

I would never be in a sexless relationship UNLESS my husband could not physically preform and meds wouldn't help. 

mamapuffle
by on May. 1, 2012 at 4:10 PM

Right if he was unable to preform due to an accident or medical reason id be ok with it, but i feel like hes being selfish, because there have been plenty of times that he wanted to and I didnt,but I did, what happened to wanting to please your woman mentally emotionally and physically?

SareyF
by Silver Member on May. 1, 2012 at 4:12 PM
It's not just sex, it's the connection you're missing and I can't blame you for feeling down about it and questioning your relationship. He should be as willing to work on it as you are and if not, then you know you're wasting your time.
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mamapuffle
by on May. 1, 2012 at 4:33 PM

thanks :)

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