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update!!! yesssss! single parents that work 3rd shift help please!!!!! eta more info...

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OK SO BIG UPDATE! I AM SOO HAPPY OMG..STBXH CALLED AND WE TALKED HE SAID HE DIDNT WANT TO FIGHT ANYMORE (I THINK HE REALIZED THAT I WOULD PAY FOR A GUARDIAN AND I WOULD HAVE A LAWYER TOO NOW CUZ I WAS DONE WITH THE GAMES) AND SO IF I WAIVE HIS ARREARS AND ASK THE JUDGE NOT TO HAVE HIM PAY CS ANYMORE, HE WILL GO FOR 1 WEEK A MONTH 2 ADDITIONAL WEEKS A YEAR AND I GET TO CLAIM TAXES EVERY YEAR SINCE I PAY 6K A YEAR JUST IN DAYCARE. I KNOW THAT THE JUDGE WILL *PROBABLY* MAKE HIM PAY SOMETHING IN CS BUT I AM STILL GOING TO WRITE UP AN AGREEMENT AND GO FROM THERE.

ITS NOT ABOUT MONEY. I HAVE A GOOD JOB HE DOESNT. HE JUST DOESNT WANNA PAY AND IDC. I GET TO HAVE MY DD AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. HES STILL A PART OF HER LIFE BUT I AM MORE STABLE. I AM SOOO HAPPY! ESP IF AND WHEN HE SIGNS IT. AND HE ALSO ALREADY TOLD ME HE WASNT ABLE TO GET DD THIS MONTH EVEN THOUGH HE TOLD THE JUDGE HE WOULD....LOL



ok so my stbxh is now saying he works 3rd shift but wants dd 5050.... how is that gonna work? shes 2 btw hes only working pt and at 822 a month supposedly? anyways.... how does it work if u work 3rd shift with a toddler? just curious.... cuz i dont see it working... 

he will just have his on and off gf watch her... its not her responsibility!


ETA: OK so the whole story here is this.... 

june 2011- stbxh cheated got another woman pregnant (supposedly but has a mc.) i kicked him out for that and for threatening to beat my ass when i found out.

end of june-halloween 2011- he doesnt see dd, call, text nothing. i am on my own.

oct 25th- we had court he was ordered visitations every other weekend starting halloween weekend.  

oct-feb2012- we had many issues with his visits..not picking her up, changing times, called me in the middle of the night says he has no place for dd cuz gf kicked him out. i went and got her with HIS PARENTS.... 

JAN 23 he doesnt show for court

FEB 24TH- we have court and i ask to move from milwaukee to louisville for a job opp and cuz i have a solid support system. (i had all my info for him already) stbxh agrees if i let him have 5050. i only agree to it as a temp order to see how he does with it. it was the only way to move when i did. i do have a good job better than i could get up there. 

march- he takes her for his 2 weeks...kinda. he doesnt have what he needs (this happens alot) so i make sure dd has what she needs. he was supposed to take her for her well check and doesnt...doesnt tell me till after her appt time..i could have/would have taken her. 

he calls me the next day and says again hes kicked out etc.. i got get dd spend the day with her and i had a dr appt with her dr (family doc) and so he did both of us...cuz hes awesome like that..anyways

stbxh calls that night and tells me to bring her back..its ok now... wtf...i had to court order...

i am moving march 31st and he says he cant drive her to meet me half way cuz he doesnt have money...ok...fine... i take her with me no problems... 

april to now- he is supposed to have her for 2 weeks and doesnt take her at all...so its now may 11th...he hasnt seen her since march 31st. he hasnt paid his back child support which is now 1500+ 

the judge yelled at him for that, for trying to say i have to move back cuz he doesnt wanna drive halfway (previously he agreed) he never got the papers i sent him cuz he didnt have time between working 3rd shift and "helping friends" in the day time...really? u couldnt take 10 minutes...whatever.. so yelled at for that too... 

we now have to talk and try to work it out before sept. i know he is not gonna go for 1 week a month 2 additional weeks a year...because he doesnt wanna pay cs. 

i have to pay fulltime daycare whether dd is there or not.. cuz i have to insure  i have a sitter for when he fucks up...again...and it will happen. 

anyways so now u know any other questions ask :) sorry its long and took a while i made soup for my sick behind. 

by on May. 11, 2012 at 1:35 PM
Replies (21-30):
momma4vr
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:10 PM


Quoting owl0210:

Do you have joint legal custody when it comes to making medical, schooling and/or childcare decisions? If this girlfriend is on and off who is going to watch her when they break up?

yes on joint legal.  he already knows which daycare she is in here. he wont put her in daycare there cuz he doesnt make enough money. and thats  my point exactly..if they break up (which is every other day i swear) than what?

owl0210
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:11 PM
Those are actually legitimate concerns and you have every right to know. I went through a divorce recently although I have full physical with him having every other weekend. We have joint legal and make those decisions together.

Quoting momma4vr:


Quoting owl0210:

Do you have joint legal custody when it comes to making medical, schooling and/or childcare decisions? If this girlfriend is on and off who is going to watch her when they break up?

yes on joint legal.  he already knows which daycare she is in here. he wont put her in daycare there cuz he doesnt make enough money. and thats  my point exactly..if they break up (which is every other day i swear) than what?

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momma4vr
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:11 PM


Quoting WesAndNicksMom:

If the child is 2 and not in school, how would it matter what shift it was?

cuz if shes 2 then who is gonna watch her in the day time when hes sleeping? its not like his gf is always going to do it... and its notlike shes gonna be in daycare there...he says no cuz he doesnt have the money

happymommy1105
by Platinum Member on May. 11, 2012 at 2:11 PM
Exactly. When people get unreasonable judges get mouthy.

But that mouth can and will be turned against you if you go in there acting like a controlling person who wants her way.

Judges aren't stupid but don't think you get to control what happens on his time, no matter how much or little he is awarded. That's unreasonable.


Quoting momma4vr:

well we have until sept 25th to come to an agreement. he doesnt care about seeing her as much as he doesnt want to pay cs. hes 1500 in the hole now...and has no plans on paying it. i am the one taking care of dd, i am the one paying full costs for everything he doesnt do anything...im just trying to do whats best for her...and he has yet to prove he can take care of her...esp cuz he told the judge to make me move back. cuz he doesnt wanna drive half way... the judge told him to fuck off basically without saying that lol

Quoting happymommy1105:

You just come off as controlling.



And I'm not trying to be rude but unless you can prove him unfit by family court standards, it doesn't matter.



A family court judge will flat out tell you to mind your own business. That as long as the child is properly cared for, it doesn't matter.




Quoting momma4vr:

no i didnt mean to come off bitchy lol..im sick, and im stressed out cuz i know how he is. and i know hes not gonna take care of her... its just a bad issue.

Quoting happymommy1105:

Well I'm just telling you how the court sees it.





Quoting momma4vr:


Quoting happymommy1105:

It doesn't matter how he does it. As long as the child is being properly cared for.







His time his discretion.

thats crap..but ok thanks...

i just dont see it workin out... i know how he is and he doesnt see his other dd who lives an hour away. its a crappy situation for all involved



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momma4vr
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:13 PM

ok u see my point!!! yay..... ok and he has failed to pick her up before so i pay full time daycare whether shes there or not... so thats a lot of money out of my pocket and i want dd to use the daycare...its a great daycare and shes happy there...and in the midst of potty training..which he wont do either... (i go off on how he was with his other dd) 


Quoting owl0210:

Those are actually legitimate concerns and you have every right to know. I went through a divorce recently although I have full physical with him having every other weekend. We have joint legal and make those decisions together.

Quoting momma4vr:


Quoting owl0210:

Do you have joint legal custody when it comes to making medical, schooling and/or childcare decisions? If this girlfriend is on and off who is going to watch her when they break up?

yes on joint legal.  he already knows which daycare she is in here. he wont put her in daycare there cuz he doesnt make enough money. and thats  my point exactly..if they break up (which is every other day i swear) than what?


connie45
by Gold Member on May. 11, 2012 at 2:13 PM

If he's only working part-time - why cant he have her on his off days?

elsie_may
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:16 PM
1 mom liked this

i work 5 PM to midnight or 5 PM to 3 AM some days 5 days a week and I have a 2 year old of my own and I watch a 5 Year old all day long and I can do it so it is possible.. Just saying its your decision though and its your kid don't let anyone tell you want to do. but do what your heart tells you too

owl0210
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:17 PM
Do you have temporary orders or has a final order been issued? Raise these concerns when you go to court.

Quoting momma4vr:

ok u see my point!!! yay..... ok and he has failed to pick her up before so i pay full time daycare whether shes there or not... so thats a lot of money out of my pocket and i want dd to use the daycare...its a great daycare and shes happy there...and in the midst of potty training..which he wont do either... (i go off on how he was with his other dd) 


Quoting owl0210:

Those are actually legitimate concerns and you have every right to know. I went through a divorce recently although I have full physical with him having every other weekend. We have joint legal and make those decisions together.



Quoting momma4vr:


Quoting owl0210:

Do you have joint legal custody when it comes to making medical, schooling and/or childcare decisions? If this girlfriend is on and off who is going to watch her when they break up?

yes on joint legal.  he already knows which daycare she is in here. he wont put her in daycare there cuz he doesnt make enough money. and thats  my point exactly..if they break up (which is every other day i swear) than what?


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momma4vr
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:20 PM

and the way i see it best is this... i proposed that he has her for 1 week a month and 2 additional weeks a year at his discretion with letting me know ahead of time... i have already waived cs, so all i get is the arrears if he ever pays them, we meet half way (already decided by the courts and us ) and we have joint legal custody.


he wants no cs, has her 50% of the time, and i have to drive all the way there (drop off and pick up )or  move back.

now...with him having her 50% of the time...IF he would actually do it... fine...but the truth is he doesnt... he went months without seeing her.... he hasnt seen her since 3-31-2012 and he told the judge cuz he had car issues...no i have txts sayin hes not driving cuz he shouldnt have to. nothing about car issues.... 

he lies and manipulates all the time.. when i was living by him he would continully fuck up his visits with dd. he would change times, drop her off early, not have what she needs (diapers cream food wipes clothes...ect) so these are my issues...ontop of that he is on and off with his now gf who he left me for cuz he knocked her up supposedly...but misscaried..idk idc about that...but they break up and he calls me to get dd...its happened 2 times now... but now im 400 miles away..i moved to get a better job which i have now...hes making 822 a month according to court today...i will be making more than double that. 

sorry im rambling... but do u get where i am coming from?

Quoting happymommy1105:

Exactly. When people get unreasonable judges get mouthy.

But that mouth can and will be turned against you if you go in there acting like a controlling person who wants her way.

Judges aren't stupid but don't think you get to control what happens on his time, no matter how much or little he is awarded. That's unreasonable.


Quoting momma4vr:

well we have until sept 25th to come to an agreement. he doesnt care about seeing her as much as he doesnt want to pay cs. hes 1500 in the hole now...and has no plans on paying it. i am the one taking care of dd, i am the one paying full costs for everything he doesnt do anything...im just trying to do whats best for her...and he has yet to prove he can take care of her...esp cuz he told the judge to make me move back. cuz he doesnt wanna drive half way... the judge told him to fuck off basically without saying that lol

Quoting happymommy1105:

You just come off as controlling.



And I'm not trying to be rude but unless you can prove him unfit by family court standards, it doesn't matter.



A family court judge will flat out tell you to mind your own business. That as long as the child is properly cared for, it doesn't matter.




Quoting momma4vr:

no i didnt mean to come off bitchy lol..im sick, and im stressed out cuz i know how he is. and i know hes not gonna take care of her... its just a bad issue.

Quoting happymommy1105:

Well I'm just telling you how the court sees it.





Quoting momma4vr:


Quoting happymommy1105:

It doesn't matter how he does it. As long as the child is being properly cared for.







His time his discretion.

thats crap..but ok thanks...

i just dont see it workin out... i know how he is and he doesnt see his other dd who lives an hour away. its a crappy situation for all involved




momma4vr
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:21 PM

judge has a letter from me...and knows my concerns he still wants us to talk though..and its a temp 5050 order till sept.

Quoting owl0210:

Do you have temporary orders or has a final order been issued? Raise these concerns when you go to court.

Quoting momma4vr:

ok u see my point!!! yay..... ok and he has failed to pick her up before so i pay full time daycare whether shes there or not... so thats a lot of money out of my pocket and i want dd to use the daycare...its a great daycare and shes happy there...and in the midst of potty training..which he wont do either... (i go off on how he was with his other dd) 


Quoting owl0210:

Those are actually legitimate concerns and you have every right to know. I went through a divorce recently although I have full physical with him having every other weekend. We have joint legal and make those decisions together.



Quoting momma4vr:


Quoting owl0210:

Do you have joint legal custody when it comes to making medical, schooling and/or childcare decisions? If this girlfriend is on and off who is going to watch her when they break up?

yes on joint legal.  he already knows which daycare she is in here. he wont put her in daycare there cuz he doesnt make enough money. and thats  my point exactly..if they break up (which is every other day i swear) than what?



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