Chris Post 3 update 3/28 HUGE UPDATE
Okay so I was trying to keep this in the last post but there is a 30,000 word limit and no matter what I do, what small updates I cut, it will not let me post the new update. So I know you all wanted me to stay in the same post, but that just can't happen I guess. So here it is
We talked to a lawyer today. We thought it best to seek legal council since it has been a month and still no news about what is happening with the test other than "I'm working on it" which after a month is not enough of an update at all. Within 5 minutes he found the instructions to go about it, basically call a number they'll set it up! He also found a few of the laws on fathers and paternity which will be helpful later on, and a form to fill out that will help a fire under her butt and prevent the adoption by grandma just in case this is being delayed in order to help her case. Which by the way, they are with grandma full time now, something that the case worker had said would not happen as she thought grandma had an unhealthy relationship with the boys. Yet we found out last week from the foster mom that she no longer has the boys, the case worker did not even update us herself!This whole thing is just very very frustrating and I had thought that being granted this test would speed things up. Guess not. On B we have the first of many meetings with the foster license case worker next week sometimes :) So progress is being made there, hope to have that done in time to get him when we get C!
We had our first meeting for the foster license on Tuesday, she is a really nice lady. Seems like all is going good, she was talking about like 6 weeks or so after we do our FBI testing that we'll be approved, and shouldn't be too long after that, that we can get Blaik. Which we have appts for that today (DH's) and Monday (mine) so YAY!
Then I talked to the Compay Commander of my husband's unit. We've been having some pay issues and I felt like after a year and a half of it happening I needed to take it up higher than what my husband could do by himself, and this guy is new (2 weeks) and so he is more than happy to help me and can't believe that it went as long as it did. While I was there I was trying to figure out what is going on with PTA (training) since my husband is supposed to leave Sep 12th and not be back until October 6th. RIght smack dab in the middle of all this! Not to mention my medical problem right now (which I didn't bring up to the company commander but just may have to, first appointment is today so we'll see how I do.) I need physical therapy 3x a week, and know from experience with doctors manipulating my neck and shoulder, it will cause a horrible migraine which will make it hard to drive home let a lone care for my son. But I am trying to find a back up before trying to get my husband to stay, just hard when we don't know many people.
Anyway back to the boys. So the commander told me to insist that the case worker figure this out a bit more before he decided about the training. So I emailed her and my husband texted her to please check her email that it was important. She texted back that she was talking to the county attorney about all of it, and that it might be better if we called as well (which is hard to do considering time difference, my husband working, and my husband feeling like it's his son he should do the calling) so we're hoping to call early this afternoon on the way to my husband's appt.
She did email this morning saying that she did talk to the county attorney and he is requesting that his lawyer get involved in all this. So hopefully that will get results, and that she is not sure that anything will be happening at all in September so that makes me a little mad, this is a lot of wasted time!!!
A lot of time sitting on our asses doing nothing! This process is already long enough as is, without months of sitting around doing nothing!! The stress of this whole thing is killing my milk supply for my son, and we really could just use some answers and some progress!!!
No new update about the test :( getting more than a tad annoying! But just keep asking about it and hope for answers soon!However we do have the first home meeting for our home study tomorrow!!! I'm nervous and worried! I think we have like 2 documents still missing, (D's birth certificate (waiting on his home state to send it) and then the safety for our car ( I can not medically drive right now and his work schedule has made this hard) Plus we both need physcials and TB tests... grrr... I was just reading the packet again today.
Sadly for the past few weeks this has taken a back burner. My husband was diagnosed with what is strongly believed to be Type 1 diabetes, they know for sure diabetes just not complete on what type yet. So he has been sick off and on, been worried about him like crazy. Trying to get work to go easy on him, had to talk to his unit about him not going for training during the middle of this custody battle and had just gotten approved the night before he started vomiting on the PT field.
I'm just worried that she is going to think that we don't want them because this isn't all done, but it had all been planned to get down, I've had an appointement for my physical twice now, had to cancel each time for a sudden appointment of my husband's. (sugar dipping too low or spiking too high)
Plus baby and I have been sick all week (him a horrid cold that he then passed on to me, and me the flu so bad I was in ER with dehydraton), this house is not trashed, but not where I want it to be when she comes and don't ya know but D is working all day again so I'm on my own to get it back up to where I want it with a child who is still getting over a cold and is clingy and grumpy!!
I think that went pretty well, we had a few things more to give her and she seemed okay about it all. She did a quick peek at the house, didn't mention anything that needed fixed besides a gun safe for the BB gun. We did my quick interview, which I think went fairly well although I do have a kind of messed up back ground which I didn't lie about. SO I think it's all good, just need to make an appointment for the physicals and then we're good. She is very concerned that the test has not happened yet and thinks that we need to go a hold of a supervisor. But no concerns towards us.
We emailed the case worker and got a response about how she is now just "mentoring" this case and we need to refer to the new case worker. Which really upset my husband because we had not been informed of a new case worker, nor had the new case worker emailed us. So he got very upset and asked about the supervisor. I called her the next day, a little too late to do when we got the email. And of course she didn't answer, our case worker never does either. Had to wait out the weekend to call again, but she did answer that time for Derek. She answered a lot of questions, um I guess they need to do a test on the "legal" father who's in jail for the abuse. But for some reason (we believe probably grandma) the County Attorney has prevented them from talking to him. He had been willing to sign off all rights to us, but then they have been ordered to have no contact with him. And our court order for the paternity test had stated that he would get tested first and if he was found to not be the father then our test would happen. So that has thrown a GIANT wrench in the plans. However she is working with a laywer (3 hours away due to case load in the area I guess) to get it fixed, it's just slow going. If the supervisor can not get it fixed before the court date on October 9th, then she will use that time to get the judge to reword and fix the problem.
She said that we are looking at about 3-6 months before the boys are here. But had mentioned that Derek if found to be the father could go and pick up Chris at that point. SO we may do that in order to transition one child into the house, get us all on the same schedule (and deal with a 6 hour time difference) one at a time instead of two right away. Which we think may be better for the boys anyway.
Um sorry it's been a long week and I just realized I didn't update you guys, and I know several of you really like the updates and think about the situation from time to time so I wanted to make sure you all get the update, but I have to remember what all happened with the case this week. :)
I then emailed the case worker (because Ididn't have the new ones email) and I had a few questions my husband had forgotten to ask (he called during a quick smoke break) and got a seemingly upset email back (she usually uses a TON of exclamation points and this email had none lol and was worded more formal)
But still as of yet, no email, no contact with the new worker, do have the supervisors number and email now and she said she's been working on the case a ton as our old worker has been sick a lot lately. So hopefully with a 3 person team this all starts to straighten out and get done.
We approached the topic of getting to talk to the children, as I feel the transition will be harder if they have no clue who we are ya know, and the case worker here in Hawaii had brought that up. The case worker said that we will start that once the test is back and it is proven D is the father, so I'm looking forward to that, I know they are young but they already hold a special place in my heart and getting to talk to and know them will be amazing. If ya know, the 3 year old will sit down and talk on the phone or skype and I have no real hope that C will, being only 1 but they'll be able to hear us. And maybe this will help the relationship with grandma.
Also we had an altercation with the mother. She (Well her mom) texted asking for money to get her to the new babies doctor appointment (She's due this winter) and her mom to work and neither liked taking no for an answer. The exchange on their part proved that they are not (her nor her mother) mature enough to be in the chlidren's lives at this point. And in a way made me glad for the grandma who has them now, because at least they are not in that environment with adults acting like children. She still thinks that she will get the boys back "if I wanted to" and to hear her say pretty much that she doesn't want to gave me mix emotions.
First I was upset because what kind of mother does not want her children although she is not a good mother at all so why I was surprised I don't know. However I then looked at it as maybe she didn't want them right now because she knows it's not the best place for them, and I'm trying to take it as that. That she knows her life is not the best for the boys.
We of course did not send her money, I feel a tiny bit bad because I feel like that hurts her unborn child, but we are spending so much on the homestudy for the boys, and getting our house ready for them, that I can not let myself feel that way. It is not our job to take care of her problems or fix them. Just to be here for the two boys. Possibly the baby on the way, rumor is she'll loose it, and if CPS calls us about that one, maybe we'll be here, we've discussed it a bit, because it is a sibling of the other two, and we do kind of want to keep them together. But 4 kids 4 and under would be crazy!!! We do eventually want a daughter, and plan to adopt one, but just not sure if we could do another child at this moment, but we'll see how it all goes.
Well that's the update, not sure when the next will be. I plan on taking our son back to our home state for two weeks. My husband can not get leave, and we don't want to use his leave in case we need it for the boys anyway. So I'll be taking a break from this situation and my husband's stressful work to just recoup as you can imagine, the situation is beyond stressful. It's starting to effect my milk supply, and through that my son. Which I can not let just happen. He has refused to nurse since birth, and so I pump which puts us already at a disadvantage due to when you pump your supply is finicky already. I barely make enough for him right now and sometimes have to use the frozen supply. I am determined to make it to a year so, I need to destress, eat better and take better care of myself and having my support system all around me should help kick my supply back up and help greatly!
Happy dance over here!!! Started out with a grumpy dance but got better lol! So I wake up to this email
Good morning! Court has been continued due to not having the paternity testing issued in time for my court report and case plan, it has been reset for January 2, 2013. There is no new information at this time, I will contact you if anything comes up! Thank you,
And promptly freaked out!!! WHAT! This court was yes originally for them to talk about their plan after the test, but then was going to be used to fix the court order! So I had no clue what was going on! SO I emailed, when an hour later I had no response, my grumpy worried self just had to call!
She informed me that they already fixed the court order, WE HAVE THE GO AHEAD TO GET A TEST DONE! That she is working on that paperwork and getting it all set up since it will have to be done out of state, and that she is thinking maybe within the next week or two. However she has never done this, so she doesn't want to get our hopes up and is going to call her supervisor and discuss it with her so that she can give us more concrete (if there is such a thing lol) information about all this.
I am so happy right now, I know Derek will be when he gets home from work! Thank you again for all the good luck and prayers, it's all starting to pay off!
C's test was done on the 14th, and according to the guy doing the testing, results will be coming in about 4-6 weeks. This test will be to match C's DNA to his "legal" father, the man in jail. Once that test is done they will then attempt to match C to my husband. However, unfortunetly, since they are not doing it both at the same time, there is no way (unless by a miracle it does not take 4 weeks) that the last test will be done confirming D as the father by January 2nd, which is the next court date. At which point we will have to wait even longer for a date to be set and a judge to pretty much hand over our son. They will not be here for the holidays and we will not be able to send them gifts for the holiday either. Their grandmother (from the sounds of it) will not allow it. I asked the case worker (who is new and appears to more on her side than ours, which is way different than the other two so I'm not sure what Grandma has done to pull the wool over the eyes of this one.) if it would be okay to email grandma again, if grandma had calmed down.
She said that she didn't see any reason why Grandma would not reply... well she didn't so I emailed the caseworker to ask about an update and getting pictures and inform her that grandma still was not working with us. Caseworker said grandma said no to pictures out right as she doesn't feel comfortable sending pictures until the test comes back. Probably because I refused to send pictures of our son Alijah. I didn't feel that she needed one, although I had stated that they look very very similar. And seeing as how she has no claim to him, it wasn't neccessary to send pictures of him to her. I can understand where she is coming from, obviously since I didn't send her pictures of ours. However, can't she put herself in our shoes, can't she understand how we feel, and that we just want to have those memories. I was not asking for a million pictures or everyday pictures. I just wanted 1 or 2 of his birthday, and of halloween. Things for his memory book. I'm not sure we'll ever see them.
The case worker did not come right out and say that grandma said no about presents being sent. ( I was already given her address I could if I wanted to, I don't think she remembers she gave it to us) but she did say that she would have to talk to her supervisor about all that. Kind of made it sound like grandma had a problem with that too, that it would all have to go through them. Not sure we want to jump through those hoops seeing as how it sounds like Grandma may not even give to them.
But that is a small update, wont hear more from me for about a month as there really isn't anything else new. Oh except A did have her 3rd son this month, and she did get to leave the hospital with him. So please prayers, good thoughts, whatever you do, please do so for her and her new son. That she may be in a better place, that she can love cherish, and support this child. That he may be safe and well taken care of, with all the love and respect that a child deserves.
SO it's been a long time with no update, but there really was nothing update worthy. NOW THERE IS!
The first test has finally came back, we didn't hear about it from our case worker :( and are very disgruntled and intend to call the supervisor tomorrow. However the mom got a letter in the mail informing her that the test came back negative and that the state intends to proceed with D's test!
The case worker we talked to this week did say that court is set for after the first of the year to get D's court order as i guess the last one did not cover it or something I'm not even sure what all is going on as communication is lacking. Glad D is on leave so we can address the issue tomorrow. Just SO EXCITED, that we have overcome the biggest obstacle as now grandma should have no say in the legal proceedings from her on out and shouldn't be holding things up anymore. Thank you all so much for your thoughts and good luck! I'm sure it has helped us get to this point! Hoping it all speeds up from here, one more test, a month wait for results and then they should be home safe here with us!
Finally the moment we have all been waiting for!!!! DH's test has finally been ordered!!! She called today as she was putting it in the computer. She said we should recieve a letter in the mail in about a week saying when and where, maybe a week for the date, 2 weeks for the results, then a week or two for court... so about 4 weeks before we could be standing in court talking to a judge about getting custody!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!
Now that it's getting closer I'm having a mini panic attack! Dh and I are going to take our tax return, and be in Nebraska for the next court date. Even if we can not leave there with C, we can at least get some visitation I'd imagine... hands are shaking thinking about it. To finally be able to hold this sweet boy, and to be this close to finally having him home here safe!
Speaking of safe the case worker also said that she would be closely monitering the situation about legal father aka jailbird getting out. Unexpected visits etc to make sure that he is not going around the house. So that puts us at ease a little bit.
Thank you all so much for your prayers and good thoughts, they are for sure working and helping, please keep them coming! I hope to be able to report soon that the test came back postive and we are picking up the boys!
FInally we have a date for the test!! Our paperwork got lost, so case worker was almost about to resend everything when it finally got found and dealt with. She called us back this morning and left a message. We now have a date set for end of this month. Should have results two weeks after that, and hope to have court set as well. Then we will fly to Nebraska and be there for court! Just was so happy and relieved to have the date set finally! Going to get a letter in the mail with more details (like where lol) but I had called for an update and she wanted to make sure we knew that a date was set! It's been almost a year since we started this part of our journey with CPS, been 2 years since the first time we saw a lawyer, C is almost 2 years old and I pray pray pray that we will have him here for his 2nd brithday (in july). In the mean time it's our youngests first birthday this weekend!! Where has all this time gone!!
3/3/13 Update 9 more days till earliest results!
But i've still been checking the mail everyday hoping that we'll get the letter about it early! However i do have a small update on the condition of C. Remember he has shaken baby syndrome and we were not really told all of the long lasting effects of that. We were told that CPS will let us know more about that once the test comes back. However we have been talking to the grandma who takes care of them lately. I think she hasa finally realized that we will be getting at least C and so we need to start forming a relationship and trusting each other. Keep in mind she has lied recently (in the same paragraph even....) so I'm trying to take what she says with a little bit of hesitation that it might be worse, but it might also be better than what she is saying because she might be wanting it to sound worse than it is to scare us off maybe.
Anyway, she says that he is WALKING!! That is a big thing for kids with shaken baby! And last we heard he was still just crawling, which he didn't learn how to do till his first birthday. He does physical therapy for it because his left leg turns/swings out when he walks but it's still so amazing to hear that he is walking!
He I guess has had a lot of ear problems as they just put in tubes, and because of all that he has speech delays. He does speech therapy and early advance schooling for it at his daycare. Still not a big deal, I deal with screams and pointing right now anyway with Alijah lol.
The thing that scares me a little is that she did say that he does have on average 3-4 seizures per day. He sees his neurologist on the 7th, so please keep him in your prayers that they can figure out a better dose of his medication or a new one that will help with these. Why it scares me is because I've never dealt with seizures before but I'm sure that we'll talk with doctors and be taught how to handle them before we take him home.
Other than that he sounds like your normal 19 month old. Loves cars and dogs and happy. Can not wait to get results back and fly to Nebraska to see them.