Some of you might know me and know that I lost a baby last year in March .I was 33 weeks pregnant and he was stillborn. The autopsy showed that I had preeclampsia but he also had the cord wrapped around his neck at birth multiple times. I posted about that on CM.
I got pregnant again in October and had a beautiful baby boy named Luke on April 29th. He was 2.5 months premature and was in the NICU. Yesterday he came down with NEC, an infection that destroys the tissue in the intestines. In a matter of 24 hours and through a surgery to remove parts of the colon and intestine,it also started to affect his heart, lungs and kidneys.After several times of cardiac failure and resuscitation this morning at around 11 am he let go and passed away.
My heart is broken and the only reason I seem so strong is for my 4 year old daughter and because of my amazing fiance who holds me up.
Everyone around me is telling me I am a great person and a wonderful mother but I keep wondering what I did to deserve this from life, to lose 2 children in 2 years?
Update: Thank you everyone for all the hugs and prayers and kind words. I really appreciate it and needed the love and kindness you have shown more than I ever have in my life today.
Another Update 5/30
Today I am okay... okay meaning that I realize life just isnt fair sometimes and that life just did not intend for me to have a son grow up with me.
Yesterday and the day it happened I wouldnt even allow myself to believe it was real.I think I was still kind of in shock. Today it feels real. My normal routine since he was born is to take DD to school,drive straight to the hospital and spend 3 hours there till she was out of school. I lost it as we drove past the hospital.The surreal feeling came slamming to a halt and it finally hit me that my baby is gone. I wont ever get to hold him or kiss his head or sing to him again.Thank goodness DF took the day off work and was driving.
I can't say Thank You enough for everyone on Cafemom in this group and other groups that have been there for me through the deaths of both of my sons. Thank you to every person that have extended condolences and comfort to me ,it means so much to me.