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I need help and don't know where to look :( piog sibling bullying

Posted by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 5:39 PM
  • 8 Replies


Dh and I are at a loss. We have four beautiful girls. Their ages are 5.5, 4, 2.5 years and a 1 year old. Our 5.5 year is pretty much a bully! She is so mean to dd2 and we don't know why. She takes toys from her, "accidently" walks into her, tells her she's "bad", ignores her, and has such an ugly attitude with her. Recently, dh and I have discovered that when she has her back is turned to us, she makes a mean face at dd2. Dd1 is not mean to her other sisters. She helps them, talks nicely to them, and etc. We do not know why she is like this. Dd2 is our sensitive one, so I know that dd1 is really hurting her feelings. Just witnessing all this has me in tears. I've had to call dh at his work because of dd1. We have tried time outs, being sent to bed early, no toys, no treats, no tv, even spanking. Dh thinks it's become some kind of cycle. Dd1 gets in trouble for bullying dd2, she gets punished, then takes her "revenge" on dd2, and it starts all over again. I have no idea what to do, I really need some help!

by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 5:39 PM
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Replies (1-8):
BuzyMommy35
by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 5:42 PM
It likely comes from being jealous. I have 3 girls but much much larger age gaps. Have you tired rewarding good behavior. How much alone time does your older dd get. I'd try to increase the one on one time you spend with her and see if that helps
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kidlover2
by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 5:43 PM
Is dd 2 being passive aggressive? Doing things on purpose to irritate her older sister? That's all I can think of right now because my older dd was complaining and crying that her younger sister was hitting and biting her. After some investigation, we realized that the bigger kid was irritating the younger kid sneakily and the younger kid was reacting violently which was the more obvious.
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Donna.June
by Silver Member on Sep. 16, 2012 at 5:47 PM

No, most of the time dd2 is playing quietly. Or dd2 will be talking to dd1 about anything and dd1 just acts up.

Quoting kidlover2:

Is dd 2 being passive aggressive? Doing things on purpose to irritate her older sister? That's all I can think of right now because my older dd was complaining and crying that her younger sister was hitting and biting her. After some investigation, we realized that the bigger kid was irritating the younger kid sneakily and the younger kid was reacting violently which was the more obvious.


Donna.June
by Silver Member on Sep. 16, 2012 at 5:48 PM

We've tried that too. we gave rewards when she was nice, gave her more one on one time with dh and myself. It wasn't working.

Quoting BuzyMommy35:

It likely comes from being jealous. I have 3 girls but much much larger age gaps. Have you tired rewarding good behavior. How much alone time does your older dd get. I'd try to increase the one on one time you spend with her and see if that helps


Mazie0723
by Platinum Member on Sep. 16, 2012 at 5:50 PM
My 12 and 8 yr old are total snots to each other and when it gets really bad I threaten to tie their hands together and that they have to spend 24 hours stuck together. So far that stops the behavior for at least a week or two.
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frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on Sep. 16, 2012 at 5:51 PM

I would get a child behaviorist involved.  Most likely jealousy that all siblings go through so any little thing she percieves as wrong can set her off.  I never had sisters but i do know my brothers had petty fights between themselves.  Keep explaining we talk nice and be gentle with our family members especially if they are younger.  Your DD could be asserting her dominance as well since dd2 is more sensitive.  DD1 could see that as a weakness and will use it ot her advantage to feel powerful.

ramita
by Bronze Member on Sep. 16, 2012 at 5:54 PM

Sounds like me and one of my brothers.  He just liked to make me mad.  Even when my parents finally broke down and asked him why he treated me like crap that was his answer because he enjoyed making me mad.  Pull your dd aside and talk to her and ask her why she does those things to her sister.  Make her give you an answer.  Good-luck!

3gr8tKids
by Silver Member on Sep. 16, 2012 at 6:11 PM

BUMP!

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