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DFs reaction heartbroken..UPDATE we talked

i  just found out im pregnant  i am having ahard time dealing with this still and im kinda in shock/maybe denyal. i tell df  i needed to tell him something when he had aminute to call me. he asked what it was and i told him im pregnant  that i just found out and im scared and upset   and to please not be mad. his response.... "how can this happen! ive barley touched you latley!! the other day  was the first time in a while!! ( a week for the record) and before that you were on the pill so HOW did you  get pregnant ?? i corrected him calmly  saying" no dear  you knew i wasnt on the pill anymore and thats why you  decided to just pull out, and the one day  you didnt pull out i went and got  the plan B pill to prevent this."  he the asked one more question about  the type of test i  had and  said maybe its wrong... w/e yes one from the hospital and two at home tests all wrong...  but told him i had an apt tomorrow to get a blood test and ultrasound ( im high risk so they need to see exactly how far along i am) and  he just says ok i gotta go so and so needs my help bye... and hangs up... no i love you, nothing. he made it sound like it couldnt possibly be him who got me pregnant  and like he was accusing me of sleeping around I HAVE NEVER EVER CHEATED ON  HIM!!!   i understand being upset and in  dealing with it to  but to be a dick to me??? hell we have a kid together already!!!!  its not like he just  never had a kid and  didnt want kids with me or wasnt commited to me . i am heartbroken by his reaction... i dont know why i even told him i knew he would be pissed n take it out on me one way or another...

UPDATE****  Df came hoome to talk.. told me it was my choice  on what to  do  then everytime i thought of a way we could manage financially to keep the baby he said stop lying to yourself your health is bad  you were sick with dds pregnancy and couldnt work why do you think youll be able to finish school?   the  kinda talk continued over an hour , id then say well what do you ant me to do call planned parenthood and have an abbortion and hed tell me i cant handle  an abortion ( hes right i talk about  th epossiblilty of getting one and cry) so basically i cant handle having another baby, its going to cause us to loose our home because i wont beable to finsish school regardless of what i say, but i cant handle an abortion either... then tells me to think about it and when i say one or the other he argues with me the opposite side.... so i have no idea whats going on in his head and no idea what we are doing.

by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 12:04 PM
Replies (31-35):
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 4:10 PM
Wow holy crap I'm sorry hun! He sounds like he's in shock. Give him a little bit of time to let it sink in and I'm sure he will be alright. Good luck sweetie
by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 4:22 PM
The plan B pill doesn't work if you're already pregnant. That could be an option too. Maybe you conceived earlier?

Maybe start trying to find an adoptive family. If abortion isn't an option and keeping it isn't either, there are tons of families whom would love to have that baby. :)

Keep your head up, there are options for you.
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by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 4:24 PM
I didn't ask for sympathy for my pardicement...did I? No I was discussing my dfs reaction and how his first response was pretty much it couldn't be his because he didn't remember every time q
We had sex and that it only takes once. I updated after we talked to let others know what his reaction was further and that I ofcourse was upset ( regardless of situation ) when the only person you've been with in over five years insinuated that he may not be the father. The only thing I was looking for by this post was people to either reassure me df was just in shock and not to flip on him cuz of what he said or he is an ass

Quoting LntLckrsCmQut:

I was just about to post the same thing.

OP.... I honestly cannot feel any sympathy for someone who causes their own predicament.

Quoting Litlmama87:


Why'd you go off birth control, & agree to the pull out method, if you have high risk pregnancies, that put your babies at risk for defects, & you rely on financial aid to keep a roof over your head, & you knew neither one of you were ready for another child right now?

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by on Jun. 20, 2012 at 4:27 PM
Omg does he really think you cheated? :( that's horrible!

I have an app on my phone called MyDays that I used to keep track of when my husband and I had sex and when I got my period (it also told me when I was supposed to ovulate). So when I got my BFP, I was able to pin point the actual day I conceived. Not that he would ever accuse me of cheating, we were trying to get pregnant. Call me anal, I wanted every detail in order. :)

Quoting nicsmama09:

Sry :( im 23 weeks..dh cant remember having sex with me in january so I must have cheated :/

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by Silver Member on Jun. 20, 2012 at 4:30 PM

I think that you should sit down and calmly discuss this with both of you focusing on the realities of the situation in which you find yourselves and not on how the other person is responding and acting. Making the assumption that you are both committed to each other and to being a family there are some difficult decisions to make. I come from a Jewish background in which priority is given to the mother's health in such situations because while having an abortion may be a very difficult decision the welfare of your whole family is at stake here given you precarious health, the possible complications for the baby, the financial situation and that so much of this hinges on your ability to continue with school as well as what is best for the child you already have. I also think you need to honesty discuss how much your relationship might suffer because of the various stresses and how you can come to an agreement on how to handle this together in a way that is acceptable in the long term to you both, realizing that whatever decision you make may be very hard. I don't know if you have a spiritual/religious affiliation but perhaps if you do there might be someone in a position to offer counseling for you both as you try to find the right choice for your family. Please know that my thoughts are with you and I hope you find a path that will lead you all to the best possible place for your family. 

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