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Would it be inappropriate of me to ask them for money?

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As some of you may know from my previous posts, my BIL was killed in a car accident this past Wednesday. He was 22 and leaves behind a wife (my sister) and two small children (my nephew will be 3 in August and my niece is 1). My sister and BIL were in the process of moving (LONG story) and had just put a $3000 down payment on land, which I've been told is non-refundable. So, they literally have/had no money left when this happened. Now, my family is trying to get donations to help pay for his funeral costs. My sister had originally decided that she was going to have him creamated, because it's cheaper. However, my BIL came from Mexico and that's where his entire family is at. They are wanting my sister to have a viewing here (in Alabama) for family and friends and then ship his body to Mexico. My sister is ok with doing that, but to transport his body raises the price up by $2000. I asked her if his family would be ok with her just sending his ashes, but they want his body intact so they can say goodbye one last time (they haven't seen him in 7 years), which is completely understandable, but it definitely puts my sister in a bind.

So, my question is: Would it be inappropriate for me to ask my pastor to take up a donation at the church that I go to? I mean, my sister and BIL don't go to that church and I wouldn't want anyone to think that the pastor would be ok with doing this for every family that has a death in the family (which he might be ok with that, I don't know).

Also, my husband and I haven't been very active in the church over the past 2 or 3 months. We do keep the Wee Worshippers class (ages 1-3) once a month and my husband goes to the church to help with lawn care once a month, but we haven't been attending service as much as we normally do. 

Advice please? Would it be ok to ask or no?

ETA: His family is going to try to send a little bit of money, but it will never be enough. 



by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:05 PM
Replies (11-20):
michaeljrsmommy
by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:11 PM
Honestly I wouldn't ask, but that's just me..if his family wants his body sent to them they need to put fourth 90% of the money IMO.
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BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:12 PM


Quoting AliIzzyMom:

Is his family a me to help with any of the cost? I do think they need to see his body. I am just not sure how to get the funds for transportation.

From what I understand, they are going to try to send a little bit of money, but they don't have much. In fact, my BIL had been sending them money every month. Also, Mexico's currency is different than ours. A little bit of our money is alot of money over there, but their money is only a little to us. I hope that made sense?

MandiK
by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:12 PM

I think it would be fine to ask. The church is all about helping people. I would also ask if his family can help pay. Did he not have any life insurance? This is so sad :(

kimsamomof3
by Silver Member on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:12 PM
1 mom liked this
The family should pay for the cost if they want his body sent to Mexico. Your sister shouldn't have to pay for that. Also I think it would be tacky to ask for donations to ship a body. And to ask a church that he wasn't even a member of.
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KairisMama
by Ruby Member on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:13 PM
1 mom liked this
This. If I were the wife id tell them they pay or hes cremated and staying here.
Quoting phantomphan:

If his family wants his body that bad, they need to pay for the extra costs.



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Mazie0723
by Platinum Member on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:13 PM
His family should have to pay for the cost not your sister. If they can't then your sister needs to d what's best for her.
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BamaMommy2
by Angel.N.Disguise on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:15 PM


Quoting phantomphan:

If his family wants his body that bad, they need to pay for the extra costs.

My sister has already said that if she can't come up with the money by next Saturday, she's going to have him creamated and send his ashes. It's a tough decision to make, but she really has no choice if she can't afford it, kwim?

danandsamsmom
by Bronze Member on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:15 PM

I am very active in my church, and I wouldn't be comfortable making that request.

jadsmummy
by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:16 PM
Its not inappropriate. Especially if its an open donation from members who have a choice to give or not.
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AliIzzyMom
by on Jun. 30, 2012 at 12:16 PM
I am so sorry your family is going through this. I hope everything works out.


Quoting BamaMommy2:



Quoting AliIzzyMom:

Is his family a me to help with any of the cost? I do think they need to see his body. I am just not sure how to get the funds for transportation.

From what I understand, they are going to try to send a little bit of money, but they don't have much. In fact, my BIL had been sending them money every month. Also, Mexico's currency is different than ours. A little bit of our money is alot of money over there, but their money is only a little to us. I hope that made sense?


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