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Hard working sahm wife?Edit*

Posted by on May. 16, 2012 at 9:33 AM
  • 36 Replies
A hard working wife that stays at home and raises her kids is supposed to have everything spotless dinner cooked all the dirty clothes washed and put away and pay all the bills and make sure they play and take care of the kids. Evidently that's not me.! I have 2 kids. 21 months and almost 11 months! That right there is hard work! I can't have everything spotless by the time my dh gets home and so therefore I'm a terrible wife.

A little back story. I am 20 my
Husband is 24. And in the army. I met him through my sisters now ex husband they were best friends in the army. My husband is from ga and I'm from tn. Well I got pregnant when I was 17 almost 18 and we got married. I knew I had strong feelings for him! I was falling for him. He had told me before we got married that if I was not preg then we wouldn't be getting married so I said were not bit we did. And things have been pretty shitty for over a year. Pretty much our whole marriage. I'm always getting called lazy and that I'm a horrible wife. Idk what to do.

I just want him to be able to talk to
Me about anything/everything and I want him to want to just give me a hug or a kiss every so often and he says well I try to remember. That just hurts me knowing that it is so hard for him to remember to hug his wife. I have told him that the only reason were married is becuSe of the kids and he says do you not ever think we're marries because we love each other? And well I do love him and not just because the kids but i really don't think he feels the same wether he realizes it or not. Sorry for the ramble and sorry of things are out of line and confusing. :(


Edit: my house is not dirty nor really
Messy I cook dinner and clean clothes and my house is clean. It's not perfect to his standards so he gets possed. So like I said I'm trying but I can't do everything so perfectly I'm not freaking wonder woman!!!
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by on May. 16, 2012 at 9:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
starreyedcutie
by Platinum Member on May. 16, 2012 at 9:35 AM
Sounds like you two got married for the wrong reasons :(
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Ilovebnamommy08
by on May. 16, 2012 at 9:38 AM

OMG!!! How long have you guys been married? I am so sorry you are going through this that's horrible he needs to make you feel special and yes being a SAHM is hard work cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids. I hope things get better have you tried calmly talking to him about it?

.Pagan.
by on May. 16, 2012 at 9:39 AM

go to military one source.com and arrange for the free counseling sessions there. i had to with my husband and it worked wonders :) we were just have communication issues and we couldn't seem to get over that hump. it sounds to me like you two have different 'love languages' and a counselor could really help mediate the conversation to be more productive. i know i was able to express myself better with her help for sure! also once your kids get older it won't be so hard. the first year and half of my son;s life the hosue was a wreck plain and simple. now he is 3.5 and its a LOT easier. just try to keep in mind that he may be stressed from work, counseling would be a good idea, and try to be his girlfriend again :)

nylees-mom
by on May. 16, 2012 at 9:43 AM
We have tried. Now He does not have time for it. He is in college class and French class in the q course. And yes we have completely dif love languages. We have been to a love language marriage retreat. I'm so stuck. He is not happy and when he is home you can really tell how unhappy he is with me and I don't want the kids to think that's okay


Quoting .Pagan.:

go to military one source.com and arrange for the free counseling sessions there. i had to with my husband and it worked wonders :) we were just have communication issues and we couldn't seem to get over that hump. it sounds to me like you two have different 'love languages' and a counselor could really help mediate the conversation to be more productive. i know i was able to express myself better with her help for sure! also once your kids get older it won't be so hard. the first year and half of my son;s life the hosue was a wreck plain and simple. now he is 3.5 and its a LOT easier. just try to keep in mind that he may be stressed from work, counseling would be a good idea, and try to be his girlfriend again :)


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nylees-mom
by on May. 16, 2012 at 9:44 AM
Yes I have tries calmly talking to him
About it!! A lot! But it's the same things at least 3 times a week. I'm just at such a loss


Quoting Ilovebnamommy08:

OMG!!! How long have you guys been married? I am so sorry you are going through this that's horrible he needs to make you feel special and yes being a SAHM is hard work cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids. I hope things get better have you tried calmly talking to him about it?


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nylees-mom
by on May. 16, 2012 at 9:46 AM
That's what I think and that's what I have been trying to tell him. I just wish i could get it through his head. I wish that there was some way to I back wards and "date" and learn about each other and then get "married"


Quoting starreyedcutie:

Sounds like you two got married for the wrong reasons :(

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Ilovebnamommy08
by on May. 16, 2012 at 10:12 AM

Since you guys are so young and have so many kids tried maybe getting a sitter and taking a weekend off and try and rekindle things and do some things together just the two of you every couple needs that and not getting that can put stress on a Marriage 

Quoting nylees-mom:

Yes I have tries calmly talking to him
About it!! A lot! But it's the same things at least 3 times a week. I'm just at such a loss


Quoting Ilovebnamommy08:

OMG!!! How long have you guys been married? I am so sorry you are going through this that's horrible he needs to make you feel special and yes being a SAHM is hard work cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids. I hope things get better have you tried calmly talking to him about it?



kansasmom1978
by on May. 16, 2012 at 10:13 AM

I stay at home. I don't keep my house spotless. I firmly believe that my family can help clean the mess they make.  

owl0210
by on May. 16, 2012 at 10:16 AM
If he's calling you lazy and a horrible wife why are you staying?
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nylees-mom
by on May. 16, 2012 at 11:45 AM
Because the thought of divorce scares me. Not only because of not being together as a family but because of the kids not seeing there dad often


Quoting owl0210:

If he's calling you lazy and a horrible wife why are you staying?

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