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My mom thinks I'm in an abusive relationship... **update for those who've replied**

My Fiance and I have been together for a year. We are having our first baby together and I love him very much. He's a sweetheart, he does the cutest little things for me to make me smile. I moved in with him and things got a little weird...

He'd tell me I couldn't wear certain things like shorts and v neck shirts. I didn't think too much into it because I thought he just didn't want other men staring at me, some guys are like that. Then he'd get upset if I was doing something to my hair like straightning it or blow drying it if I was going to work..he won't let me hang out with my friends, I couldn't even go out to lunch with my SIL. He fights with me if I go on the computer, which I guess I shouldn't be on the computer but he's at work so I'm on it anyways..I don't ever do anything wrong on the computer.

He'll say things like "you're a stupid bitch" if I make a mistake, but he has anger problems and I know he does, after his anger calms down he says he's sorry and didn't mean it.

I mean yeah we fight, but nothing bad has ever really happened...my mom told me to google signs of an abusive relationship and she told me most of the signs fit my Fiance.

Does it sound like an abusive relationship to you? Or is my mom being overprotective?

 

**I've been at my mom's all weekend with my kids because my Fiance is working all weekend and all we've been doing is arguing and fighting to I decided to come stay with my mom for the weekend. I've been here all weekend and haven't really spoken to him lately only because everytime we do something or another is brought up and we fight again. I've actually had a very good weekend with my family and my kids and I'm enjoying my mother's day and the beautiful weather we are having today. Sorry I haven't posted back on this today. I already know I should leave and I have every intention on it, just trying to enjoy what's left of my weekend and mother's day without arguing and fighting with him some more.

Also, some are claiming I'm lieing about this problem but why would I lie? I honestly didn't even think of it as me being abused I thought of it as him being overprotective and insecure. I know there's emotional and mental abuse I just never thought that is what he was doing to me. Like I said I've never really been in an abusive situation, my ex was a POS but he wasn't abusive towards me, he was just a dumba** and made stupid choices. Obviously I knew this wasn't really normal behavior of someone but like I said I thought it was just him being insecure and overprotective. But now that I've actually sat down and looked up signs of an abusive relationships it was an eye opener that things could very well get worse if I continue to stay in this relationship. Luckily I have a very strong and supportive family that will have my back through all of this so I find the strength to leave and not come back.

From here on out it should be a time for me and my kids. For me to go back to school like I've wanted to to further my education and get the career I really want, without him holding me back like he has been. For me to enjoy my family and friends like I SHOULD be able to without being treated like crap for it. For me to be able to wear what I like and not get in trouble for it. It was a good thing that I got an eye opener before we got married and then I was REALLY stuck...

Anyway. There's not much at the house for me to worry about getting at the moment, luckily my parents kept my bedroom and my son's bedroom the way it was before I moved out lol so we all have a place to sleep and the things we need. I don't plan on living with my mom for long, just long enough to have this baby and save enough money to find somewhere else to live on my own.

Thank you everyone for the advice :) This weekend has really opened my eyes...it all just breaks my heart because I really thought him and I had something special...and we did until I moved in with him...and then his true colors came out...

Lilypie First Birthday tickersLilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
                                 Lilypie - (dCon)

by on May. 12, 2012 at 7:58 PM
Replies (111-120):
Beauty91805
by Silver Member on May. 12, 2012 at 9:08 PM
Oh honey, that's how it starts. Trust me, get your butt out while it's still early.
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LexRi0709
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:09 PM
Been there done that. Yes it is. He doesn't have to hit you for it to be an unhealthy relationship. You need to leave, before things escalate and before you say they won't, I promise you they will. Feel free to pm if you wanna talk
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ely209
by Silver Member on May. 12, 2012 at 9:10 PM
He is controlling you yes that is abuse you're mom is right
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kitty8199
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:12 PM
3 moms liked this
You fell in love with someone who turned into someone else. I know the feeling. Unfortunately the man you fell for doesn't exist. He was a front to get you to love him. This is who he is and he will get worse.

Quoting trishasjunebug:

It just breaks my heart into pieces because when I fell in love with him he was a totally different guy...and now we are having a baby together and I want nothing more than to be happy but I know my mom is a very smart woman and she knows what she's talking about...it's not going to be easy to do this...we've been fighting every single day it's either because I didn't text him back right away or I was on the computer...I'm tired of fighting...I know what I have to do it's just going to be really hard...I don't know why, any normal person would of left a while ago!!

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kayandjsmom
by Alecia on May. 12, 2012 at 9:13 PM
Your mom is right. Just because he hasn't hit doesn't make it any better what he's doing. He is verbally abusing you. I know you can't feel good when he talks down to you.

Get out before it gets worse.
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hargonagain
by Member on May. 12, 2012 at 9:13 PM

Yes, he is being emotionally and verbally abusive.  Controlling what you wear, who you talk to, your computer useage, etc is emotionally abusive.  You are an adult, you should't have to sneak around to get on the computer.   Calling you names etc is verbally abusive.  Believe me, it takes much longer to get over emotional and verba abusive than you think.  Get counseling for yourself.  Refuse to put up with the emotional and verbal abuse, if he gets worse, leave because physically abusing you isn't far behing the other actions.  Your mom is right!

-Chaotic-
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:15 PM
My ex was like that. It was fine until I went AGAINST him. I'd pull up my hair, he'd rip my hairtye out, straighten it or put makeup on, prepared to get wet. He started with biting, I got these huge purple welts, eventually it got to 'real' abuse, with the hitting, punching, smacking, stomping my face, ect. IT IS ABUSE. Get the fuck out before it gets physical or he does something to your baby.
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wickedfiress
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:16 PM

Your mom is one smart cookie, listen to her! 

Get out now before it escalates. 


side note: your font color is extremely hard to read! 

lruggio
by on May. 12, 2012 at 9:22 PM

Your mother is absolutely 1000% right.  You are in an abusive relationship with a very insecure, frightened, anxiety filled  man who feels the need to control you and give you a set of rules to live by because he is afraid that if  he does not control you enough, someone else will find you and you will disappear...that whole idea freaks him out, so he has to nip any potential before it starts.  HE has to be in control.  HE has to set the rules for you to follow so his anxiety will not overwhelm him.

Men who are controlling like this, seem to target women who have their own issues with self esteem, confidence and insecurity as well.  Confident, self assured women see this guy right through the "sweet" and flattering things he does to pull you in and would not give him the time of day.  Look into your self...see if I am not correct.  I unfortunately know this because I used to be in your shoes.  I wasted 6 years of my life in this kind of relationship, and lost many friends and I stopped visiting family, stopped family celebrations, made excuses as to why I never could show up.  I found it easier to stop working because of all the asusations...If I went to the grocery store, I woiuld have to get right back home and not stop off to window shop or go for a walk, or try on something I saw in a window because he timed me..."getting groceries does not take that long, where did you go?"  things like that.

I was accused all the time of fooling around, wanting to fool around, thinking about fooling around...because if I felt like putting on a bit of makeup, I must be meeting up with someone ...if I brushed my hair a different way, I must be trying to meet up with someone.  If I did not answer my cell ohone, I was fooling around with someone....I lived in a way to PROVE my self to a man...so maybe one day he will TRUST that I was a good and honest and decent person.  I jumped through all sorts of hoops to SHOW him that I was not who he thought I was.  Well...

I can tell you that all of my efforts never paid off....and no woman's efforts will EVER pay off because this type of man has too many deep routed psychological problems.  These types of men need extensive counseling and the prognosis for THEM is not a good one becaseu they rarely get any better even with years of therapy..

nd the best thing YOU need to do, is end this relationship and heal...and work on YOU for a while.  Find what makes you tick and GO AFTER it.  Once you believe in YOU, once you find your confidence, you will never again allow a man or a woman to call you "stupid bitch" or brain wash you into believing that you should  bow down and allow someone to tell you how to live, how to behave how to dress, who you can be friends with, whether or not you should be around family, where you can go and on and on.  

Your mother is right.  Please, do not make excuses for him and please, do not invest your precious life in a wasted effort.  Love is supposed to encourage, make you thrive, make you a better person, make you LOVE.  Love is NOT SUPPOSED TO HURT.  Please take care

wonderwomanT08
by Ruby Member on May. 12, 2012 at 9:23 PM
Yes hun. I was in one years ago. It got worse.It started with controlling behavior like you mentioned. And degrading talk and name calling.

I saw huge red flags when I read your post. Its weird, its always the same behavior! When I went to my abuse group it was like we were speaking about the same man! I know this,is hard and confusing. You love him. He is supposed to love you. You are having his baby. This is the man you said yes to marrying him. You've made plans to be together...forever.
But you have to ask yourself:

1. Am I supposed to feel this way?
2. Is love supposed to hurt?
3. Do I want my children to see me being treated this way?
4. Do I want my children to be treated this way?
5. Is your relationship a healthy example for your children? Is your df a good example for how men treat women if you have a son? If you have a daughter do you want her to grow up marrying a man that mistreats her?

Please look at this from all angles. Talk to someone. Im here! Or call your local womans shelter for advice!
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