Torn between whether i should keep my baby or give him/her up for adoption?
i'm 16 and 14 weeks pregnant, and i already love my baby more than anything. but I don't know whether being a good mom would mean keeping my baby or giving her up for adoption. the "father" of my baby won't be in the picture - he's married (which i didn't find out until i told him i was pregnant) with two other kids - and seems to want to pretend like me and my baby don't even exist. but i'm okay with him not being involved, i already know in my heart that i would rather my baby have no father, than one i would have to force into being one. i know being a single mom wouldn't be a piece of cake...but i'm confident i could figure it out. everybody seems to have an opinion - and also I am LDS (mormon) so the pressure from the church is big....everybody churchwise is telling me I should give her up and that i just won't be able to provide her with the same opportunities in life that an older, married, well off couple can. but I don't agree with that - i have my family behind my back either way, and either way I plan on finishing school and going onto college...so I can give my baby everything. I want to keep her/him...and all my friends think I should too - but I don't want to be selfish, I want to do what's best for my baby. i don't care about me when it comes to my baby, all I care about is my baby being happy. i love my baby so much and really want to keep him/her, but the church and some of the adults in my life seem to feel like the most selfless thing i could do is give her up - but i don't know if i could...the thought of it already kills me. i just need some opinions and advice, please! thank you!
thank you for all the advice so far..and you all made some good points to think about - but i do want to make it clear that if i do keep my baby...i would NEVER let my mom take over, she would help me out, and babysit - so that i can finish school (and my college funds are taken care of...my parents are still planning on putting me through college, what scholarships (if i can hopefully get one) won't cover), but when i'm home I will be the one taking care of my baby and wouldn't have it any other way...she would know who her mommy is. my baby WILL be my life...she/he already is!!! i can't stand when i see single moms who let their parents just take over. and i know that i'm young, but i know i'd be a good mother - i just want my baby to have the best life possible and can't decide which way that would mean. i'd be okay without child support - my parents have already told me they will help me out financially, so it just seems easier on both my baby and me not to go after her "dad" - KWIM? and he's 32, and i know it was dumb of me who i had my baby with, but all i care about now is him/her. my parents are willing to help me out as much as i need so that i won't need to be on assistance of any kind. just wanted to clarify a few things, thanks again.
*and i don't know if my baby is a boy or a girl yet, i'm only 14 weeks - but i guess i have this picture in my mind of my baby being a girl, i could be wrong though!
also, i wouldn't let my parents adopt my baby. if i do give her up..i couldn't see my parents raising her and me only being like her/his sister - that would be tough and confusing for her/him and to be honest, i couldn't do it. i would give her up outside of the family, but would want an open adoption - my heart is telling me to keep my baby though - but i want to be a good mom, and not be selfish. i'm leaning towards keeping her...but want to at least look at adoption, either way - i want my baby to know that i love him/her, and want my baby to have the best life i can give them.
****i wanted to thank you ladies for all your advice - those were all things that were going through my mind. i went on a little outing with my mom tonight - and we talked a lot of things over, and those of you who said that you could tell i had pretty much decided to keep my baby were right...i've decided i AM going to keep her. :) but I'M going to raise her, not my parents. i know some of you think money has everything to do with it - and my parents ARE going to help us out financially and put me through college, but in my opinion....raising a child is about loving, teaching, and caring for your child...not the money. no matter how selfish some might think it is, i just love my baby too much already and just the thought of giving her up kills me. i feel so bad for people who want kids and can't have them...but i don't feel like i owe them MY baby. I'M her mommy and i'll do whatever it takes to make sure she has the world...and i already refuse to put anything before her, she IS my life, already. my parents will be a huge help to us and i know i am very lucky to have them. if my friends ditch me, so be it - all i care about now is my baby. :) my mom and i are also going to look into hiring a lawyer first thing Tuessday - to blow everything out of the way with her dad, in case he out of the blue decides to try and get custody from me or anything like that, my parents have been looking at the laws in my state and we're almost positive by taking him to court that he'll go to jail. and for those who were wondering...my parents had no idea i was even seeing him. and he didn't know my age right at first, but our second "date" i told him and he decided it didn't matter, we were only together 3 months but anyway...none of that matters anymore. i just want to do whatever it takes to protect my baby - and while i don't "know" just how tough being a mom will be (nobody does, i don't think until they're there), i have a gut feeling that my baby and i will figure it out together. :) thanks again for all the advice, i will be coming back with more questions along the road, i'm sure. :) thanks again
also, i wanted to say that i know my decision isn't what the church wants, but - my bishop reminded me that i have my free agency, and i guess if this is how he wants to see it...i'm using it. i have known almost all th epeople in my ward since i was little though, and i have a pretty good feeling they're going to come around, and i know they will love my baby. i feel at peace with my decision - and that alone tells me it's the right one for both my baby and me. :)
I'm LDS and I'm going to tell you, that if you feel you can raise this baby and give her all you can, then you keep that baby. The church cannot dictate what you do. You are human - so is your baby. Especially if your parents have your back! Good luck girl!
I don't know as though I have a lot of advice to give but I will say this. Don't make any decisions until you are 100 percent sure of what is right for YOU. If you have a support system and think you can do it and want your baby then do it. Its not the churches decision or any other adults decision. Its yours and you have to follow your heart and how you feel.
I do have to ask, how old is the father if he's married with children? And what in gods name was he doing having sex with a 16 year old in the first place if he's old enough for a wife and 2 kids? If you choose to keep your baby don't let him brush you aside. If he doesnt want to be an active father then oh well his ass can still pay child support! He helped make the baby he can help pay for it!
Don't ever do something because someone else is pushing you to, that will always end in regret!
Having a baby is rough. At any age really. I'd rather see you give your baby up for adoption rather than cause any harm to the baby. ( not saying you would, but there have been so many reports of young mothers killing and abusing their babies in the news).
However, there are places that can and will help you. Financially and they offer low income housing, as well as child care. You need to speak with your Doctor when you go in for a prenatal visit. Tell them you are concerned about beings so young and being able to provide for your child. Ask what programs they have, they can give you all the information on WIC, which gives you free formula, if you are formula feeding, or breast pumps if you breastfeed. They also give you cereal, cheese, fruits, milk ect while pregnant and for the first 5 years of the childs life.
Then you can also apply for food stamps, which will supply you and the baby with food. You can also apply for state help with medical bills for you and the baby. there are other options besides adoption. Check into all of that first.
Maybe speak to some teen moms who have kept their babies and some who have given their baby up for adoption.
If you get upset thinking about it, i would say keep it, it will not be the easy road. Dont let anyone try to bully you into making a choice you dont want for you or your baby. But yeah if just thinking about it gets you upset keep your baby, or you will always have a problem with what you did, Good luck! Being a mom is hard but wonderful in many way.
She is asking about her dad ....
If you had to slaughter your own animals, would you still eat meat? Poll included
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on May. 26, 2012 at 2:43 PM