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he is in so much trouble-update at bottom

Posted by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 1:02 AM
  • 15 Replies
My ds is almost done with his first year of school. He will be 6 in a couple of weeks. He goes to an after school program that is at the school. I go to pick him up today and a friend of mine was outside talking to the head lady of the program, her son is in the same class as mine and also goes to the after school care. As I walked up to them my friend said "good, I hope you get the talk too so I won't feel so bad". I gave her a confused look and the lady said "yes Landon was also involved so I need to speak with you". Okay I'm thinking the boys got into a fight. I was not prepared for what she said. She said apparently at lunch my son was told that another little boy had a naked picture of a 5th grade girl that is in the after school care. She said Landon told another boy and a girl overheard it and told the 5th grader, who then told the lady at after school. Somehow it was stated that my son said he had a naked picture of this little girl. So she took all of them in the hall, little girl included, and told them they needed to say they were sorry for making something like that up and for talking about inappropriate things. They did. She said she did not write them up because they knew what they did was wrong and that they were really sorry for doing it.

So my friend and I take our boys outside and try to find out what in the world happened. Of course being 5 year olds they blamed it on each other and then the other boy. So I decided to wait till we got home to see if I could get the truth out of Landon. First we told him his punishment. No tv, no video games, no toys, no playing with the neighbors. He can look at books and that's it. He has to stay in his room and think about what he did. Then we asked how this was started. Well after going round and round he finally admitted that his friend said he had a naked picture of a girl that rides his bus (she is in high school, they have them ride with the elementary school kids) so Landon came back trying to one him up by saying he had a picture of the 5th grade girl. Another boy was involved with just spreading it around. We explained to him how serious this is, how embarrassing it probably was for the little girl and how much trouble he could get himself and others into. If he was older, I guarantee we would have police here tearing our house apart looking for child pornography. Of course my son has no pictures of this girl and we have no naked pictures of anyone except ds when he was a baby. And I'm positive the other boy doesn't have dirty pictures either.

Landon has never done anything like this. Never gets in trouble and is always complimented on how sweet and respectful he is. This was like a slap in the face to me. I started crying when I talked to him because this is not something the parents of a 5 year old should have to worry about. He has gotten minor punishments in the after school program recently for acting up. And it coincides with when this other boy started coming to the program.

Tomorrow I'm going to the school to speak with the guidance counselor and his teacher. I just want them to reinforce what I told Landon about how its highly inappropriate, its mean, and its very serious. We spoke to him for over 2 hours about this. I just want the school to know that this happened and I would like for the 3 boys to be separated for the rest of the year (they get out next Wednesday). I don't know where this other boy got this idea from, maybe the high schoolers on the bus are talking inappropriately around him. I told Landon that he doesn't need to be the center of attention, he doesn't need to make people laugh all the time and if he's around people talking this way he will be tempted to do the same or will be guilty by association. I told him if something like this happens again to walk away from the kids who are saying it.

Do you think I handled it right? Any suggestions? I'm heart broken that my child, even not understanding it, is already sexualized at this age. This just isn't something that should come out of a 5 year olds mouth.

Update: I just got home from talking to the principal, who also used to be a guidance counselor, and I am positive Landon fully understands how serious this is. She agreed with me that the boys need to be separated to let things cool down so this isn't a topic of discussion between them again. She told Landon exactly what I did, to think before he says something, not to repeat things that don't sound appropriate, and to get away from the situation and tell an adult when something like this happens. He was very apologetic and he started to cry a little because it scared him that he did something that could've gotten him in a lot of trouble. He was also upset that he embarrassed a little girl that he likes to be around. So we will see how today and next week goes. He is still grounded from video games, toys, tv and playing with other kids. Books allowed and he has to stay in his room other than meal times.
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by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 1:02 AM
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Replies (1-10):
terramarie
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 1:24 AM
I think you handled it perfectly. Hopefully he understands what you told him and learns the lesson now instead of later when there could be a worse penalty. You did great dont doubt your parenting skills!
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amyrw
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 1:30 AM
Thank you. We did tell him exactly what could've happened if they had taken the boys seriously. He was scared by the thought of having to go to a foster home while they investigate me and dh, bc you know they would assume sexual abuse. And by the thought of getting kicked out of school and possibly having to go to juvenile hall. We also asked him how he would feel if someone was saying things like that about him. He said he'd be embarrassed. I hope we got through to him. But I'm going tomorrow to make sure I have that reinforcement from the people at school so he knows all the important adults in his life agree on this matter.

Quoting terramarie:

I think you handled it perfectly. Hopefully he understands what you told him and learns the lesson now instead of later when there could be a worse penalty. You did great dont doubt your parenting skills!
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tennisgal
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 1:33 AM

Sorry Momma. I have no idea how I would have handled that. I can't imagine even having to brooch that at 6yo actually. 

prdmomnarmywife
by Gold Member on Jun. 1, 2012 at 1:36 AM
Eek my son starts school in aug and will be 5 in nov :( this scares me , but I think you handled it right . And I would also tell the school they need to separate them from the high schoolers , they all def should not be sharing a bus , little ears hear everything .
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lilydoyle
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 1:40 AM

 I agree; you handled it perfectly. I haven't had to deal with that yet, but i've thought about it, and i would have done the same!

terramarie
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 1:41 AM
Thank goodness he is so young! I would of handled it the same way though. Hopefully they back you! BEST WISHES!


Quoting amyrw:

Thank you. We did tell him exactly what could've happened if they had taken the boys seriously. He was scared by the thought of having to go to a foster home while they investigate me and dh, bc you know they would assume sexual abuse. And by the thought of getting kicked out of school and possibly having to go to juvenile hall. We also asked him how he would feel if someone was saying things like that about him. He said he'd be embarrassed. I hope we got through to him. But I'm going tomorrow to make sure I have that reinforcement from the people at school so he knows all the important adults in his life agree on this matter.



Quoting terramarie:

I think you handled it perfectly. Hopefully he understands what you told him and learns the lesson now instead of later when there could be a worse penalty. You did great dont doubt your parenting skills!

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amyrw
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 1:42 AM
Luckily my son doesn't have high schoolers on his bus bc his driver doesn't drive the high school route. But the other boy who originally started this does have high schoolers on his. They share buses bc the district we are in spreads across a large area. We are about 15 miles away from the high school and in order to save money and to get the kids to school on time they pick up high school and elementary school together. I really think that's where this whole mess started.

Quoting prdmomnarmywife:

Eek my son starts school in aug and will be 5 in nov :( this scares me , but I think you handled it right . And I would also tell the school they need to separate them from the high schoolers , they all def should not be sharing a bus , little ears hear everything .
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cat-baloo
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 1:44 AM

wow i would be wondering who his influences are? are the younger kids mixed in with older kids at recess, or  on the bus? how do these little buggers even know what's so awesome about a  naked pic, it should be considered gross for at least a few more years!

geesh!

i have a 6 yr old and a 19 mo old, both boys, and both LOVVVVE girls....lol.....never had to had to talk about porn with them yet, lol, you poor thing!

amyrw
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 1:45 AM
The only advice I can give is to tell your child that the company they keep matters greatly. And to think before saying something. I was in no way prepared for this. I was not expecting this at all.

Quoting prdmomnarmywife:

Eek my son starts school in aug and will be 5 in nov :( this scares me , but I think you handled it right . And I would also tell the school they need to separate them from the high schoolers , they all def should not be sharing a bus , little ears hear everything .
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BeAmour
by on Jun. 1, 2012 at 1:49 AM
I second that

Quoting terramarie:

I think you handled it perfectly. Hopefully he understands what you told him and learns the lesson now instead of later when there could be a worse penalty. You did great dont doubt your parenting skills!
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