If your partner smokes but you don't.. *EDITED

[Dollyrot]

How do you deal with it?

Please note this isn't a cigarette bashing post, it's an I can't take the emotional toll of my husband killing himself post.

Anyway, my husband is a smoker. We've been together four years, and it's been a rough road emotionally when it comes to his smoking. He's made promises to me, and to our sons, and to himself that he will try to quit. And at one point, he did, for quite a while. But then he was just like "eh, screw it" and started up again.

He and I are separating, but I still love him tremendously. And every time he goes out to smoke, it's like a punch in the gut. Every time I see a commercial about the damages cigarettes have caused, it's like a punch in the gut. Every time he sits outside and smokes ANOTHER one, right after putting one out.. you get the idea. And I just keep thinking of ten years down the road, when I have to sit next to a hospital bed and explain to my boys why daddy's there, why he made the choice to put himself there..

It's heartbreaking, and all he does is brush off the way I feel like it's no big deal.

*Edit* I had no idea that something this simple would still get people misunderstanding, so I'm going to try to clarify. I am not leaving my husband because he smokes. His smoking has nothing to do with our separation. I don't know HOW people are getting that from me saying that even though we're separating, I still love him, so it still hurts me to see him hurt himself. So please, stop telling me that I shouldn't be leaving him because he smokes. It's getting tiring. Also, I am not trying to change him, I am not telling him to quit, and I am not taking his smoking personally (I don't even know how I COULD take it personally). I am simply asking how you handle the emotional toll of knowing someone you love is hurting themselves. I'm having a hard time with it, and was seeking to hear from people in a similar boat. That's it.

[sweetykitty]

Setting a bad example for his child and helping his child die from second hand smoke. Good job dad. Good job mom by allowing it. Even smoking outside causes harm to the kid.I bet when the kid is older they'll be proud of you both.

[mamaelle88]

Mine has post traumatic stress :/ so he smokes as a way of dealing. It works, doesn't bother me because he smokes outside. Set some rules i do. He follows. I have where you have to smoke outside and no cigarette butts on the ground. I wouldn't leave someone because of smoking. There might be a underlying issue, like its an addiction, well a better one then something else. Like my brother, he was a drug addict, but now he smokes to feed his addiction to drugs. We rather him smoke then sticking another needle in his body.

Talk to your husband about what's really bugging

[mamaelle88]

Both my parents smoked, but i don't... i refuse to touch seeing i was grown up around it. Im still alive and have no issues as far as health.

How is smoking outside harm for a child?

Quoting sweetykitty:

Setting a bad example for his child and helping his child die from second hand smoke. Good job dad. Good job mom by allowing it. Even smoking outside causes harm to the kid.I bet when the kid is older they'll be proud of you both.

[MisfitInTN]

I deal with it. I knew hr was a smoker and know he wont quit

[Mackenzie40]

My DH smokes. Hes tried to stop many times. I certainly dont tale his smoking personal and I know that with every attempt to quit we get closer to him quitting. My job is to support him , not nag or guilt him. He knows what smoking can do just like I do.

Currently he's down to 4 a day and usong an electronic cig in between.

[CABZS]

We both smoked, I quit first.

I didn't make an issue of it. As much as I love him for me it is a matter of he has the right to do what he wants, he's a grown man.

[rmfanfgljf]

It is rough but you have to believe him. Also remember its an addiction. Yea he made promises but its not that easy or simple, some people can do it without meds, others aren't so lucky. I guess the only option you have is to turn your head, I know it hurts and I know its painful everytime he lights another one up, you feel like his promises are getting pushed farther and farther away. The only you can do is hope and maybe pray.

Quoting Dollyrot:

I would never take him away from my children or end our marriage because of it either..

And I never asked him to quit. Like I said in my post, HE made the promises.

I am simply asking how others handle the emotional toll, because I'm having a cery rough time of it.

Quoting FL2AK:

I don't make it an issue. I married him knowing he is a smoker so I have no right to tell him to quit. I had the choice to not be married to a smoker. My husband has tried to quit and he hasn't been able to. I just ask him to not tell me that he wants to try to quit. He smokes outside and is very respectable about not being around us when he smokes.



I would rather have 20 years of marriage with my husband and watch him die of cancer than not to have him as my husband. I would never take him away from the kids because he smokes or end our marriage because of it.

[Lisa2424]

Dh smokes, it's gross and I hate it. He's done worse than smoke cigarettes though. So I would rather deal with the cigarettes than any other option. He's tried to quit and was successful but stress and what not he started again. I just deal. Right now my biggest issue is he's been smoking in the bathroom. That's going to stop or I'm going to break all is cigarettes!!!

[EmilyMarshall]

We don't smoke

[Vicious_fairy]

I won't touch him til he showers & brushes his teeth lol
He's gone all day at work and doesn't smoke after he showers and Is home