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Im so upset, i thought my husband was smarter than that. *RE-EDIT*

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 I just cant get over last night. We were making a special dinner, that we never ate, when dh opened the hot oven while our son was standing less than a foot away. And guess what an 18 month old would do? He grabbed the fucking hot oven rack and burnt the shit out of his hand. I dont understand how someone could think that was a good idea. We have gates to keep baby out when the oven is on, im not sure why he was standing next to the oven. And even so, why the hell would you open the oven and pull out the rack right next to a kid? I just got so pissed, i asked what the hell was wrong with him, why the hell he would do something like that. I ran some cool water to run his hand under, and sprayed some bactine on his hand. Then went about putting/throwing dinner away and cleaning the kitchen while dh tried consoling ds. I know it wasnt mature, but i just couldnt get over what just happened. Dh yelled at me that i wasnt making it any better, i said im sorry that administering some first aid for our son and bitching at my husband who just made a terrible mistake wasnt helping, but i wouldnt have the opportunity if he hadnt fucked up. I apologized a bit later for flipping out, i knew it was an accident, but god dammit you cant make those kinds of mistakes. I was just shaking. So this morning he barley said bye to me. Maybe i made a big deal out of it, but he didnt seem to make any deal of it, somewhere inbetween would have been good.

I did overreact, i did not scream or yell or cuss. I made sure my son had first aid, then dh consoled him. I needed to remove myself from the situation. I did not throw away all of the dinner, what could be saved was, and what couldnt, went in the garbage. I did talk calmly with dh and apologized for not being more understanding of him. But i just cant look over something like that. Im sure all of you would have said, "oh well, it happens, dont feel bad honey." But i think it was a SERIOUS oversight on his part, and i couldnt look the other way.

Dear lord, READ. I know this is a bash fest on how i reacted, i am not defending that, i know i could have done better. But i did NOT scream and yell, and i DID aplogize to my husband, i know it was a mistake.

Re-Edit: I want to thank all of you for replying, i had no idea i would recieve so many replies. Great support and sympathy. It is experiences like these that give us tools for life as a parent. I feel like now both my husband and i have a new experience to learn from. We have talked again and we have no hard feelings toward eachother about this whole thing. We are a partnership, and sometimes things arent perfect, but we vowed to support eachother. So, dh supports me even though i was an emotional mess, and i support him even though a bit of his carelessness resulted in my son being injured. And my son is ok, the majority of the burn was only on one finger, the rest are just a bit red and shiny. The one with the blister is being taken care of the best i can. Keeping it bandaged/clean is tough on an 18 month old. I think he has forgiven us:)

by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 10:57 AM
Replies (491-500):
AngelPooh
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 11:34 PM

there's no reason for a "bash fest". Things happen, we get upset, if you cant vent about it here then where can you? maybe venting and realizing what you both did will prevent it from ever happening again so another accident wont happen in quite the same way. i feel that i am "safer" than my dh but who knows... maybe the kids are learning how to take risks and try new things more because of his more laid-back approach. time shall tell. i'm sorry any child got hurt but everyone will get over it. it's ok to feel bad for a bit, like i said maybe it will make him be more aware and careful next time and you not over react next time. lets face it.... with kids, there's always a "next time"! lol

Abcannedy
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 11:39 PM
Don't apologize for the way you reacted. It happens. We are so super sensitive to our kids' hurts and pains! Your reaction was human. And anyone who says it wasn't is lying. We've all overracted to our husbands oversights. Give me a break to all those who say "you should have handled it differently" y'all weren't there so zip it. And I would have thrown all that damn food in the trash, too.
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crzycky
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 11:40 PM

This except I would have stayed pissed at him! Lol!!

Quoting WendyJR:

I probably would have reacted the same way you did. I have no patience when dh disregards safety for the kids.

With that said us as mothers are usually 2-3 steps ahead of our kids so yes we would know that that oven door looks like a good thing to touch to a little kid. I know my dh doesnt think that far ahead. Not that it's an excuse--more of a flaw.
Hope your little one feels better. Burns suck.


helema24
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 11:44 PM

you reacted just as many of the rest of us would. but  you did it in a calmer manner than most men would. my husband DID cuss me out and berate me and call me out my name even told my father that he wanted to devorce me...over what? my 4 year old slammed my 3 year olds finger in a door ripping most of the pad off to the bone while i was changeing out the laundry!! my daughter even told my husband she saw mechangeing it out... but i still got yelled at n made feel like a bad mother and he was pissed more so that i didnt let him take our son alone to the er cause he would bad mouth me the whole time. mind you i was 37 weeks pregnant and the stress of the amount of blood i saw and haveing to wrap the finger to keep it from bleeding too much and other things that stressed me out caused me to have contractions. what he did was wrong what you did was normal and at least u apologised my dh never really apologised fully.

takingcareofme
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 11:45 PM
2 moms liked this

I feel sad reading some of the replies. I'm really sorry to hear what happened. Accidents do happen, and we don't always react/respond in the ideal way. That's why we're imperfect human beings.   I feel sad that others feel that it's ok to judge you. We have all had our "less than perfect parenting moments." It seems like you just needed to vent because you were having strong feelings.

 I don't want to be a perfect parent (like it's even a possibility!). Some of the best connections I have had with my kids have been after I have gotten upset, and we have talked about it, and I have apologized. One of the best things I can show my kids is how to apologize, and make things right after making a mistake. Those are the skills I want my kids to have.

I'm glad there is a place where you could vent. My hope is that you feel better and you received the support you were looking for.

JJDSilva
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 11:57 PM
Well, I dont know how many times I feel like throwing the nearest object at my dh for sometimes overseeing some of the dangers im 5 steps ahead of. My dd rolled off the bed for the first time ever at 5 months. I dont k.ow how many times I told my dh to never ever leave her alone while changing her because she was rolling over already. I always made sure to tell him to get everything.he needed before he put her on the bed. Well, we all make stupid mistakes and yes my dd rolled right off the bed and onto tiled floor. We have a very high king bed so she got a very good bump on her head, nothing and no long lasting effects. Trust me when I tell you between hormones and horror it took all of me not to claw his face off, but in situations like these, you have to keep gour cool. Shit happens, you cant take it back. I didnt lose my cool or scream, just made sure my dd was okay and comforted. My dh felt bad enough without me making it any worse. If I had screamed or confronted him I would have 1, been neglecting the needs of my dh, 2 stayed pissed off because I still was no matter what, 3 piss my dh off too and lose his support in future things because of a childish reaction and 4 lose time because I couldnt take it back no matter how much I wanted to. Suck it up hun, you.cant take it all back, you made aistake as well, im sure your dh will be 100% on the ball from now on. Theyre men, they dont have our sixth sense for seeing thi.gs happen ahead of time. Cut him some slack and try and keep a level head next time something happens which I hope it doesnt. Hope your baby feels better soon and cheer up, time heals everything, outside and in. good luck!
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jacqeline1962
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 11:57 PM
1 mom liked this

Part of the problem is, rather than TEACHING the child that the oven is hot, you use a baby gate to keep him away.  You said you didn't cuss at him, and yet your own words show that you did.

Maybe you need to teach him that HOT is bad, and then he can be in ANY kitchen and know not to go near the stove.

 

malissaL
by Malissa on Jul. 23, 2012 at 11:58 PM

I hope your little one's hand feels better :(  you reacted how you did because your baby burning hisself on the oven is something you have had a fear about since he started crawling and daddy was not thinking that he would grab the rack, and he also didn't have a hand free to stop him. I'm sure he feels bad. Give them both a big hug and be thankful it was not as bad as it could have been. I can guarantee nothing like this will ever happen again 

(((hugs)))

melrock13
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 11:58 PM
1 mom liked this
I get it, u want your hubby to be as observant as you are when it comes to your son. You felt he wasnt and you got mad. But i dont think men, even the most nurturing and caring ones are wired the same as us. Not that men are careless or that accidents dont happen on moms watch just that they tend to have different protective instincts. Now ill admit when i 1st read ur post i said what a bit*h, but than i thought about myself and my baby isnt even born yet and ive been guilty of goin off going off the deep end on my dh myself so lets give her a break ladies and mayb just give her tips on how to handle those types of situations better and ideas on how to better saw sorry to her hubby for getting so angry. Id say mayb put ur ds son for a nap b4 dh gets home from work and wear something sexy. lol that could just me, thats how i tend to say sorry to my dh, he seems to like it. And im sure most of us ladies have over reacted or gotten angry for no good reason at our dh's, so's or what not before in our life time so lets help and not judge. I once threw away (actually threw on the floor) an entire dinner years ago cuz i was so angry at my husband, i was young and it was either throw it on the floor or at his head, i chose the floor. And we were pretty broke at the time, i felt bad afterwards but sometimes emotion takes you. She didnt get mad in front of her ds and she salvaged most of the dinner and she apologized, so make sure your dh knows your sorry and that youll try to be better if another accident happens and im sure he'll come around in know time. Try not to use words like "well if you hadnt or you should of" , try to avoid blame and youll be good. Hope ur lil guy feels better soon.
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JJDSilva
by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 11:59 PM
Lol sorry that was neglecting the needs of my dd! : )


Quoting JJDSilva:

Well, I dont know how many times I feel like throwing the nearest object at my dh for sometimes overseeing some of the dangers im 5 steps ahead of. My dd rolled off the bed for the first time ever at 5 months. I dont k.ow how many times I told my dh to never ever leave her alone while changing her because she was rolling over already. I always made sure to tell him to get everything.he needed before he put her on the bed. Well, we all make stupid mistakes and yes my dd rolled right off the bed and onto tiled floor. We have a very high king bed so she got a very good bump on her head, nothing and no long lasting effects. Trust me when I tell you between hormones and horror it took all of me not to claw his face off, but in situations like these, you have to keep gour cool. Shit happens, you cant take it back. I didnt lose my cool or scream, just made sure my dd was okay and comforted. My dh felt bad enough without me making it any worse. If I had screamed or confronted him I would have 1, been neglecting the needs of my dh, 2 stayed pissed off because I still was no matter what, 3 piss my dh off too and lose his support in future things because of a childish reaction and 4 lose time because I couldnt take it back no matter how much I wanted to. Suck it up hun, you.cant take it all back, you made aistake as well, im sure your dh will be 100% on the ball from now on. Theyre men, they dont have our sixth sense for seeing thi.gs happen ahead of time. Cut him some slack and try and keep a level head next time something happens which I hope it doesnt. Hope your baby feels better soon and cheer up, time heals everything, outside and in. good luck!

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