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Military mommas....i have a question

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My ex is in the national guard....I have recently pressed charges for domestic violence....what are the consequences for him? The only reason I ask is because his brother is TRYING to talk me out of going to court saying he will get kicked out the army....because its a felony and he wont be able to get a job.true or not true? Just curious.....thanks
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by on May. 6, 2012 at 9:05 PM
Replies (21-29):
happymommy1105
by Platinum Member on May. 6, 2012 at 9:35 PM
I like how you assume I didn't pressure charges.

Oh I did, I pressured charges in two states and I found a way to press charges against the cmc who did not help me.

I pressed charged against anybody and everybody I could find to.

I got away. I didn't think about money before I pressed charges. I didn't give a damn about anything except getting him the hell away from me. And getting him to stay the hell away from me.

I do, however, always think about the outcomes of all my actions. I do weigh the pros and cons of each situation.


Quoting roxy85:

Yes, it he's AGR he gets paid like he's active duty. And if you had pressed charges against your husband things could have been different. I got out and away from my ex. His command knew what was happening and when I saw they were doing nothing to help I took control myself. The difference between you and I is YOU would think about money before pressing charges. Maybe it was being raised by a single mom who received no child support, but I knew my kids would be fine no matter what happened to their dad's job. Nothing happened to him. He's still active duty.




Quoting happymommy1105:

I know lots of people who work for the national guard full time and make regular pay.





It's not about being money hungry. It's about looking at things from every angle.





And I say this as a survivor of domestic violence who was victimized by a service memeber while his command knew and did nothing to help me.






Quoting roxy85:

His check every month from the national guard is only a couple hundred bucks. They only wear a uniform one weekend a month. If we are being money hungry and worried about his conviction affecting his job it would be his civilian job to worry about since that's the only real income he would have to be concerned about.








Quoting happymommy1105:

Her child support maybe more than what she can get in govt assistance.









Medicaid may not pay for her child's medical treatments.










Quoting roxy85:

I would get on government assitance and let HIM deal with paying them back before I would worry about my abuser losing his job because I pressed charges. He can get some sort of a job even with a criminal record.












Quoting happymommy1105:

There are two sides to everything.













Okay fine, go with your attitude about the situation.













He gets kicked out, losses his job, loses his income. Now he can't pay child support.













Whose to say she isn't unemployed right now and counting on his child support?













Whose to say she isn't raising a sick child and counts on that child support to get her child to and from doctors appt?













For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction! She is wise to think of the consequences of her actions.














Quoting kmjmlj:

Who cares if he gets kicked out and not able to get a job. Why think of him he didn't while hurting you did he? Sorry I just don't like abusers or those that put up with it allowing it to happened again. May not be your case though



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roxy85
by on May. 6, 2012 at 9:38 PM
So why would you even dare to suggest she think about her child support before pressing charges?!? I can't think of enough cons to NOT press charges because you might lose some money that you could eventually lose anyway...


Quoting happymommy1105:

I like how you assume I didn't pressure charges.



Oh I did, I pressured charges in two states and I found a way to press charges against the cmc who did not help me.



I pressed charged against anybody and everybody I could find to.



I got away. I didn't think about money before I pressed charges. I didn't give a damn about anything except getting him the hell away from me. And getting him to stay the hell away from me.



I do, however, always think about the outcomes of all my actions. I do weigh the pros and cons of each situation.




Quoting roxy85:

Yes, it he's AGR he gets paid like he's active duty. And if you had pressed charges against your husband things could have been different. I got out and away from my ex. His command knew what was happening and when I saw they were doing nothing to help I took control myself. The difference between you and I is YOU would think about money before pressing charges. Maybe it was being raised by a single mom who received no child support, but I knew my kids would be fine no matter what happened to their dad's job. Nothing happened to him. He's still active duty.






Quoting happymommy1105:

I know lots of people who work for the national guard full time and make regular pay.







It's not about being money hungry. It's about looking at things from every angle.







And I say this as a survivor of domestic violence who was victimized by a service memeber while his command knew and did nothing to help me.








Quoting roxy85:

His check every month from the national guard is only a couple hundred bucks. They only wear a uniform one weekend a month. If we are being money hungry and worried about his conviction affecting his job it would be his civilian job to worry about since that's the only real income he would have to be concerned about.










Quoting happymommy1105:

Her child support maybe more than what she can get in govt assistance.











Medicaid may not pay for her child's medical treatments.












Quoting roxy85:

I would get on government assitance and let HIM deal with paying them back before I would worry about my abuser losing his job because I pressed charges. He can get some sort of a job even with a criminal record.














Quoting happymommy1105:

There are two sides to everything.















Okay fine, go with your attitude about the situation.















He gets kicked out, losses his job, loses his income. Now he can't pay child support.















Whose to say she isn't unemployed right now and counting on his child support?















Whose to say she isn't raising a sick child and counts on that child support to get her child to and from doctors appt?















For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction! She is wise to think of the consequences of her actions.
















Quoting kmjmlj:

Who cares if he gets kicked out and not able to get a job. Why think of him he didn't while hurting you did he? Sorry I just don't like abusers or those that put up with it allowing it to happened again. May not be your case though




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Liyoness
by on May. 6, 2012 at 9:43 PM

Not above, against.

If he is making a lot of money at his civilian job, I would definitely take that into consideration if he might lose it and be unable to become employed.

It would also depend on the extent of the abuse. If he drove away with my arm in the car, yep, I'd no doubt press charges. If he smacked me after I threw a plate at him, I might rethink my options. *Shrug*  But then, I'm not in the situation, or likely to ever be, so.....


Quoting roxy85:

That's exactly what it reads as when you said "I'd care if he it meant he would have no means of paying child support." It means you would weigh the value of his money above pressing charges. The money wouldnt even be what I would think about. When my then husband drove away with my arm in his car as I held our child I ididn't think about money or my health insurance or anything besides making sure his ass got caught and in trouble. Called the cops on him with no hesitation and he was active duty Army (still is). Her ex is in the national guard which means he only puts on a uniform one weekend a month. He brings home a couple hundred bucks a month from that. If we are worried about affecting his income it would be his civilian job to be concerned with...


Quoting Liyoness:

I didn't say that.


Quoting roxy85:

So getting money out of him that she could replace with her own job is more important than pressing charges again her abuser? I'm speaking as someone who gets child support from someone in the military...





Quoting Liyoness:




Quoting kmjmlj:

Who cares if he gets kicked out and not able to get a job. Why think of him he didn't while hurting you did he? Sorry I just don't like abusers or those that put up with it allowing it to happened again. May not be your case though

I'd care if it meant he would have no means of paying child support.






happymommy1105
by Platinum Member on May. 6, 2012 at 9:44 PM
Because none of us know the ins and outs of her situation.

And to suggest that there is only one answer for her is not so.

There was only one answer for me. There was only one answer for you.

But consisdering she is second guessing everything, there is clearly more to be thought about.


Quoting roxy85:

So why would you even dare to suggest she think about her child support before pressing charges?!? I can't think of enough cons to NOT press charges because you might lose some money that you could eventually lose anyway...




Quoting happymommy1105:

I like how you assume I didn't pressure charges.





Oh I did, I pressured charges in two states and I found a way to press charges against the cmc who did not help me.





I pressed charged against anybody and everybody I could find to.





I got away. I didn't think about money before I pressed charges. I didn't give a damn about anything except getting him the hell away from me. And getting him to stay the hell away from me.





I do, however, always think about the outcomes of all my actions. I do weigh the pros and cons of each situation.






Quoting roxy85:

Yes, it he's AGR he gets paid like he's active duty. And if you had pressed charges against your husband things could have been different. I got out and away from my ex. His command knew what was happening and when I saw they were doing nothing to help I took control myself. The difference between you and I is YOU would think about money before pressing charges. Maybe it was being raised by a single mom who received no child support, but I knew my kids would be fine no matter what happened to their dad's job. Nothing happened to him. He's still active duty.








Quoting happymommy1105:

I know lots of people who work for the national guard full time and make regular pay.









It's not about being money hungry. It's about looking at things from every angle.









And I say this as a survivor of domestic violence who was victimized by a service memeber while his command knew and did nothing to help me.










Quoting roxy85:

His check every month from the national guard is only a couple hundred bucks. They only wear a uniform one weekend a month. If we are being money hungry and worried about his conviction affecting his job it would be his civilian job to worry about since that's the only real income he would have to be concerned about.












Quoting happymommy1105:

Her child support maybe more than what she can get in govt assistance.













Medicaid may not pay for her child's medical treatments.














Quoting roxy85:

I would get on government assitance and let HIM deal with paying them back before I would worry about my abuser losing his job because I pressed charges. He can get some sort of a job even with a criminal record.
















Quoting happymommy1105:

There are two sides to everything.

















Okay fine, go with your attitude about the situation.

















He gets kicked out, losses his job, loses his income. Now he can't pay child support.

















Whose to say she isn't unemployed right now and counting on his child support?

















Whose to say she isn't raising a sick child and counts on that child support to get her child to and from doctors appt?

















For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction! She is wise to think of the consequences of her actions.


















Quoting kmjmlj:

Who cares if he gets kicked out and not able to get a job. Why think of him he didn't while hurting you did he? Sorry I just don't like abusers or those that put up with it allowing it to happened again. May not be your case though




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starreyedcutie
by Platinum Member on May. 6, 2012 at 10:11 PM
It's up to his command how they handle it...
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ditsyjo
by Gold Member on May. 6, 2012 at 10:13 PM

probably true. doesn't mean you shouldn't do it though. after all he brought any consquences on himself. It is you decison though.

lil_mom2010
by on May. 6, 2012 at 10:14 PM

He can get kicked out. It depends on how his change of command handles it!

Mrs.Brugger
by Tiara on May. 6, 2012 at 10:14 PM

i think with a domestic violence charge it makes them unable to use firearms which is important to military jobs and they wouldn't be able to do their job so they'd end up getting booted. something along those lines.

gregsgrl04
by on May. 6, 2012 at 10:47 PM
I know for a FACT he wouldnt be able to carry a weapon ever again
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