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am I being taken advantage of?

Posted by on May. 6, 2012 at 9:29 PM
  • 13 Replies
I need a vacation, seriously! This week has been super crazy. Monday my mother called me and asked to barrow my lawn mower. Said she couldn't get her's to stay started. I took over my mower to her house before my son got on the bus at 12:30 for school. Dh went over Tuesday night to pick up our mower and to fix my mom's mower. Within an hour he had it up and running. Thursday my mom calls and asks if I can watch my sister's 13 month old son while she took the other 2 kids up to my niece's school for her school play. I agreed because she really was laying the guilt on really thick and I felt bad. Well then Saturday she called me while I was out fishing with my kids asking if we could loan her $500 because she had a shut off for her electric and water that she couldn't afford to pay. The shut off was for that day. I felt bad. I couldn't let that get shut off. It just so happened we had the money we could give her. Dh had done a side job and we were going to put that money in our savings to replace the $500 we had to front for some car repairs. We had to pack up and leave. Drive to pick up my mom and take her over to the place to pay her bills. Today she calls me up and ask's if I can pick up a few things for her at the grocery store. I agree and she gives me her list:
A gallon of milk
Box of special k cereal
A loaf of bread
2lbs of hamburger
3lbs of lunch meat
Yogurt
2 bags of chips
I knew they didn't have a lot of money so I was willing to help but also a little annoyed because I feel like she's taking advantage of my kindness. When I dropped off the groceries she thanked me and promised to repay the money she barrowed within 10 days. This all coupled with the stress of dealing with a child who's allergies, asthma and urticaria is acting up. Dealing with paying bills at home, grocery shopping for my family, driving my oldest to his doctor appointment, getting oldest son to karate, second oldest son to piano lessons, cleaning my house, yard work and quality time with dh. Not to mention my sister is just being a drama whore. It's a long story but she is to blame for a lot of our problems. I just want to scream! Okay vent over. Thanks for listening. Any advice, encouraging words or anything would be nice. I need to know I'm not the only one going through a lot and how can I make it through this.
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by on May. 6, 2012 at 9:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kansasmom1978
by Katie on May. 6, 2012 at 9:32 PM

She is taking advantage of you. Or perhaps she knows your a push over.

lucky2Beeme
by Platinum Member on May. 6, 2012 at 9:34 PM

I am glad you could help your mom. Hopefully she will not have to keep asking you to.

mommytoeandb
by Gold Member on May. 6, 2012 at 9:35 PM
Sort of. She's an adult and shouldnt be relying on you so much. After she pays you back, I'd offer to sit down with her and go over her budget.
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onefootcutiepie
by on May. 6, 2012 at 9:36 PM

 Uh, it's your mother, right? So she raised you and all that, gave birth to you, etc? I'd say you're even.

lil_mama06
by Brian's Lil Vixen on May. 6, 2012 at 9:40 PM

HUGS and sounds like it...

ferrellmt
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2012 at 9:42 PM
1 mom liked this

Some people will take advantage of a kind heart. Even parent-people.

You mentioned that she laid on the guilt and you responded to it...this is concerning because it does show that she is manipulating you. Asking is one thing, guilting is another.

You probably would like some boundaries.  Define for yourself what you are and are not okay with.  Then stick to them. You do not have to JADE>>Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain...just state what you will or wont' do and repeat it. Do not engage--just repeat what you said, ESPECIALLY in the face of guilt and pushing, you will need to just keep saying "......I can do this...." or " I am not comfortable doing ...." WHY is no one's business.

Yes, you are being taken advantage of. If thats okay with you, then no problem. BUT if you don't like it, this is how you stop. 

How do I know?? I had to learn the hard way. It works. Just say no, and then keep saying it until you are heard.

If you are a total chicken, just screen her calls. LOL.

Snuggles20
by on May. 6, 2012 at 9:49 PM
Tell me about my stupid mil always bring her other son to stay with us right after we go get food and stuff he comes in eats a loaf of bread by its self and then eats the hot dog buns and I ask him why and said they was for hot dogs and he says I didn't know really what are hotdog buns made for... and his mamaw is who we live with to take care of her and she is like don't both him about it he never eats.. well I just cooked its his fault he didn't eat we pay for the stuff so she don't need to tell me what he can and can't have I mean I don't care for him having anything but a loaf in a day just plan bread... ugh I'm so mad
Lostinindy
by Silver Member on May. 6, 2012 at 9:52 PM
Just dont answer the phone. Tell her the battery died. If your not always at her beck and call she can't ask for things.
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Ollie123
by on May. 6, 2012 at 10:00 PM
Quoting onefootcutiepie:

 Uh, it's your mother, right? So she raised you and all that, gave birth to you, etc? I'd say you're even.


Mothers should not be relying on their kids to pay bills,buy groceries and all that other bs.
onefootcutiepie
by on May. 6, 2012 at 11:11 PM

 

Quoting Ollie123:

Quoting onefootcutiepie:

 Uh, it's your mother, right? So she raised you and all that, gave birth to you, etc? I'd say you're even.


Mothers should not be relying on their kids to pay bills,buy groceries and all that other bs.

 Meh. It's a tough economy out there. When and if my mother needs help, she will ALWAYS find it with me. Hubs feels the same way.

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