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Not understanding her logic at all ....not meant to offend anyone , just the way I feel !!

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Okay I have 5 kids and I've been a stay at home mom since our oldest was almost 2 ( that's when it was financially feasible for me to be ). My husband and I own our home and he makes decent money but we're not rich or anything  . I have a cousin who works and so does her husband and she only has 1 child . Her mortgage is a lot less than ours . She is CONSTANTLY saying how I am so lucky and she wishes that she could stay at home with her son . I always say " why don't you , you only have 1 and know you're not having anymore . He'll be in school in just a few short years , stay home with him for a bit " her response is well I would love to but I want to be able to give him everything so I have to work ...okay ? Are you implying that I'm not giving my kids everything because I stay home ? They play instruments , sports  etc .. they have a great time but MOST importantly they have me , there for them always 24 /7 . I mean does she really think when her son is older he is going to be happy that she worked 10 + hours a day . Does she really think that he is going to be happy that he got a  Disney vacation every year but rarely saw his mom during the week ? I mean I just don't get some peoples logic . If your family couldn't survive on only one income or you are a single parent and just can't do it , I totally understand and I get it . If you can easliy pay your bills, still save a little and live comfortably on one income for a few short years while your child is home , why wouldn't you ?

Wondering how others feel about this ?

CafeMom Tickers

by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Replies (91-97):
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 3:31 PM
I wish I could stay home and homeschool...I hate missing things with my dd, she's 2.5 and I've had to work so much due to my stbxdh feeling like he doesn't need to take care of his dd and the crazy expense of childcare and low pay in social services field...I hate it! So I give up on sleep to be able to spend every second I can with her, cuz I never want her to say my mommy wasn't there for me. She already rarely sees her father, I don't want her to doubly feel that way.
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by Ashley on Oct. 15, 2012 at 3:34 PM
I'm more happy working. I tried the whole SAHM thing and I was miserable.
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by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 3:34 PM
Ahhh your credit cards are like our student loans. They are almost equal to our mortgage. If we didnt have them we would have a nice shiny new SUV. lol

Quoting Traci_Momof2:

First, it's hard to say where her logic is coming from without knowing what "everything" means to her.  Maybe it includes substantial retirement savings so her kids don't have to worry about supporting her and her DH in the later years.  Maybe "everything" includes college savings so her child won't have to work while going to college or won't have to take out loans.  Maybe "everything" does include big family vacations like Disney because she never got that herself as a kid.  There could be a lot of variables.

There could also be other stuff going on financially that you just don't know about.  DH and I are very private about our financial situation around family members.  We both make "good money" and really shouldn't feel like we are struggling.  However, we have this huge amount of credit card debt that we racked up in the early years of our marriage.  We joined a DMP and we are paying it off but it's essentially like having another mortgage.  I mean, our monthly mortgage for our house is $1900 and our monthly payment to the DMP is $1500.  Having that one extra payment makes a big difference.

When she says she wishes she could stay home, it could just be paying lip service.  Do you know much about her job?  I used to be in a bad work situation and I would always say "oh I wish I could stay home with the kids".  But that statement said a lot more about the miserable work conditions than it did about my true preference.  Now I am in a very good work situation and I don't say "I wish I could stay home" anymore.  On the contrary, I enjoy being a working mom.  I just wish there were a few more hours in the day to get things done. lol

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by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 3:38 PM

We could afford to scrape by on one income.  However, we want DD to go to private school, be able to go to kindermusic classes with me, dance, gymnastics, whatever she is into.  If I don't continue working, I will not have a job that pays so well, therefore, we cannot afford for me to quit.  She is well taken care of, enjoys going to school, is learning at a very fast pace, and making friends.  She gets me 100% when I am home.  I do my stuff when she goes to bed. 

by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 3:47 PM

She is envious and is just making herself sound self important, like she "carries" the lifestyle.  The truth is, most women who act like this, use that sentiment as a cover up so they don't look like bad moms to their SAHM friends.  She can't hack it as a SAHM and would rather work, that is what it boils down to and there is no shame in that, just call it what it is.   I called one of my working mom friends out on it one time.  She was really laying it on thick and I told her that she had choices and she could afford to stay at home (which she didn't deny), but chooses not to...HER choice and to stop trying to justify it, especially to me.  I told her I don't care how you take care of your family just that you do and you are all happy. She then started with the, "well, but you are so good at it" crap.  Yeah, the truth comes out finally, doesn't it.  I just wish people would just be who they be....

by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 4:04 PM
Some women just have no interest in being moms. It's a pity they don't realize that before they breed but I guess from a kids point of view it would be better to be raised by daycare than be raised by a so-called parent that has no interest in raising them.
by on Oct. 15, 2012 at 4:39 PM
I hate being a sahm.. so even if I were married and the hubs did make enough for me to stay home I still wouldn't want to.. guess i'm evil then huh? or just a shitty mom in some peoples eyes....
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