Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

The CafeMom Newcomers Club The CafeMom Newcomers Club

Why do social people have such a hard time understanding the non social?

Posted by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:34 PM
  • 10 Replies
I am not a social person. It is difficult for me to make freinds and talk to people I don't know. My children and my husband are very social and I make an effort to make sure they get the social interaction they need. I go places I don't want to go, do things i don't want to do and all with a smile so my kids don't know I'm uncomfortable. For example, we do playdates every week, we go to every birthday party the kids are invited to, I chat with moms i have nothing in common with so the kids can be with their friends. It may not sound hard but for me it is.

I do draw the line at going and doing everything my in laws want to do. They are super social and constantly involved in some sort of activity. They want to take the kids places and us as well. And they constantly want to go out to eat with us, ALL of us. They want dh and I, all four of our kids, my parents and my 2 grandmas to come out with them every week. I just can't do it. Its too much. Dh works with his parents in the family business.

Yesterday they asked what he had planned for mothers day. He said he planned to take me out for a dinner just the two of us since we rarely get time alone. His mom said she wanted all of us to go out ( my parents and grandma's too) in the next town to a nicer restaurant than the ones they have here. I don't feel like dealing with a mass of family and mothers day crowds! I would love to just have a nice dinner I didn't cook with dh, even if we order in and watch a movie! Dh told his mom I wouldn't like her idea and she told him I never want to do anything. He told her it was hard on me and stressful. She told him " what's so hard about going out? We do it all the time!".

So now mil is all upset I don't want to do a big thing on mothers day. Dh is mad he can't just do something with just me and I'm miffed that I feel forced to either go out with them or have them over to our house and cook. FIL has dietary restrictions so we can't order in. Oh and my parents and grandparents are also not social so if we go out they aren't even coming! They are happy with a phone call. My inlaws think I am a little rude and a little lazy because I don't like to constantly go go go and socialize. So am I rude? I feel like they just don't understand.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:34 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
norahsmommy
by Platinum Member on May. 4, 2012 at 11:36 PM
Sooo long sorry!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
ColinsMommy99
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2012 at 11:37 PM
I'm the same way. I'm pretty shy with people I don't know and I feel like I don't really have anything interesting to say. My dh is constantly harassing me to meet our neighbors and become friends. I would love to, but I just can't break out of my shell and he thinks I'm being rude.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Elayna90
by Platinum Member on May. 4, 2012 at 11:38 PM
It is mothers day and your dh wants to treat you. His mom can just deal with it. It is suppossed to be about you not about you being miserable.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
incogneat-o
by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:38 PM
I think when something is naturally easy for someone, it's hard for them to understand how it's difficult for someone else.

If you don't want to go, don't go. Mil isn't the family social planner, is she? You are an adult capable of making your own decisions.
dusky_rose
by Sue on May. 4, 2012 at 11:41 PM

I understand where you are coming from. I am not a very social person either, but I go to get-togethers and stuff and smile even though I feel akward sometimes. I don't think its being selfish or rude to just want to do something special with just the two of you sometimes.


I'm thankful for a hubby that loves me, 4 healthy children, a warm
place to sleep and enough food for our meals... God bless America!

Pink.Frosting
by Silver Member on May. 4, 2012 at 11:41 PM

I'm like you OP.  It would be waaaaaay too much of a bother to do everything you just described.  You and hubby hold your ground and if his mom wants to be upset...well, ok.  She can just be upset.  Hate it for her, lol.

norahsmommy
by Platinum Member on May. 4, 2012 at 11:43 PM
She mopes and gets all upset. It ruins the work day every day until we figure out a solution. Mil is still all upset because I don't call her every day and do things with her 'like a daughter should'. I don't feel like I'm her daughter, I'm just married to her son. Does that make sense? She is upset because she thinks I don't love her. That is true, I don't love her. I like her very much, my inlaws are very nice loving people, but I don't love people I didn't grow up with ( with the exception of my kiddos of course).


Quoting incogneat-o:

I think when something is naturally easy for someone, it's hard for them to understand how it's difficult for someone else.



If you don't want to go, don't go. Mil isn't the family social planner, is she? You are an adult capable of making your own decisions.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Ollie123
by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:47 PM
I understand completely. Mothers day is going to be at my house and all the family will be coming and I am not looking forward to it. It gets so chaotic. But at the same time I know it is good for me to have everyone together. (though I kind of wish mothers day would just go away)
Cherish77
by Cherish on May. 4, 2012 at 11:48 PM
I'm shy to. It takes me awhile to warm up to people . I think my mil is annoyed that I go to more of my family gatherings. I do, because my parents are more willing to come pick me up, and at every one of mils parties, everybody plays Poker, which I have no interest in.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Sweets27
by on May. 4, 2012 at 11:53 PM
I understand how you feel. I would call mil and explain to her how it is that you feel. I would say thanks anyways and do your own thing .
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)