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Frustrated and wanting opinions

Posted by on Sep. 12, 2012 at 1:58 PM
  • 15 Replies

Heres the situation..
Option one: my ex is USAF and currently stationed overseas, next summer he will be relocated stateside and wants me to move me our two kids and my fiancee and our newborn to where he is. This wasnt a terrible idea before he left (we dont love the town we live in and wouldnt mind a start over.) but while he's been gone he rarely calls the kids, and when he does he wants to talk to me more than them about what ifs and maybe we coulda tried crap.

Option two: My sister in law to be and i are both photographers and she asked me to go into business and open a studio together, our own space and all, basically a dream come true for both of us. Id make more money and live in a town that i do really like, that fiancee grew up in, his family is all very loving and supportive and it seems kind of perfect, BUUUUTTTTT...

I feel like im being selfish if i can move my kids close to their dad, even if he doesnt put a ton of time into a relationship with them (even when he's in the states he has better things to do on leave and generally sees the kids a 3-5 days out of 2 weeks.) Im really torn between a better life financially and stability wise for me and my whole family and having my kids close to their father. Opinions...?

by on Sep. 12, 2012 at 1:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
ProudMom9799
by on Sep. 12, 2012 at 2:03 PM

 I vote option 2

FooLynRoo
by on Sep. 12, 2012 at 2:06 PM

Difficult, I would probably side with the idea of building on your life first and foremost.


If he wants a relationship with his children, he can have one - he just has to work harder at it.

Sucks but that's what happens when have children and divorce.. sometimes.

MicheleJM
by Platinum Member on Sep. 12, 2012 at 2:09 PM

IDK really what to tell you. 3-5 days out of  two weeks isn't bad.  My ex sees his kids every other weekend.  He also doesn't call very much nor do the kids call him often.  We live in separate towns.  It is something that you and your ex will have to work out.  Will your ex stay in the military? You have to decide if a life of moving with him if he moves about is feasible.  Can he move closer to you? Is opening a studio with your sister feasible? And importantly, do your kids have a close relationship with their dad and will they be upset if that is taken away from them?  I can't move away from my ex more than I have but even if I could I wouldn't.  But the kids have an established relationship which I don't want to end.

jhslove
by Bronze Member on Sep. 12, 2012 at 2:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Option Two, definitely! It would be one thing if he were an involved and supportive father, but if he's not.....why would you uproot your kids, put them in financial risk, and put them in the position of having an unhappy mom, all so that they could be nearer to an absentee father? And I have to wonder if maybe he has some ulterior motives behind wanting you to move closer to him. Maybe rather than it being truly for the kids, he's hoping you'll ditch your fiance and get back together with him instead?

Trust me, they'll get a lot more out of having a happy mom, financial security, a good town for your family, and having a loving, supportive family network. If your ex wants a relationship with them, he'll just have to work harder at it......but I would think that if he really wants what's best for them, he'd be willing to do that.

Robin_TripleA
by on Sep. 12, 2012 at 2:12 PM
Option 2. Simply because he could move around in that job field. Are you willing to follow your ex everywhere?

What does your fiancé think?
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julienichel
by Bronze Member on Sep. 12, 2012 at 2:13 PM

he's only been home twice in the last year, if it were me i would have wanted more time than that was all i meant, typically i think its a fine schedual but when you only see them one or twice a year id make more time for them in person i think.

Quoting MicheleJM:

IDK really what to tell you. 3-5 days out of  two weeks isn't bad.  My ex sees his kids every other weekend.  He also doesn't call very much nor do the kids call him often.  We live in separate towns.  It is something that you and your ex will have to work out.  Will your ex stay in the military? You have to decide if a life of moving with him if he moves about is feasible.  Can he move closer to you? Is opening a studio with your sister feasible? And importantly, do your kids have a close relationship with their dad and will they be upset if that is taken away from them?  I can't move away from my ex more than I have but even if I could I wouldn't.  But the kids have an established relationship which I don't want to end.


jjessers
by Gold Member on Sep. 12, 2012 at 2:13 PM
I agree. Its great the your ex wants to have you and kids around. Yet seems weird he talks to you more than the kids.
You need to move on with YOUR life with your df and children.
Your ex will just have to do his best in seeing his kids. Plus making sure he talks to THEM more.


Quoting FooLynRoo:

Difficult, I would probably side with the idea of building on your life first and foremost.


If he wants a relationship with his children, he can have one - he just has to work harder at it.

Sucks but that's what happens when have children and divorce.. sometimes.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
catrig
by Silver Member on Sep. 12, 2012 at 2:14 PM

Option 2


mom_dl6
by Platinum Member on Sep. 12, 2012 at 2:14 PM

Option #2 you and your kids will thrive better on a firm financial ground if he wants to be in their life he will make it happen if not then that's on him !

b.futlz
by on Sep. 12, 2012 at 2:15 PM

i vote option 2 if ur ex wants to see his kids he will make it work....you have to do whats best for you and your family not him

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