She's too young for this crap!!!!

[Msgme]

I have a 13 year old daughter  that was "dating" this boy.  That meant they hung out @ my house with supervision.   They broke up back around Easter time of her own choice.  But they continued to hang out with supervision.  I found out she kissed him in school and i kinda put the breaks on.  they remained friends but mostly via Facebook which i was monitoring without her knowing. All was going well until a couple of weeks ago.  I noticed she was talking to him non stop pretty much.   I gave her the advice that she needed to back off a bit.  That it was too much and she was to young to be wrapped up all the time with one boy.  The boy also comes with a ton of baggage.  Stuff that at 13 he should not be dealing with and my dd should not as well.  He's gay. He hasn't come totally out of the closet or really fully admitted it to himself because he's struggling with it.  He seems to think that if he clings on to my dd than it must mean he's not gay.  He also has a ton of family issues that go really deep. well dd didn't listen to my advice so I had it went from advice to she had to slow it down and not talk to him very much.  He left the country on the 7th of this month with no set date to come back.  There has been some talk that in 8 months  he might come back.  Well she didn't listen again and this time i found part of a conversation that was at least NC17 if not worse.  He's lucky he's in another country. Well i decided she was not to talk to him at all under any circumstances for at least 2 weeks. That at the end of 2 weeks we would discuss it. I didn't want her moping around the house with nothing to do but think about this boy so I gave her limited access to FB so that she could still make plans to hang out with her friends and enjoy the summer. She had spent too much time ignoring the friends and only talking to him.  So I blocked him on FB.   I guess she thought i was stupid because she unblocked him.  so now I have no choice but  to ground her totally. No facebook, no phone and she's spending all of her time moping around the house doing nothing but thinking about him.  And of course she hates me.  She's in love with him and I don't understand what its like I'm horrible and I want her to be miserable.  I just want to reverse time and make her little again.  If its this hard at 13 i can only imagine was 16 and 17 are going to be like.

[Liyoness]

If he were a girl and they were this close would you be so upset?
He may well be her best friend, and the one friend to stick by her. Why stifle that?

Does she know he's gay?

[krayzbabylove]

Get her friends numbers and allow her to call or text them on your phone, bit cut this boy off. She will get over it. Sex talk is a big no no, and my dd will not be dating at 13, with or without. ".." around the word. We as adults see it as harmless, but being that kids get pregnant at 13 and stds have circulated around the 10-13 age group as well, it is NOT harmless or innocent; at least not for long.

[jac77]

Idk. Looking at it as a Mother I see why you're concerned. But, I remember my 13 yr old bf, there was a ring, bracelet, mix tapes, def sex talk & we kissed. That was the furthest it went. My values my Mother instilled in me kicked in & I didn't want to grow up that fast. But, my Mother trusted me. At some point Mama, you have to stop. I'm telling you, you're going to push her away. And don't betray your daughter by telling his parents you think he's gay. For all you know his Dad could beat the crap out of him for the thought.

Quoting Msgme:

Quoting jac77:

I have an 11 DD, and my first thought is you need to do something different.  It sounds like whenever you restrict things more, she tries harder to have contact with him.  Plus, at this point she thinks you don't understand and are out of touch.  I don't think you ever want your daughter to feel like you don't get it.  I'd have a very real talk with her about why you feel this isn't the boy for her.  I don't think shes too young to be intersted in boys necessarily, as this isn't t he boy she should be interested in.  Besides, the more open talks you have with her the more she'll learn she needs to fine tune her 'picker', and she won't feel you're so out of touch. Then tell her you're going to trust her.  I know thats hard but, do it with the preface with her....you can look at her f/b at any time. 

There is actually so much more to the story of them then I mentioned in the post. I could write a book. including the diamond and saphire ring he gave her when he "proposed"  I know he's lying about the ring but I have no proof he stole it.  His dad was so friggen happy he gave it to a girl that he could of stolen it from his mother and they probably wouldnt of cared.  Back in February when they "broke up" it was after days of her spending in bed crying about his boy.  He's a full time liar and doesnt know how to not lie. As far as she's concerned he was "cheating" on her.   I have sat down with her and I let her know I understand how she feels. she feels like she's "in love" with him and no amount of anyone telling her different is going to change how she feels.  I never wanted to remove him completly from her life. I even told her w hen he comes back if they still have feelings for one another we'll figure something out.  I've openly told her why I think he's not the right person for her but that I'll let her figure it out.  However its not appropiate for her to talk the way she was with him and I just wanted it slowed down and the conversations stay away from Sex.  She tells me after she gets in trouble that she did it because she didnt think i would keep to my word.  I've never went back on my word to her ever.