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What to do? Long reading, please bare with me! (please no snarky responses, I seriously don't know what to do)

Posted by on May. 4, 2012 at 8:55 AM
  • 26 Replies


Okay ladies I need some thoughts and or advise from an "impartial" party!

Problem #1

My DH is 13 years older than me and retired. (he was 58 when he retired) When he retired we agreed I would continue to work to carry health benefits. 5 years ago we began having issues with E.D. He refused to see a doctor, so okay I accepted the fact that our sex life was over with. Last year he turned 62, started getting social security and went to the VA to obtain health benefits and finally asked about the E.D. He had a complete physical, was told he was healthy enough for sex and got the "little blue pill". Came home shaking the bottle in my face saying "I got your pills for you"!  One month later, I asked So when are we going to try those pills? His answer was "did you read the side effects? You're not worth going blind for or dying for". (I went in the next room and cried.) A week later, I get home from work and on the kitchen table is a package from the VA, more little blue pills! The seal on the first bottle has never been broken! I asked why he ordered another bottle when he never opened the first one, he said well they are free so why not? To this date he has ordered those pills every six weeks and REFUSES to use them, but he always shakes the package in my face when they come in and tells me "YOUR pills came in today"

Problem #2

4 years ago he lost almost our entire savings by playing at being a day trader in the stock market. When he started to lose money, I repeatedly asked him to stop, and of course the answer was no. He started using the margin he was allowed, made some really bad choices and our savings account went from 250+K to 15K in a matter of weeks. He refused to go back to work even part time, so we sold our home pocketing around 160K and began renting.  2 years ago, he started again with the stock market and yep, wiped out the savings again. Things got pretty tight for awhile, then his social security kicked in so now He pays the rent, I pay all utilities,car payments and insurance. 

Problem #3

DH has become a recluse. He has no friends, doesn't want any. Grumbles at me when I have to work OT, whining he never knows when to have dinner ready because he never knows when I'm coming home. I can't have friends or coworkers to the house, he gets pissy and makes everyone uncomfortable. Gets mad if someone calls me in the evenings, whining he's home all day by himself and when I get home all I want to do is talk to everyone but him. Lectures me about everything, he is acting like my father, not a husband. I want to leave him, but feel bad for him because he will truly be ALONE if I do. He has always been a good husband until the last few years, I am only 50 and tired of living like this with all the stress and no affection.

Any suggestions or comments would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks for "listening" ladies :-)



 


by on May. 4, 2012 at 8:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Billsbabygirl
by on May. 4, 2012 at 9:01 AM
1 mom liked this
Possibly I would go to his next drs appt. as people age things can affect their mind and change personalities. It might be something chemical that needs addressed. Good luck
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valkay
by Silver Member on May. 4, 2012 at 9:10 AM

 I would serious think is this the way I want to live..  I agree go with him to his drs appointment.

avonleafan
by on May. 4, 2012 at 9:10 AM

This. Especially if he wasn't like this before. Sounds like something has happened to change his personality.

Quoting Billsbabygirl:

Possibly I would go to his next drs appt. as people age things can affect their mind and change personalities. It might be something chemical that needs addressed. Good luck


terpmama
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2012 at 9:12 AM
1 mom liked this
I would definitely talk to his doc, marriage counseling too. Coul be depression, could be age related mental health issues. You vowed sickness and health, good times and bad.... This is one of those bad/sikness times.
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coolmommy2x
by Ruby Member on May. 4, 2012 at 9:14 AM
This. It also sounds like there some depression going on. I would definitely go to his next appointment and let the dr know he hasn't been taking the pills.

Quoting avonleafan:

This. Especially if he wasn't like this before. Sounds like something has happened to change his personality.


Quoting Billsbabygirl:

Possibly I would go to his next drs appt. as people age things can affect their mind and change personalities. It might be something chemical that needs addressed. Good luck


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Jan1007
by on May. 4, 2012 at 9:15 AM


Thanks ladies, I have repeatedly asked/told him I want to go with him to Dr. but he refuses. Says you can go but if I tell the Dr. I dont want you there he will make you leave. Sadly, with the "privacy laws" regarding health matters he is correct.

Billsbabygirl
by on May. 4, 2012 at 9:15 AM
Alzheimer's, hormones, chemical imbalances there are many possibilities. Often it's treatable. He's probably also irritated with himself for the way he's changing as you are younger and he things he's failing you. Counseling would be good. Talk about it.
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kmjmlj
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2012 at 9:17 AM
Agree with everyone else I couldn't live like that
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armywife0424
by on May. 4, 2012 at 9:19 AM
I would of left his ass when he started draining the savings. I don't think I could stay with someone who was that much older than me. Try marriage counseling. Good luck!!
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valkay
by Silver Member on May. 4, 2012 at 9:21 AM

 You are in a tough spot because he does not have to let you go in with him.  but ypu could give the Dr a heads up on what is going on. Also mine did the not letting me go in with him so the last time he went I just followed him in.  I knew he would not cause a sceen.  I also told him that I will be the one picking out your nursing home (if he ever needs one) so you better be nice to me.

 

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