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Sense of Entitlement? **UPDATE**

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My parents have spent more than $50k on my brother and his fuck ups over the last 2 years. He continues to make the same mistakes and my parents keep bailing him out. He is 36 with two kids and living with the mother (no cs to pay).

I, on the other hand, have always been good with money. We decided last year we wanted to move home so we could be close to our families. In order to do so we brought $4k to the table when we sold our house and DH left a $100k job. But it was ok because we knew the trade off was worth it.

DH is now self employed and we cannot buy a house. We can pay for a house, we have great credit, and we have always been responsible for our bills.

We live in the house we want to buy but stand to loose it (and $3000 we paid toward future down payment) if we cannot qualify this year or next. There is a good chance we still will not qualify next year because of the all the tax right offs that we need for DH"s business.

We asked my parents once for a co-sign and my mom said no because my brother fucked up her credit and she finally got it repaired. Just recently they paid for a $6k car for him to drive to and from work.

I don't think my parents are required to co-sign for us. BUT I don't think it's fair that they are doing all of this for my brother and not even giving my request any consideration.

Our mortgage would be $1k a month (including tax and insurance) and we have one newer vehicle that is completely paid for. If things went south DH and I would still have the means to make a house payment.

NOw that they have bought my brother a car (again!) I am thinking of asking AGAIN for them to co-sign.

Would you? and Would you be pissed if they said no? We would re-fi to get their name off of it asap. HOwever, with our credit the way it is, it may actually help build their credit even more if they stay on! Just sayin...


**** I asked. My mom was very understanding but unfortunately it's not just her decision. She said she would do it in a heartbeat but my dad is standing firm. His reasoning? Because he has already been burned by my brother (yet he still continues to bail him out of every financial situation). We didn't beg, but I made it very clear that we have a large down payment (20k) and that we have a reliable car that is paid off. If things ever went south we have transportation to get to and from work to make a $1000 a month mortgage payment. We can't even RENT for that cheap around here. I also explained that DH and I would switch all of our life insurance policies to add them as primary beneficiaries if heaven forbid DH and I were ever killed in a car accident.. they would have the cash needed to pay for the house.

My dad won't budge. Even though my brother is living in a mobile home that my dad bought and driving a car that my dad bought and paid cash for. I'm not even asking for money!

I would also like to say that us not being able to buy the house right now has nothing to do with the amount of income we have. It has to do with not being able to PROVE our income. INterest rates right now are at 3.75%. NO telling what will change between now and next year, but we just found out that the landlords are not willing to extend our lease (because they need to sell it) and we will have to move... again.

I am so bummed =(

by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 10:37 AM
Replies (61-70):
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 6:38 PM

You're right. My parents don't owe me anything. And I don't owe them the time and effort it takes to provide them with companionship and grandchildren. I demand to be treated equally, as should she. I demand fair treatment for ALL of us. When my dad gave my brother and I 200,000 for a down payment on a home, we made sure that he provided the same for my sister, whom my dad was currently on the outs with because she was in a realtionship w/ a black man. If you think that unfair treatment is okay and wish to be a doormat, that's fine. But others don't....To each his own....

Quoting BettyBoop8:

Your parent's friends are right.  You "demanded" that your parents provide something for you or your kids?  Your parents don't owe you anything.  If they choose to give more money to your brother, that is their right.  Same answer if they chose to give all of their money to a complete stranger.  It is theirs to do with as they please.

Not agreeing to co-sign for op is not "mistreating" her.  Her parents do not owe her anything either.  I would also note that her parents helped her out with the downpayment on her first home.  She is complaining because they have done more for her brother than they have done for her.  It's their money/credit.  She has absolutely no claim to it.

Seriously, you both should grow up.

BTW -- also have a brother who was given way more than the other siblings by my parents.  Couldn't care less.  Not my money.

Quoting ajb2750:

I, too, have a brother who is treated exponentially better than the rest of us. We have dubbed him, "The Golden Penis." He is, by far, the biggest piece of shit excuse for a human I have ever seen in my life. Yet my parents spend probably twenty times more on him than any of us girls. I have been accused of being spoiled by my parent's friends when I've demanded my parents provide something for myself or my kids. But the bottom line is that it is no one else's business. I think if you are being mistreated, you have every right to stand up for yourself and your family. If that doesn't work, you might ask the bank if you could purchase the home w/ a bigger down payment. Sell the newer vehicle and use the money to increase your amount down. If you can come up w/ 20% down, I highly doubt you'd have trouble finding someone to finance. Then after that loan is approved you can turn around and get another vehicle. Vehicle loans are much easier to obtain than morgages.


by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 6:43 PM

You are not alone in this type of situations. My parents help my sister out all the time , I asked my dad to borrow money to pay for a ticket (DH is a driver and we needed to pay the ticket asap) he told me he didn't have it. Next thing I found out was that he bought my sister plane tickets to go spend Xmas back home. I know sometimes we need a helping hand but I stopped asking my parents for help, I prefer to go hungry than ask them for money.If I was you I wouldn't ask them for help

by Silver Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 6:58 PM

I agree, it's not fair that they bail your brother out, and the one time you ask for help you get none..

but, it is there money...

is there a way you can put a larger downpayment down on the house for now?

by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 7:06 PM

Been there, lived that and moved on. I was always keeping tabs on what my dad and stepmom bought for the boys and what they got me. The boys always got more than me. I was bitter and knew I was wrong for it. Then my dad surprised me with help on a down payment for our house. I swore right then and there I was done, even when I had to sign a document stating my inheritance would be so much less than the boys because of the down payment (that was offered to me not asked for). I was fine with it then and I am still fine with it now. I stopped keeping tabs and I am happier. I did get upset a month ago when they gave their car to my brother that I wanted to BUY from them, but I let it go and moved on. He needed it, I didn't (it was just going to be a second car for me). 

I wouldn't have asked again, but you did. If I were you I would not get mad if they turn you down though. I would just suck it up and move on, because after all, in the end you and your husband are the one's who put yourselves in the position of risking $3000, not your parents.

by Gold Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 7:09 PM
Co-signing is a huge commitment. I would never do it. If you get behind, they'll be on the hook also.

I get the moocher thing...I really do. SIL lived off MIL for years. But you are asking them to go from one bad financial decision to another. Rent until you can buy a home.

Just be glad you aren't codependent and work on your own stuff.
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by Silver Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 7:21 PM

I really understand your situation. My father and step-mother constantly helped her children, my step-sister and step-brother. While they did once help us with a small gift to help us buy our first home, there was certainly no fairness as they were always giving them money, help, or once, in the case of my step-brother, a house outright. It was particularly frustrating as the money they had was mostly earned by or from my father's resources. When my father died my step-mother even gave her relatives some personal items that had been promised to my son and myself. We don't see the step-family now and expect that when my step-mother dies the assets left will go exclusively to her children and grandchildren and nothing will come to my son as my father promised him. As maddeningly unfair as it all is there is nothing you can do and while I hope your parents step up and offer you the help for which you are asking I would say not to expect it and just hope it will happen for you.

by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 7:26 PM

Actually, when you have "family money" at stake, then yes, you technically are entitled to your share. Much like when one of the Hilton elders tried to cut the kids out of the will and the courts wouldn't allow it and gave it to the children. The concept of the family estate is unfortunately lost on many in this era. Whatever. We have land and assets that have been in our family since before the Civil War, so I will be damned if my children will get less because grandaddy has a weird obsession / his loser son.....

Quoting :

by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 7:31 PM
my mom said yes. my dad said no. i am not surprised his response was he had already been burned... by my brother =( My mom reminded him that I am responsible and said she will talk to him... but im not holding my breath. forgot to mention... the mobile home my brother lives in was bought for him. My dad insisted since my brothers gas and electric were really expensive at the rental he lived in previously. and i cant even get a signature. i just want to cry right now = ( Sometimes i just sit and wonder what i did to make my dad dislike me so much. it really hurts.
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by Bronze Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 7:37 PM
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I have never asked my family for anything. Dh & I have sacrificed a lot to give our kids what they need. My brother was supposed to pay my grandparents a couple grand back for a loan he took out & never did. My grandpa had the nerve to tell me (out of the blue, might I add) that I better never ask him for money because he won't help me. Okay wtf did I do?! Haven't talked to my grandparents since because of that & other things they have assumed about me. Anyways if your parents already said no, I would just let it go. Feel proud that you aren't your brother & find a way to do it yourself so your parents can see that one of their kids turned out great! Good luck!
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by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 7:39 PM
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I am an adult and I do things on my own.

Just because your brother is a mooch doesn't mean you should be.
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