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Not understanding her logic at all ....not meant to offend anyone , just the way I feel !!

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Okay I have 5 kids and I've been a stay at home mom since our oldest was almost 2 ( that's when it was financially feasible for me to be ). My husband and I own our home and he makes decent money but we're not rich or anything  . I have a cousin who works and so does her husband and she only has 1 child . Her mortgage is a lot less than ours . She is CONSTANTLY saying how I am so lucky and she wishes that she could stay at home with her son . I always say " why don't you , you only have 1 and know you're not having anymore . He'll be in school in just a few short years , stay home with him for a bit " her response is well I would love to but I want to be able to give him everything so I have to work ...okay ? Are you implying that I'm not giving my kids everything because I stay home ? They play instruments , sports  etc .. they have a great time but MOST importantly they have me , there for them always 24 /7 . I mean does she really think when her son is older he is going to be happy that she worked 10 + hours a day . Does she really think that he is going to be happy that he got a  Disney vacation every year but rarely saw his mom during the week ? I mean I just don't get some peoples logic . If your family couldn't survive on only one income or you are a single parent and just can't do it , I totally understand and I get it . If you can easliy pay your bills, still save a little and live comfortably on one income for a few short years while your child is home , why wouldn't you ?

Wondering how others feel about this ?

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by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 9:14 AM
Replies (21-30):
shimmifairy
by Member on Jul. 23, 2012 at 9:50 AM
1 mom liked this

I have the same disagreement with my brother...For me, I am willing to put up with having less because I feel my kids need more of my time....For him, working long hours with lots of travel and making lots of money is the best way to see to his dd's needs...

I really don't agree with him, but it's his family so he gets to do it his way :)

Quoting MamaCass1219:

 You are absolutely right , I know she didn't mean to put me or my way of parenting down at all . I just dislike that comment , I guess . To presume that unless you're making a lot of money you couldn't already be giving your child " everything " . Also everything does mean something different to everyone , but still .... just my thoughts on it .

Quoting shimmifairy:

I think you might be taking her comment a little too personally....She didn't say that you weren't giving your kids everything....Also, "everything" means different things to different people...Also, though they have one kid, they may have more bills than your family and different goals....

I don't think she meant to disparrage your way of doing things....

 


kitty8199
by Ruby Member on Jul. 23, 2012 at 9:50 AM
I think she's placing more value on money and things, than time spent. Some people value things, some value time. For me, I value time while young, and things when she's old enough to enjoy them. She's 16 months. She'd rather have me, than a Disney trip now. When she's in school, we will miss that time anyway and it won't matter if I work. She has fun during my class and enjoys play time with others. So she gets both.
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momof2toeheads
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 9:52 AM
I say she doesn't really want to stay home. She just says that to ease her own inner guilt. She does not feel comfortable saying I would rather work. I give up a whole lot to just work PT so I can be there for mine. Girls at work are very jealous when I leave at 2:00 but I leave with no manicure, no pedicure, no new car, no new clothes and no thoughts of nights on the town. Its a personal choice and in my opinion she doesn't really want to give up "things" to do it.
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Arwyn724
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 9:55 AM
1 mom liked this

Do you know for sure she is only working to provide that Disney trip?  Maybe she contributes heavily to a 529, and sending her child to college means more to her than living with less and not working.  Maybe she enjoys her job, and the adult interaction she gets from it?  You do not have to sacrifice who you are just because you have children.  I've often said I'd have liked to stay home with my kids, but I never was able to.  They grew up just fine anyway.

MamaCass1219
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 10:10 AM

 I never said she only worked for Disney trips . I am sure she is saving for college too . Maybe she does enjoy her job and loves the adult interaction , but she is the one that complains all the time and always wishes you could stay home . That's what this post is about ..... Also I haven't sacrificed who I am just because I stay home with my children . That's an incredible assumption .

Quoting Arwyn724:

Do you know for sure she is only working to provide that Disney trip?  Maybe she contributes heavily to a 529, and sending her child to college means more to her than living with less and not working.  Maybe she enjoys her job, and the adult interaction she gets from it?  You do not have to sacrifice who you are just because you have children.  I've often said I'd have liked to stay home with my kids, but I never was able to.  They grew up just fine anyway.

 

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Lizardannie1966
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 10:14 AM

It sounds like you're being a little too sensitive and defensive toward her answer she gave honestly.

Not everyone chooses to stay home. It's their prerogative.

happymommy1105
by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2012 at 10:17 AM
Unless you live her life, you only know the picture she paints for you.

Not everybody shares the same value system you do. For some people trips are more important than staying at home.

You don't know the ins and outs of her life.
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Arwyn724
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 10:17 AM

All I know is that as a working mother, I sometimes feel the 'need' to complain to my SAHM friends, because they look down on the fact that not only do I need to work, I like to work.  Working moms are vilified by SAHM's all the time, like we should never have had children if we don't want to raise them, we aren't giving our children enough of our time, blah, blah, blah. I know it can go both ways, but I have NEVER called a SAHM lazy, where I have been called a bad mother, a materialistic mother, an uncaring mother, for working.

Quoting MamaCass1219:

 I never said she only worked for Disney trips . I am sure she is saving for college too . Maybe she does enjoy her job and loves the adult interaction , but she is the one that complains all the time and always wishes you could stay home . That's what this post is about ..... Also I haven't sacrificed who I am just because I stay home with my children . That's an incredible assumption .

Quoting Arwyn724:

Do you know for sure she is only working to provide that Disney trip?  Maybe she contributes heavily to a 529, and sending her child to college means more to her than living with less and not working.  Maybe she enjoys her job, and the adult interaction she gets from it?  You do not have to sacrifice who you are just because you have children.  I've often said I'd have liked to stay home with my kids, but I never was able to.  They grew up just fine anyway.

 


alinev
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 10:19 AM

Who knows? Maybe she is simply saying she wants to stay home to you because she cannot figure out how you get it done or she feels guilty when in your company. You do have five kids to her one. Maybe the truth is that she feels better with a second income, wants to get her house paid off and have a cushion in the bank. Maybe she just really likes to work. What people say to others is often not really their truth, but the truth of the moment. If she really wantd to stop working, she would. 

Quoting MamaCass1219:

 The thing with my cousin is they don't struggle at all . She is very frugal with her money , they have so much saved . They have no credit card debt . They could EASILY live off 1 income for a few years until their son starts school . It would be one thing if they were struggling and couldn't manage it ...ya know ?

Quoting eesmommy:

I agree with you. I have. a friend who is like your friend. Our dhs worked together for years and she always wondered how we could do itvon his salary, when they struggled with both of them working. Now, after years of watching she says she wishes she had stayed home to raise thier daughter instead of working.

 


notjstasocermom
by Samantha on Jul. 23, 2012 at 10:20 AM

my sister says crap like that. of course imo she has no room to talk, she has jumpe from guy to guy back to an older guy for the past 10 years. so she is less than stable. just cause she worked doesn't make her better than me, it just means i made better choices than her.

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