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update!!! yesssss! single parents that work 3rd shift help please!!!!! eta more info...

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OK SO BIG UPDATE! I AM SOO HAPPY OMG..STBXH CALLED AND WE TALKED HE SAID HE DIDNT WANT TO FIGHT ANYMORE (I THINK HE REALIZED THAT I WOULD PAY FOR A GUARDIAN AND I WOULD HAVE A LAWYER TOO NOW CUZ I WAS DONE WITH THE GAMES) AND SO IF I WAIVE HIS ARREARS AND ASK THE JUDGE NOT TO HAVE HIM PAY CS ANYMORE, HE WILL GO FOR 1 WEEK A MONTH 2 ADDITIONAL WEEKS A YEAR AND I GET TO CLAIM TAXES EVERY YEAR SINCE I PAY 6K A YEAR JUST IN DAYCARE. I KNOW THAT THE JUDGE WILL *PROBABLY* MAKE HIM PAY SOMETHING IN CS BUT I AM STILL GOING TO WRITE UP AN AGREEMENT AND GO FROM THERE.

ITS NOT ABOUT MONEY. I HAVE A GOOD JOB HE DOESNT. HE JUST DOESNT WANNA PAY AND IDC. I GET TO HAVE MY DD AND THATS ALL THAT MATTERS. HES STILL A PART OF HER LIFE BUT I AM MORE STABLE. I AM SOOO HAPPY! ESP IF AND WHEN HE SIGNS IT. AND HE ALSO ALREADY TOLD ME HE WASNT ABLE TO GET DD THIS MONTH EVEN THOUGH HE TOLD THE JUDGE HE WOULD....LOL



ok so my stbxh is now saying he works 3rd shift but wants dd 5050.... how is that gonna work? shes 2 btw hes only working pt and at 822 a month supposedly? anyways.... how does it work if u work 3rd shift with a toddler? just curious.... cuz i dont see it working... 

he will just have his on and off gf watch her... its not her responsibility!


ETA: OK so the whole story here is this.... 

june 2011- stbxh cheated got another woman pregnant (supposedly but has a mc.) i kicked him out for that and for threatening to beat my ass when i found out.

end of june-halloween 2011- he doesnt see dd, call, text nothing. i am on my own.

oct 25th- we had court he was ordered visitations every other weekend starting halloween weekend.  

oct-feb2012- we had many issues with his visits..not picking her up, changing times, called me in the middle of the night says he has no place for dd cuz gf kicked him out. i went and got her with HIS PARENTS.... 

JAN 23 he doesnt show for court

FEB 24TH- we have court and i ask to move from milwaukee to louisville for a job opp and cuz i have a solid support system. (i had all my info for him already) stbxh agrees if i let him have 5050. i only agree to it as a temp order to see how he does with it. it was the only way to move when i did. i do have a good job better than i could get up there. 

march- he takes her for his 2 weeks...kinda. he doesnt have what he needs (this happens alot) so i make sure dd has what she needs. he was supposed to take her for her well check and doesnt...doesnt tell me till after her appt time..i could have/would have taken her. 

he calls me the next day and says again hes kicked out etc.. i got get dd spend the day with her and i had a dr appt with her dr (family doc) and so he did both of us...cuz hes awesome like that..anyways

stbxh calls that night and tells me to bring her back..its ok now... wtf...i had to court order...

i am moving march 31st and he says he cant drive her to meet me half way cuz he doesnt have money...ok...fine... i take her with me no problems... 

april to now- he is supposed to have her for 2 weeks and doesnt take her at all...so its now may 11th...he hasnt seen her since march 31st. he hasnt paid his back child support which is now 1500+ 

the judge yelled at him for that, for trying to say i have to move back cuz he doesnt wanna drive halfway (previously he agreed) he never got the papers i sent him cuz he didnt have time between working 3rd shift and "helping friends" in the day time...really? u couldnt take 10 minutes...whatever.. so yelled at for that too... 

we now have to talk and try to work it out before sept. i know he is not gonna go for 1 week a month 2 additional weeks a year...because he doesnt wanna pay cs. 

i have to pay fulltime daycare whether dd is there or not.. cuz i have to insure  i have a sitter for when he fucks up...again...and it will happen. 

anyways so now u know any other questions ask :) sorry its long and took a while i made soup for my sick behind. 

by on May. 11, 2012 at 1:35 PM
Replies (41-50):
momma4vr
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:51 PM

edit bump

skyelyns_mommie
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:56 PM

honestly i'd tell him he wouldnt have to pay me back support or any if he would sign away his rights and leave you all along but that is me

now 3rd shift yea aint gonna happen there, i work 12hrs on 3rds and its utter hell when i do back to back nights and my daughter is 2!! plus i go to school. unless he is willing to give up sleep who is going to watch your daughter?? and for that matter who will watch her while he is at work??



  1. survivor of domestic violence ( 01-06-2010) and child abuse. 

theres always a light at the end of the tunnel, we just have to find it :)


❒ Taken
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say what you mean, and mean what you say become those that mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind.

momma4vr
by on May. 11, 2012 at 2:58 PM


Quoting skyelyns_mommie:

honestly i'd tell him he wouldnt have to pay me back support or any if he would sign away his rights and leave you all along but that is me

now 3rd shift yea aint gonna happen there, i work 12hrs on 3rds and its utter hell when i do back to back nights and my daughter is 2!! plus i go to school. unless he is willing to give up sleep who is going to watch your daughter?? and for that matter who will watch her while he is at work??

thank u! and his on and off gf watches her otherwise...which isnt her responsibility 

skyelyns_mommie
by on May. 11, 2012 at 3:40 PM
No problem and ya gf watching my child over night sooo would not be happening. Good luck to you hope that ass signs away his rights and leaves you alone


Quoting momma4vr:


Quoting skyelyns_mommie:

honestly i'd tell him he wouldnt have to pay me back support or any if he would sign away his rights and leave you all along but that is me

now 3rd shift yea aint gonna happen there, i work 12hrs on 3rds and its utter hell when i do back to back nights and my daughter is 2!! plus i go to school. unless he is willing to give up sleep who is going to watch your daughter?? and for that matter who will watch her while he is at work??

thank u! and his on and off gf watches her otherwise...which isnt her responsibility 


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momma4vr
by on May. 11, 2012 at 3:43 PM

yea i have no control over that...lol and he cant just sign his rights over... he has to not pay cs for a year and not see/talk to us for a year before i can do that.

or i have to be remarried for 6 months and the new guy would have to want to adopt her.

Quoting skyelyns_mommie:

No problem and ya gf watching my child over night sooo would not be happening. Good luck to you hope that ass signs away his rights and leaves you alone


Quoting momma4vr:


Quoting skyelyns_mommie:

honestly i'd tell him he wouldnt have to pay me back support or any if he would sign away his rights and leave you all along but that is me

now 3rd shift yea aint gonna happen there, i work 12hrs on 3rds and its utter hell when i do back to back nights and my daughter is 2!! plus i go to school. unless he is willing to give up sleep who is going to watch your daughter?? and for that matter who will watch her while he is at work??

thank u! and his on and off gf watches her otherwise...which isnt her responsibility 



beaugrl0824
by Gold Member on May. 11, 2012 at 3:44 PM
1 mom liked this
Honestly his time is his time and you have no say in it. Hard lesson I has to learn a awhile back.
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momma4vr
by on May. 11, 2012 at 3:47 PM


Quoting beaugrl0824:

Honestly his time is his time and you have no say in it. Hard lesson I has to learn a awhile back.

yea i know... :( i spend alot of quality time with her...and i know he doesnt and it just hurts...u know?

beaugrl0824
by Gold Member on May. 11, 2012 at 3:55 PM
Oh believe me I know. I'm also a fulltime EMT so I get it although I work set days.

Do you have a custody order already. Does it say anything about right of first refusal. If I am not gping to be with the kids for 6 hours or more I have to give him a heads up and let him decide if they go to the babysitters or with him. It works out well actually. And he does the same for me.


Quoting momma4vr:


Quoting beaugrl0824:

Honestly his time is his time and you have no say in it. Hard lesson I has to learn a awhile back.

yea i know... :( i spend alot of quality time with her...and i know he doesnt and it just hurts...u know?

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beaugrl0824
by Gold Member on May. 11, 2012 at 4:02 PM
Ok now reading further, why 50/50 with the distance between you. It doesn't make sense to me. What is going to happen when she gets school aged? It just doesn't seem like its the best plan that could be hashed out.
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CheyanneW
by on May. 11, 2012 at 4:35 PM

I was told the same when my oldest went through this.  I didnt' like her going for her visitation just to be stuck with a babysitter.  But the judge said it didn't matter.

Quoting beaugrl0824:

Honestly his time is his time and you have no say in it. Hard lesson I has to learn a awhile back.


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